People frustrate me. That should be an obvious statement right? but it needs repeating due to the level it can reach sometimes.
It's even more frustrating and annoying when the people I care about end up falling in the category entitled 'OMGGGWTFISWRONGWITHYOU!?!?'
but then I think.. aren't I (interjecting thought: americans really fucking stupid when it comes to grammar dred. why are 'spelt' and 'aren't' underlined by squiggly lines?!) like these frustrating people to others sometimes. Especially my friends who want to see me doing well, when I'm making the same mistakes over and over.. at least I learn from them relatively quickly, as I refuse to let myself become trapped in a cycle of negativity and filth.
Are we all just destined to mull around in our little lives making mistakes and frustrating others who can see the errors in our ways? you can't smell the shit if you're in it.
so we're just annoyances onto each other.. I'm surprised anyone who feels like me can maintain as many friendships as I do. (which isn't a lot per se). At least some people annoy me quite infrequently. These are the ones I've made my closer friends.. except a couple who just never seem to learn *sigh* so for those closer friends, thank you for not annoying me :)
One thing that has been really annoying me recently is certain persons' propensity for immaturely gossiping about what they don't know. And their seeming inability to truly grow. They'd like to think they're growing but they're really just jumping from branch to branch to branch only to realise all the branches are at the same level. I'm here trying to fking claw my way to the top, jack the and the beanstalk type shit (mickey mouse made it look easy) and these people are content to sit around chatting away, maybe even believing they want growth but never actually doing anything about it. They're still at the market limin on the corner with the malnourished cow, gossiping about whatever drama they can find. And let me tell you if you didn't know - cows only know one word.
So yea.. *cue abrupt ending...fade to black Soprano style.. (even though I rarely ever watched Sopranos and never saw the finale)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you
I wish people would understand that when I blog and mention them it's never intended to be a message TO them. I acknowledge the fact that you may one day read the post yes, but come on - don't be so egotistical or self absorbed. I blog my experiences, I post my thoughts and feelings. If you happen to be part of that then consider yourself lucky that you matter enough to me to include you in my day's events.
What gets to me is when people get upset when I've never even mentioned their names and the only people who would know I'm talking about them won't really care. I already can't say what I want to say or speak my true mind in the public sphere because I have to practice diplomacy. There's no *insert expletive here*ing way you're going to take my freedom to say what I want from me here so just deal with it.
oh yea, and fuck 'Rhondor Dowlath' and your officer friends.
oh snap son, that's right - I just said a name!
Journalism must be a tough, cutthroat business that pays shit if you have to find money on the side so.
ohhh shit! I just put a career as well!
go fuck yourself asshole.
btw you spelt 'where' as 'were' you typo-making, lack of fact-checking and devoid of all integrity piece of shit.
What gets to me is when people get upset when I've never even mentioned their names and the only people who would know I'm talking about them won't really care. I already can't say what I want to say or speak my true mind in the public sphere because I have to practice diplomacy. There's no *insert expletive here*ing way you're going to take my freedom to say what I want from me here so just deal with it.
oh yea, and fuck 'Rhondor Dowlath' and your officer friends.
oh snap son, that's right - I just said a name!
Journalism must be a tough, cutthroat business that pays shit if you have to find money on the side so.
ohhh shit! I just put a career as well!
go fuck yourself asshole.
btw you spelt 'where' as 'were' you typo-making, lack of fact-checking and devoid of all integrity piece of shit.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
ROBBED! FINALLY!
Sooo.. it finally happened to my family. We were robbed. Well.. the correct term would be larceny.. but when have you ever heard anyone say they were larcened? there's even a red squiggly line under larcened, telling me it's not an actual word.. so yes, for lack of squiggly lines, we were robbed.
in broad daylight.
while my mom was home, watching tv downstairs.
around quarter to, ten to three yesterday afternoon two well-to do young chaps decided to have a go at our most humble abode. They cut the barbed wire that runs the perimeter of our back wall (we live in a compound) and then monkey'd their way up our water pipes onto our roof, from which they neatly pulled out my mom's bathroom louvres and gained access to her room. From there they locked her bedroom door (thank God) and had their way with her room. They knew she was home - our back sliding door was open and mom was watching tv, on the phone and in the kitched cooking. Unless they thought 'holey fuck! this is one haunted house!' they knew SOMEONE was home..
so they took what they could.. which was quite a bit when you consider the time they had (about a half hour). My mom heard a thud at around half 3 but didn't go to investigate (thank God again). We actually have video footage of them breaking in due to some nifty video cameras set up next door. Not good enough to see faces I'm afraid though.
so anyway.. I finally start gym and in the middle of my cardio my friend comes in to interrupt me and tell me my family's been trying to get in touch with me, we've been robbed. I'm choosing to not believe this was meant I should not start gym and am just going with very poor turn of events. So I get home and it's about 7 and they've called the police already.. but the police never show up until minutes to 9. surprise surprise.
SURPRISE SURPRISE though! they officers were.. NICE! not even nice, they were friendly, helpful and polite as well! I want to believe these were some of the better, very decent officers we still have in the country. What happened after further supports this thought as well.
So the officers left, after spending about an hour by us, taking notes, helping us to write down the relevant info, watching the footage etc. It must have been about 10 by the time they left. I changed the lock to my front door (they stole house keys that were in my mom's handbag..which they stole as well, though I don't think it was to get the house keys) and had a couple sandwiches. By 12 I was online, doing my online thing when my mom calls my sister and I downstairs to tell us they caught one of the guys (already!) and recovered one of our passports and a few other things (all our passports were stolen).
two hours. it took the police two hours to follow up a lead (which I think they had while still by us) and arrest one of the guys (there were two of them). So that sent me to bed with some better news than I got while on the exercise bike a few hours prior.
two and a half more hours pass and I am awoken from sleep by my mom, who tells me that they found some other very, very dear things to us as well. Even better news.
Two more hours pass (I shit you not, it was two hour intervals) and it's 4a.m. I am yet again woken by my mom, who now tells me that the police came back to check on us, went to search in the back of us, found her handbag and purse and a couple other things, including the rest of our passports and she has to go identify them at the police station.
and this is why I am up now.. waiting for my mom's return so that my sister can sleep.
within 15 hours of the robbe..I mean larceny, within 6.5 hours of the police being called and within 2 hours of the police leaving our home an arrest was made and items retrieved.
which recalls my stolen car incident some years ago; I was spending some time by a friend's aunt's house in town somewhere and had parked my car outside the house. The car was stolen around 10a.m. (again, broad daylight). I only realised it stolen at 4p.m. Made the report and whatnot and got home around 8.
9 o'clock and I get a call from my former residence, telling me a police officer was looking for me concerning my car. I get the officer's number and call. It turns out they found my car at around12.30p.m. (lunchtime or thereabouts) that same day - 4 hours before I realised it was missing. How they found it?: car search was looking for a certain car that was stolen. They checked out a known stripping spot (no, not Villa or Rich Gold or that place in town), saw a car that LOOKED like their car (but wasn't) and then came across MY car being opened and searched through.. they ran the theives and called the police.
I got my car back the next day. What alerted the police to the owner of the car (at that time my name wasn't on the insurance) was some correspondance I had lying on the floor of the backseat with my name and address on it.
God is looking out for me and my family. And we've been fortunate enough to have experienced the better, DECENT, PROFESSIONAL side of our country's police force.
I pray something like this never happens to any of you but if it does, I hope no one is injured and only material possessions are taken. You can replace a ring, you can't replace a mom.
in broad daylight.
while my mom was home, watching tv downstairs.
around quarter to, ten to three yesterday afternoon two well-to do young chaps decided to have a go at our most humble abode. They cut the barbed wire that runs the perimeter of our back wall (we live in a compound) and then monkey'd their way up our water pipes onto our roof, from which they neatly pulled out my mom's bathroom louvres and gained access to her room. From there they locked her bedroom door (thank God) and had their way with her room. They knew she was home - our back sliding door was open and mom was watching tv, on the phone and in the kitched cooking. Unless they thought 'holey fuck! this is one haunted house!' they knew SOMEONE was home..
so they took what they could.. which was quite a bit when you consider the time they had (about a half hour). My mom heard a thud at around half 3 but didn't go to investigate (thank God again). We actually have video footage of them breaking in due to some nifty video cameras set up next door. Not good enough to see faces I'm afraid though.
so anyway.. I finally start gym and in the middle of my cardio my friend comes in to interrupt me and tell me my family's been trying to get in touch with me, we've been robbed. I'm choosing to not believe this was meant I should not start gym and am just going with very poor turn of events. So I get home and it's about 7 and they've called the police already.. but the police never show up until minutes to 9. surprise surprise.
SURPRISE SURPRISE though! they officers were.. NICE! not even nice, they were friendly, helpful and polite as well! I want to believe these were some of the better, very decent officers we still have in the country. What happened after further supports this thought as well.
So the officers left, after spending about an hour by us, taking notes, helping us to write down the relevant info, watching the footage etc. It must have been about 10 by the time they left. I changed the lock to my front door (they stole house keys that were in my mom's handbag..which they stole as well, though I don't think it was to get the house keys) and had a couple sandwiches. By 12 I was online, doing my online thing when my mom calls my sister and I downstairs to tell us they caught one of the guys (already!) and recovered one of our passports and a few other things (all our passports were stolen).
two hours. it took the police two hours to follow up a lead (which I think they had while still by us) and arrest one of the guys (there were two of them). So that sent me to bed with some better news than I got while on the exercise bike a few hours prior.
two and a half more hours pass and I am awoken from sleep by my mom, who tells me that they found some other very, very dear things to us as well. Even better news.
Two more hours pass (I shit you not, it was two hour intervals) and it's 4a.m. I am yet again woken by my mom, who now tells me that the police came back to check on us, went to search in the back of us, found her handbag and purse and a couple other things, including the rest of our passports and she has to go identify them at the police station.
and this is why I am up now.. waiting for my mom's return so that my sister can sleep.
within 15 hours of the robbe..I mean larceny, within 6.5 hours of the police being called and within 2 hours of the police leaving our home an arrest was made and items retrieved.
which recalls my stolen car incident some years ago; I was spending some time by a friend's aunt's house in town somewhere and had parked my car outside the house. The car was stolen around 10a.m. (again, broad daylight). I only realised it stolen at 4p.m. Made the report and whatnot and got home around 8.
9 o'clock and I get a call from my former residence, telling me a police officer was looking for me concerning my car. I get the officer's number and call. It turns out they found my car at around12.30p.m. (lunchtime or thereabouts) that same day - 4 hours before I realised it was missing. How they found it?: car search was looking for a certain car that was stolen. They checked out a known stripping spot (no, not Villa or Rich Gold or that place in town), saw a car that LOOKED like their car (but wasn't) and then came across MY car being opened and searched through.. they ran the theives and called the police.
I got my car back the next day. What alerted the police to the owner of the car (at that time my name wasn't on the insurance) was some correspondance I had lying on the floor of the backseat with my name and address on it.
God is looking out for me and my family. And we've been fortunate enough to have experienced the better, DECENT, PROFESSIONAL side of our country's police force.
I pray something like this never happens to any of you but if it does, I hope no one is injured and only material possessions are taken. You can replace a ring, you can't replace a mom.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The Price of Growing Up..
Is friendship.
There will inevitably be that/those friend/s who won't be able to match your growth and progressed thinking and life mentality. Inevitably.
It's a sad realisation but.. what yuh go do?
I miss a certain friend because he started thinking more maturely about life and such before most of the rest of us and I couldn't fully understand or appreciate what he told me before, but I do now. He's off in a foreign country for work but should be back for a couple days soon. Get back safely.
While he's been away, and this is not related or linked to him btw, I've made some advancements in the way I think about things/my life and the way I see people and situations. I really hope this isn't a phase and I go back to how I was before.. but even in saying it I have no fear of that happening cus it feels so.. solid. But anyway, so I've progressed in my thinking and behaviour. I honestly believe I have matured in my thinking and am able to approach life with a more*insert synonym for mature here* mindset, much like my friend did before me. While I'm very happy about this, it's made me evaluate some frienships/relationships I have right now. I get annoyed for things that would previously be fine - like friends being drunk and the way in which they carry on. I also see certain friends/peoples playing the same shitty social 'games' from before and I'm really not on that anymore. I am going to distance myself at least from the latter for sure. If it means cutting out certain people from my life then fine, so be it.. at least those people are not so important to my social well being that I will destruct without them.
you - you have the potential to be a strong person. To be happy and mature. But this company you're keeping again is dragging you down. This company can make you regress and lead to your being hurt more than you should be. Don't get caught up in that bullshit.
that's it for now.. falling asleep on myself
There will inevitably be that/those friend/s who won't be able to match your growth and progressed thinking and life mentality. Inevitably.
It's a sad realisation but.. what yuh go do?
I miss a certain friend because he started thinking more maturely about life and such before most of the rest of us and I couldn't fully understand or appreciate what he told me before, but I do now. He's off in a foreign country for work but should be back for a couple days soon. Get back safely.
While he's been away, and this is not related or linked to him btw, I've made some advancements in the way I think about things/my life and the way I see people and situations. I really hope this isn't a phase and I go back to how I was before.. but even in saying it I have no fear of that happening cus it feels so.. solid. But anyway, so I've progressed in my thinking and behaviour. I honestly believe I have matured in my thinking and am able to approach life with a more*insert synonym for mature here* mindset, much like my friend did before me. While I'm very happy about this, it's made me evaluate some frienships/relationships I have right now. I get annoyed for things that would previously be fine - like friends being drunk and the way in which they carry on. I also see certain friends/peoples playing the same shitty social 'games' from before and I'm really not on that anymore. I am going to distance myself at least from the latter for sure. If it means cutting out certain people from my life then fine, so be it.. at least those people are not so important to my social well being that I will destruct without them.
you - you have the potential to be a strong person. To be happy and mature. But this company you're keeping again is dragging you down. This company can make you regress and lead to your being hurt more than you should be. Don't get caught up in that bullshit.
that's it for now.. falling asleep on myself
Friday, October 3, 2008
Time Machine
Is this what it means or feels like to be in a time machine? I feel like I'm either in the future looking at the past or in the present looking at the past. It's very odd. It feels like I've progressed and am progressING and you're still the same, and/or not only the same but so set in the same thinking that you think I'm still the same and as such judge my actions to be the same as they were before when they're totally different now.
It's a weird feeling, looking at your past. There's some sense of pride knowing you've come this far and are better for it, a sense of loss in what you no longer have, a sense of sadness for those who have not been able to come this far as well and a bit of frustration in knowing YOU but your past knowing only past you and not present (or future for them) you.
I have no doubt you've changed and maybe even have grown. I just don't think you've grown much in relation to me and us and that saddens me.
At some point in life the games have to stop. I'm willing to be at that point, are you?
It's a weird feeling, looking at your past. There's some sense of pride knowing you've come this far and are better for it, a sense of loss in what you no longer have, a sense of sadness for those who have not been able to come this far as well and a bit of frustration in knowing YOU but your past knowing only past you and not present (or future for them) you.
I have no doubt you've changed and maybe even have grown. I just don't think you've grown much in relation to me and us and that saddens me.
At some point in life the games have to stop. I'm willing to be at that point, are you?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A Raw Creativity
Potential.. possibility..
I feel the potential for such creativity inside of me. I can feel it churning in me - in my torso. It feels like a hurricane.. trapped by the constraints of my abilities and CAPABILITIES.
Perhaps it's because I've been so surrounded by artists over the past two years that I feel like this, because it feels like that in nature.. it's not a musical feeling.. it's a visual feeling.
What I have inside of me does not want to be heard, it wants to be seen. It wants to lay siege to the world's eyes. It is arrogant and egotistical and self-righteous. It is vain and self-absorbed. It lives for its freedom. Its freedom from me. I feel it trapped there, tearing at my insides, yanking at the chains, yelling. screaming. cursing!
And I want so much to let it go, let it free and see what it becomes. But I don't have the tools. I don't have any raw materials nor do I think I have the capability right now to do this feeling justice. And yet... I have this feeling that given the right opportunity I can let this beast out and submit myself to it and have the outcome be very satisfying.. to me anyway, and at the end I suppose that's what really matters. The world being what it is I know someone out there will inevitably appreciate what I will do but I'm not doing this for anyone else. This feeling only exists to be free for itself; it doesn't care for anyone else's opinions.
Perhaps this is tied to my resurgence of anger-control issues. Anger issues in general. My temper has returned and worse than ever before now. I've gotten help with it and in an ironic twist, my awareness of the problem and triggers might just have made me even angrier.. except now I have knowledge of what will trip me. funny.. To tie this paragraph to the rest of this post - I think maybe this feeling I have in me is part raw, surging emotion, waiting to be converted to something tangible and released. Something like anger perhaps..
I have thought this might be something or somewhat like brooding poets and artists must have felt. So much emotion contained inside and no matter how much you do it's never enough to release it all.
maybe I should keep sharp objects away from my ears and drugs away from my nose and veins.
one day this feeling will be released and it will be beautiful, even if it's the ugliest thing in the world.
I feel the potential for such creativity inside of me. I can feel it churning in me - in my torso. It feels like a hurricane.. trapped by the constraints of my abilities and CAPABILITIES.
Perhaps it's because I've been so surrounded by artists over the past two years that I feel like this, because it feels like that in nature.. it's not a musical feeling.. it's a visual feeling.
What I have inside of me does not want to be heard, it wants to be seen. It wants to lay siege to the world's eyes. It is arrogant and egotistical and self-righteous. It is vain and self-absorbed. It lives for its freedom. Its freedom from me. I feel it trapped there, tearing at my insides, yanking at the chains, yelling. screaming. cursing!
And I want so much to let it go, let it free and see what it becomes. But I don't have the tools. I don't have any raw materials nor do I think I have the capability right now to do this feeling justice. And yet... I have this feeling that given the right opportunity I can let this beast out and submit myself to it and have the outcome be very satisfying.. to me anyway, and at the end I suppose that's what really matters. The world being what it is I know someone out there will inevitably appreciate what I will do but I'm not doing this for anyone else. This feeling only exists to be free for itself; it doesn't care for anyone else's opinions.
Perhaps this is tied to my resurgence of anger-control issues. Anger issues in general. My temper has returned and worse than ever before now. I've gotten help with it and in an ironic twist, my awareness of the problem and triggers might just have made me even angrier.. except now I have knowledge of what will trip me. funny.. To tie this paragraph to the rest of this post - I think maybe this feeling I have in me is part raw, surging emotion, waiting to be converted to something tangible and released. Something like anger perhaps..
I have thought this might be something or somewhat like brooding poets and artists must have felt. So much emotion contained inside and no matter how much you do it's never enough to release it all.
maybe I should keep sharp objects away from my ears and drugs away from my nose and veins.
one day this feeling will be released and it will be beautiful, even if it's the ugliest thing in the world.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Winamp list
just cus.. I dunno.. I'm bored and I'm feeling to post something here
Santogold - Creator
G Unit - I like the way she do it (ugh)
Lil Wayne - A Milli
10 years - division album
Duran Duran - Come Undone
Sara Bareilles - Love on the rocks
Paul McCartney - Hope and Deliverance
Annie Lennox - Love song for a vampire
Rick Ross - The Boss
Missy Elliot - Ching a Ling
Rick Ross ft. Flo-Rida - Street Money
Eurythmics - Talk to me like lovers do
Bright Eyes - Lover I don't have to love
Cold - Gone Away
Enigma - Sadness
Enya - Caribbean Blue
Enya - Only Time
Enya - Sail Away
Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed
Plumb - Damaged
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under the bridge
Seal - Kiss from a rose
Soundgarden - Petty Noose
U2 - Hold me, Thrill me..
Sting - Shape of my heart
The Guffs - Smile
Jem - Just a ride
The Von Bondies - Not that social
and yeepp.. that's about it.
maybe I should get some metal in there to be 'hardcore' lol
Santogold - Creator
G Unit - I like the way she do it (ugh)
Lil Wayne - A Milli
10 years - division album
Duran Duran - Come Undone
Sara Bareilles - Love on the rocks
Paul McCartney - Hope and Deliverance
Annie Lennox - Love song for a vampire
Rick Ross - The Boss
Missy Elliot - Ching a Ling
Rick Ross ft. Flo-Rida - Street Money
Eurythmics - Talk to me like lovers do
Bright Eyes - Lover I don't have to love
Cold - Gone Away
Enigma - Sadness
Enya - Caribbean Blue
Enya - Only Time
Enya - Sail Away
Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed
Plumb - Damaged
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under the bridge
Seal - Kiss from a rose
Soundgarden - Petty Noose
U2 - Hold me, Thrill me..
Sting - Shape of my heart
The Guffs - Smile
Jem - Just a ride
The Von Bondies - Not that social
and yeepp.. that's about it.
maybe I should get some metal in there to be 'hardcore' lol
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