Eh?

Annoyance is the root of all evil (cus I'll kill you if you keep it up)

2008-10-09T22:44:00.005-04:00

People frustrate me. That should be an obvious statement right? but it needs repeating due to the level it can reach sometimes.
It's even more frustrating and annoying when the people I care about end up falling in the category entitled 'OMGGGWTFISWRONGWITHYOU!?!?'

but then I think.. aren't I (interjecting thought: americans really fucking stupid when it comes to grammar dred. why are 'spelt' and 'aren't' underlined by squiggly lines?!) like these frustrating people to others sometimes. Especially my friends who want to see me doing well, when I'm making the same mistakes over and over.. at least I learn from them relatively quickly, as I refuse to let myself become trapped in a cycle of negativity and filth.

Are we all just destined to mull around in our little lives making mistakes and frustrating others who can see the errors in our ways? you can't smell the shit if you're in it.

so we're just annoyances onto each other.. I'm surprised anyone who feels like me can maintain as many friendships as I do. (which isn't a lot per se). At least some people annoy me quite infrequently. These are the ones I've made my closer friends.. except a couple who just never seem to learn *sigh* so for those closer friends, thank you for not annoying me :)

One thing that has been really annoying me recently is certain persons' propensity for immaturely gossiping about what they don't know. And their seeming inability to truly grow. They'd like to think they're growing but they're really just jumping from branch to branch to branch only to realise all the branches are at the same level. I'm here trying to fking claw my way to the top, jack the and the beanstalk type shit (mickey mouse made it look easy) and these people are content to sit around chatting away, maybe even believing they want growth but never actually doing anything about it. They're still at the market limin on the corner with the malnourished cow, gossiping about whatever drama they can find. And let me tell you if you didn't know - cows only know one word.

So yea.. *cue abrupt ending...fade to black Soprano style.. (even though I rarely ever watched Sopranos and never saw the finale)

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you

2008-10-09T22:30:00.003-04:00

I wish people would understand that when I blog and mention them it's never intended to be a message TO them. I acknowledge the fact that you may one day read the post yes, but come on - don't be so egotistical or self absorbed. I blog my experiences, I post my thoughts and feelings. If you happen to be part of that then consider yourself lucky that you matter enough to me to include you in my day's events.

What gets to me is when people get upset when I've never even mentioned their names and the only people who would know I'm talking about them won't really care. I already can't say what I want to say or speak my true mind in the public sphere because I have to practice diplomacy. There's no *insert expletive here*ing way you're going to take my freedom to say what I want from me here so just deal with it.

oh yea, and fuck 'Rhondor Dowlath' and your officer friends.
oh snap son, that's right - I just said a name!
Journalism must be a tough, cutthroat business that pays shit if you have to find money on the side so.
ohhh shit! I just put a career as well!
go fuck yourself asshole.
btw you spelt 'where' as 'were' you typo-making, lack of fact-checking and devoid of all integrity piece of shit.

ROBBED! FINALLY!

2008-10-08T04:50:00.003-04:00

Sooo.. it finally happened to my family. We were robbed. Well.. the correct term would be larceny.. but when have you ever heard anyone say they were larcened? there's even a red squiggly line under larcened, telling me it's not an actual word.. so yes, for lack of squiggly lines, we were robbed.

in broad daylight.

while my mom was home, watching tv downstairs.

around quarter to, ten to three yesterday afternoon two well-to do young chaps decided to have a go at our most humble abode. They cut the barbed wire that runs the perimeter of our back wall (we live in a compound) and then monkey'd their way up our water pipes onto our roof, from which they neatly pulled out my mom's bathroom louvres and gained access to her room. From there they locked her bedroom door (thank God) and had their way with her room. They knew she was home - our back sliding door was open and mom was watching tv, on the phone and in the kitched cooking. Unless they thought 'holey fuck! this is one haunted house!' they knew SOMEONE was home..

so they took what they could.. which was quite a bit when you consider the time they had (about a half hour). My mom heard a thud at around half 3 but didn't go to investigate (thank God again). We actually have video footage of them breaking in due to some nifty video cameras set up next door. Not good enough to see faces I'm afraid though.

so anyway.. I finally start gym and in the middle of my cardio my friend comes in to interrupt me and tell me my family's been trying to get in touch with me, we've been robbed. I'm choosing to not believe this was meant I should not start gym and am just going with very poor turn of events. So I get home and it's about 7 and they've called the police already.. but the police never show up until minutes to 9. surprise surprise.

SURPRISE SURPRISE though! they officers were.. NICE! not even nice, they were friendly, helpful and polite as well! I want to believe these were some of the better, very decent officers we still have in the country. What happened after further supports this thought as well.

So the officers left, after spending about an hour by us, taking notes, helping us to write down the relevant info, watching the footage etc. It must have been about 10 by the time they left. I changed the lock to my front door (they stole house keys that were in my mom's handbag..which they stole as well, though I don't think it was to get the house keys) and had a couple sandwiches. By 12 I was online, doing my online thing when my mom calls my sister and I downstairs to tell us they caught one of the guys (already!) and recovered one of our passports and a few other things (all our passports were stolen).

two hours. it took the police two hours to follow up a lead (which I think they had while still by us) and arrest one of the guys (there were two of them). So that sent me to bed with some better news than I got while on the exercise bike a few hours prior.

two and a half more hours pass and I am awoken from sleep by my mom, who tells me that they found some other very, very dear things to us as well. Even better news.

Two more hours pass (I shit you not, it was two hour intervals) and it's 4a.m. I am yet again woken by my mom, who now tells me that the police came back to check on us, went to search in the back of us, found her handbag and purse and a couple other things, including the rest of our passports and she has to go identify them at the police station.

and this is why I am up now.. waiting for my mom's return so that my sister can sleep.

within 15 hours of the robbe..I mean larceny, within 6.5 hours of the police being called and within 2 hours of the police leaving our home an arrest was made and items retrieved.

which recalls my stolen car incident some years ago; I was spending some time by a friend's aunt's house in town somewhere and had parked my car outside the house. The car was stolen around 10a.m. (again, broad daylight). I only realised it stolen at 4p.m. Made the report and whatnot and got home around 8.
9 o'clock and I get a call from my former residence, telling me a police officer was looking for me concerning my car. I get the officer's number and call. It turns out they found my car at around12.30p.m. (lunchtime or thereabouts) that same day - 4 hours before I realised it was missing. How they found it?: car search was looking for a certain car that was stolen. They checked out a known stripping spot (no, not Villa or Rich Gold or that place in town), saw a car that LOOKED like their car (but wasn't) and then came across MY car being opened and searched through.. they ran the theives and called the police.
I got my car back the next day. What alerted the police to the owner of the car (at that time my name wasn't on the insurance) was some correspondance I had lying on the floor of the backseat with my name and address on it.

God is looking out for me and my family. And we've been fortunate enough to have experienced the better, DECENT, PROFESSIONAL side of our country's police force.

I pray something like this never happens to any of you but if it does, I hope no one is injured and only material possessions are taken. You can replace a ring, you can't replace a mom.

The Price of Growing Up..

2008-10-05T04:17:00.002-04:00

Is friendship.

There will inevitably be that/those friend/s who won't be able to match your growth and progressed thinking and life mentality. Inevitably.
It's a sad realisation but.. what yuh go do?
I miss a certain friend because he started thinking more maturely about life and such before most of the rest of us and I couldn't fully understand or appreciate what he told me before, but I do now. He's off in a foreign country for work but should be back for a couple days soon. Get back safely.

While he's been away, and this is not related or linked to him btw, I've made some advancements in the way I think about things/my life and the way I see people and situations. I really hope this isn't a phase and I go back to how I was before.. but even in saying it I have no fear of that happening cus it feels so.. solid. But anyway, so I've progressed in my thinking and behaviour. I honestly believe I have matured in my thinking and am able to approach life with a more*insert synonym for mature here* mindset, much like my friend did before me. While I'm very happy about this, it's made me evaluate some frienships/relationships I have right now. I get annoyed for things that would previously be fine - like friends being drunk and the way in which they carry on. I also see certain friends/peoples playing the same shitty social 'games' from before and I'm really not on that anymore. I am going to distance myself at least from the latter for sure. If it means cutting out certain people from my life then fine, so be it.. at least those people are not so important to my social well being that I will destruct without them.

you - you have the potential to be a strong person. To be happy and mature. But this company you're keeping again is dragging you down. This company can make you regress and lead to your being hurt more than you should be. Don't get caught up in that bullshit.

that's it for now.. falling asleep on myself

Time Machine

2008-10-03T02:31:00.002-04:00

Is this what it means or feels like to be in a time machine? I feel like I'm either in the future looking at the past or in the present looking at the past. It's very odd. It feels like I've progressed and am progressING and you're still the same, and/or not only the same but so set in the same thinking that you think I'm still the same and as such judge my actions to be the same as they were before when they're totally different now.

It's a weird feeling, looking at your past. There's some sense of pride knowing you've come this far and are better for it, a sense of loss in what you no longer have, a sense of sadness for those who have not been able to come this far as well and a bit of frustration in knowing YOU but your past knowing only past you and not present (or future for them) you.

I have no doubt you've changed and maybe even have grown. I just don't think you've grown much in relation to me and us and that saddens me.

At some point in life the games have to stop. I'm willing to be at that point, are you?

A Raw Creativity

2008-09-25T23:58:00.002-04:00

Potential.. possibility..

I feel the potential for such creativity inside of me. I can feel it churning in me - in my torso. It feels like a hurricane.. trapped by the constraints of my abilities and CAPABILITIES.

Perhaps it's because I've been so surrounded by artists over the past two years that I feel like this, because it feels like that in nature.. it's not a musical feeling.. it's a visual feeling.

What I have inside of me does not want to be heard, it wants to be seen. It wants to lay siege to the world's eyes. It is arrogant and egotistical and self-righteous. It is vain and self-absorbed. It lives for its freedom. Its freedom from me. I feel it trapped there, tearing at my insides, yanking at the chains, yelling. screaming. cursing!

And I want so much to let it go, let it free and see what it becomes. But I don't have the tools. I don't have any raw materials nor do I think I have the capability right now to do this feeling justice. And yet... I have this feeling that given the right opportunity I can let this beast out and submit myself to it and have the outcome be very satisfying.. to me anyway, and at the end I suppose that's what really matters. The world being what it is I know someone out there will inevitably appreciate what I will do but I'm not doing this for anyone else. This feeling only exists to be free for itself; it doesn't care for anyone else's opinions.

Perhaps this is tied to my resurgence of anger-control issues. Anger issues in general. My temper has returned and worse than ever before now. I've gotten help with it and in an ironic twist, my awareness of the problem and triggers might just have made me even angrier.. except now I have knowledge of what will trip me. funny.. To tie this paragraph to the rest of this post - I think maybe this feeling I have in me is part raw, surging emotion, waiting to be converted to something tangible and released. Something like anger perhaps..

I have thought this might be something or somewhat like brooding poets and artists must have felt. So much emotion contained inside and no matter how much you do it's never enough to release it all.

maybe I should keep sharp objects away from my ears and drugs away from my nose and veins.

one day this feeling will be released and it will be beautiful, even if it's the ugliest thing in the world.

Winamp list

2008-07-12T11:35:00.002-04:00

just cus.. I dunno.. I'm bored and I'm feeling to post something here

Santogold - Creator
G Unit - I like the way she do it (ugh)
Lil Wayne - A Milli
10 years - division album
Duran Duran - Come Undone
Sara Bareilles - Love on the rocks
Paul McCartney - Hope and Deliverance
Annie Lennox - Love song for a vampire
Rick Ross - The Boss
Missy Elliot - Ching a Ling
Rick Ross ft. Flo-Rida - Street Money
Eurythmics - Talk to me like lovers do
Bright Eyes - Lover I don't have to love
Cold - Gone Away
Enigma - Sadness
Enya - Caribbean Blue
Enya - Only Time
Enya - Sail Away
Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed
Plumb - Damaged
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under the bridge
Seal - Kiss from a rose
Soundgarden - Petty Noose
U2 - Hold me, Thrill me..
Sting - Shape of my heart
The Guffs - Smile
Jem - Just a ride
The Von Bondies - Not that social

and yeepp.. that's about it.

maybe I should get some metal in there to be 'hardcore' lol

I'm wondering...

2008-07-06T08:32:00.002-04:00

I'm wondering if my view towards things, my thoughts and my feelings pertaining to a specific situation or person is/are boosted by how third parties think I should or do think/feel about said situations/people. I wonder if I'm angrier at a particular situation because the person thinks I'm angry (if I have the right to be) or if I am persuaded to think less seriously about a situation because it's expected that I should.

hmm, I wonder...

maybe I just want to keep anger inside and poison myself slowly.

A place for me

2008-07-06T04:36:00.003-04:00

So I went to a party tonight where the majority of people were either white or indian. I felt out of place. Which sucked a good bit. I mean, who likes feeling out of place? not white or indian people, I can tell you that much.

so anyway, back to me feeling out of place. Yes.. I felt out of place. I wanted to wine and get on bad but the truth is I'm just a little too self conscious about that shit to do it *just so just so*, doh mind when I'm actually doing it I'm a big sket.. but that's another story(ies). So at one point I'm standing next to this black (the b should be captial, as I've seen in texts but I'm too lazy to hit *shift*) woman, who worked for the bar and I feel comfortable. I talk to the (black) bartenders and I feel comfortable. Now, the question here is, whether it was the bartenders' skin colour/culture or their occupation that made me feel comfortable with them. I say this because the party I was at was arguably a upper-middle - high class party.

So the Dj is spinnin his shit and I'm enjoying the music, doing the relevant dances once in a while but I never really enjoyed it like I do other times, because..oh right, did I mention? none of my friends were there with me. So I just do my few dances and then mellow with my alternating beer and water. In fact I over-hydrated myself and am now feeling to throw up because I didn't want to have both hands free and I was driving so each new drink could not have contained alcohol.

Back to me feeling out of place; the ironic thing is that if I go to a 'black' place such as a barber shop, black party etc I feel out of place cus I feel like I'm being judged by the colour of my skin. I feel like they're saying 'wtf is going on with this white boy!? how he feel he could get on so like us?! he feel he black or what!? steeeups' and I don't like that feeling either. So it's a lose-lose situation really, once my friends aren't there. Especially one friend who is not only black but also very personable.

btw, did I mention I'm a weee bit tight right now? I guess the alternating with water and beer didn't work as effecitvely as I had planned. Oh well, I'm home safe and that's the important thing.

so I really don't know where I fit.. I went to a club thursday night gone and had a really great time. I was dancing and getting on etc etc and being comfortable.. cus I was around people who were not only getting on like me but also didn't create a sense of 'wtf is that white boy doing' in me. The club was mixed btw. My club/comfort friend wasn't even there, but I was liming with some other black guys who were into the same music etc as I am.

I also realised once I doh have my winin ppls I doh like hearing soca in a club.
Fuck you machel montano.

back on track.. so I guess I'll continue evaluating how I feel while in different social situations to see where I feel I fit best.

P.S. memo to self: don't do tonight again.
live and learn.

A saddening realisation

2008-06-29T13:35:00.002-04:00

No.. not the fact that I'm too 'busy' to blog much anymore. Busy, being relative in technological-age terms, meaning I'm too busy thinking about other things and being focused on other aspects of my life to concentrate on typing out my thoughts here. That in itself is a bit saddening to me actually, now that I'm thinking about it, because I have a lot of thoughts that I wish I could log down here and I guess share with whoever would still be reading this thing. And yet either I lose the thought or get sidetracked.. much like I'm doing with this post.

so getting back to the original point, which has never actually started yet: I was dropping home my friends the other night, who are staying right off the highway. So I drop them home and head back out and while making the turn from their road to the highway, I see a woman standing on the side of the road with a cell phone to her ear, dressed in a nice black dress looking a bit stressed. Mind you this is about half 2/3 in the morning and the area isn't exactly the safest (I mean where is except for Goodwood Park?). So in my brief passing of her I actually slow down due to my contemplating stopping to see what was wrong with her. But then another emotion overrode the sympathy and compassion I felt for this woman - fear. What if she was just part of some robbery-waiting-to-happen? Some lure to get me to stop or slow down enough for the men hiding in the bushes right behind her to hijack my car.. ? what if she herself was the robber?

so I drove on. I continued on my way home, with her always in my mind even until I went to sleep. The sad realisation, if you haven't figured it out by now, is that the state of the country directly influenced what happened. (By state of the country I don't just mean the crime btw, I mean the reporting of the crime as well). Every day my senses are inundated with crime facts and figures, stories and rumours, overloading my capacity to cope with all this information. I've always been cautious but I've never been put in such a situation where I felt like that.

and the strange thing is the woman could very well have just been.. a stranded woman on the side of the road, put out by a hopefully-ex boyfriend and not have had a second thought about the guy in the wagon that just passed her. And yet she, and that 'situation' has remained with me very much til the day after and will prob continue to remain with me til.. who knows when.

I had one thought as I drove away from the woman, our lives not to be intertwined that night; "I hate this country"

SuperPharm Criminals

2008-04-14T16:37:00.000-04:00

Patrons of SuperPharm Valpark BEWARE:

Yesterday (sunday 13th) I went to superpharm to buy a pack of pepper mango. It took me no more than 10 mins MAX (the real time was probably about 5 mins) to go in, find and get the mango, wait in line and then pay for it.

In this 10 mins my car was broken into and my glove compartment and between the-front-seats pocket (roughly) searched and my friend's work bag stolen.

I made the police reports etc and I've realised that this isn't an isolated incident. Both the St. Joseph police station and the Arima finger-print division have stated that this SuperPharm has been hit A LOT by these criminals, who leave no trace behind.. a broken lock was all the evidence of a break-in with my car. Police inability aside, they say these people are quick and know what they're doing.. as evidenced by my incident.. and leave nothing for the police to go on.

I went back to speak to SuperPharm people.. they said it hadn't happened in a while but used to, especially on the WESTERN SIDE OF THE CARPARK. Arima officer said that it's been happening right through..

Anyway, I noticed a camera that was located obliquely opposite to where my car was parked and asked about this. SuperPharm said that there is only one camera outside and it points down over their warehouse door, not over the carpark. The security that we always think/see outside in the carpark are apparently not for there and are supposed to be inside so there is realistically NO SECURITY for the carpark either. (hence the sign I suppose).

In any case it sounded as if Superpharm could really care less about what happens to their customers' property/cars while they're inside contributing to Mr. Rahal's fat pockets.

So please, be careful if you HAVE to go to this SuperPharm (Valsayn SuperPharm, across from Valpark). This has happened before and it will continue to happen as SuperPharm seems content to do nothing about the situation, simply stating that 'well there are the signs outside saying that SuperPharm isn't liable for loss or damage to cars'. Which means, no cameras, no security and no one to be liable for your car being broken into but you, for patronizing their establishment. There's a really nice pharmacy across in Valpark, I think I'll be continuing to go there from now on.

- Gerard

My first HIV test

2008-03-16T15:21:00.006-04:00

So I went for my first HIV test the other day, following on the heels of my first ever wisdom tooth extraction (or what was SUPPOSED to be my first..). This (HIV test) is something I've wanted to do since I started having sex and really since I was 21. This and cancer checks.. but yea, so I finally went to do one.
Went to Queens Park West to get it done and had a family member who had been there as well take me. So got there, got in really quickly, they took my info down and I had to wait a little while before they could take the blood. Got called about 10-15 mins later and had to go talk to a doctor/counsellor first so she could assess my risk factor and whatnot. I really, really enjoyed this talk. It was informative, casual, comfortable and she laughed at my jokes :P she seemed like a really lovely, easy-going person and made the questions seem less edgy and personal lol. So that lasted for about 10 mins then I went to actually have my blood taken.. this is where the fun happened.

This was my first time of my adult life(memory) that I had a needle in my arm for longer than it took to give an injection. So I told myself that I had to look at it happen, needed to see it happening for myself. The problem was that I thought it'd just be *stick needle in, pull up plunger, nice, free flowing blood quickly fills vial and done*. Ohhh no my friends, this was not to be the case;

the nurse cleaned the spot and stuck the needle in. This itself wasn't really painful, more just awkward. The unnerving part was that I didn't see her unwrap the needle that she used - instead I saw her take the whole assembly - needle + plunger part thing out from wherever and stick it in my arm. So I was a little nervous about this.. then things got really interesting.

So apparently I either have really oxygenated blood or the nurse just wanted to fuck around.. cus an air bubble soon came up into the vial.. prompting ms. nurse to push the plunger back down, forcing the flow of blood in my vein to reverse. Which btw, I could feel as plain as day. I felt the blood literally changing course in my vein.. this went a little beyond 'awkward'.. maybe 'unnatural' is the word I'd use. So the nurse doesn't only proceed to do this once, but does it probably another four or FIVE times. All I could think while she's pushing the blood back into my vein is this "FK! FK! The needle have aids on it!! SHE GIVING ME AIDS! I GETTING AIDSS!! OH G*D!! OH G*D!!" - so yes, perhaps I was a little delirious.

By the third time I started to get dizzy and faint. Did I mention that I didn't have any breakfast? well I didn't. Not one ass to eat that morning. So there I am starting to see spots and stars and fuzziness so I say, as best I could, to Ms. Nurse "umm.. I should probably say that I'm feeling a bit faint" and no sooner had I said this than my vision promptly disappeared and all I can think of is me passing out either in that room or outside in the waiting area and looking like the jackass noob who couldn't handle drawing blood..

So I alert Ms. Nurse to my current physiological situation to which she says "hold on, hold on" while still fucking pulling and pushing the blasted plunger in my vein. So I finally look away to the left, as I figured I couldn't see shit anyway and soon after I felt the needle gloriously be removed from my vein. A plaster was applied to stop any bleeding.. however no bleeding occurred.. perhaps because Ms. Nurse sent so much blood back the wrong way in my vein that it would be a while til the poor, traumatised blood vessels could work the courage up to venture past the spot where the needle was.

The doctor-counsellor I had before came right when Ms. Nurse was finished and saw my condition and asked if I were ok. All I could mumble to her was the word "faint". She said she'd get me some water and left to do so. While she was gone, Ms. Nurse is busy trying to push some alcohol soaked cloth up under my nose.. which wasn't making me better or worse, so I just pushed it away and said I'd be cool. Which I actually was very soon after. By the time doctor-counsellor came back with the water I could see and could stand etc. She said I looked as white as a ghost, I told her I was as white as a ghost before, she laughed and said I looked even whiter.. so I got up, threw the paper cup away and was finished with my first HIV test-giving blood scenario. Have to go back in a few weeks to collect results - wish me luck!

Annoying things.. and GOOD NEWS! :D

2008-02-29T00:13:00.002-04:00

Annoying things:

Trinidad sending shit to Guyana to help them out - Anyone find this is sort of like someone whose family is in a shambles trying to give marital advice to someone else? or the owner of a house that's falling apart giving away his tenants' wood and bricks to another house... you see what I'm getting at? We can't fix our own shit, partly due to a lack of resources and we sending shit over to guyana.
Now I'm extremely sympathetic to the situation in Guyana and I do understand that we need to keep good ties and help those in need, but I kinda think that maaaybe we should fix our shit before we try to help anyone else fix theirs.

America's Best Dance Crew - I've been an avid follower of this show since it started. I love dancing in most of its forms, especially hip hop, break dancing etc. My favourite group on the show is Jabbawockeez. I also really like Kabba Modern and realised today that I really liked Live in Colour as well. Tonight they sent home Live n Colour in favour of the all-female group Fysh n Chicks. I strongly disagree with this move as I thought that overall Live n Colour has been a much better group than the f'in Fishies. Apart from that, I felt that Live n Colour really embraced and destroyed (in a good way) tonight's challenge, which the f'in Fishies failed to do so.. so I figure it's just for ratings that this happened and I'm once again reminded why I hate television shows like this. *sigh*

Was reading the papers about the boy that got stabbed in Success Laventille and the school was reported as saying that they have had an 'exemplary' standard of 'discipline' at the school. Now rumours and shit talk aside, I've a friend who works in the school and I hear the stories straight from the horse's mouth. My friend has been threatened by students more times than he can remember and has been in scuffles (against his will) with students on more than one occasion. It's just that these things don't make it to the papers.. which I understand, but still don't sit there and lie to the country when we know better about the discipline in your school. We aren't fools.. well I'm not at least.

Now for the good news:

I got my drum pedal fixed and drummed today for the first time in about a month. Finally used my ipod so I drummed along to favourite songs and what not :D and in the same day..

I GOT A JOB!! YAYY!!!! wait.. actually.. I GOT TWO JOBS!! YAYYYY!! (I'm in denial at how stressed from this shitload of work I'm going to be doing).
The first job is in UWI and is pretty exciting to me. I was actually enthusiastic about the job while hearing the job description during the interview..
The second job is co-hosting a new show that's going to be on a local television channel. I've always wanted to do something like this.. actually pretty much this.. so I'm pretty psyched about it. The only problem is the pilot shooting conflicts with the hours of the UWI job.. but I'm really hoping I can pull some strings and be able to go in a little later. We'll see how that goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I'm not dead

2008-02-19T02:03:00.002-04:00

no, I'm very much alive.. just wanted to say that for anyone who cares. Just haven't been feeling particularly blog-y lately for some reason. I feel like I don't have much to write about.. guess that means I've been out of touch with things for a bit.
hey what the ass.. I'm actually blogging about something write now.. this very moment.. well look at that! funny how these things work out.
so yea, I've been out of touch with things for a bit.. haven't been taking on much things external to my personal life and a bit of that is a little TOO personal to write about. Apart from that I'm still currently trying to look for a job.. and trying to figure out what exactly happened to my drum beater cus it's not pulling back after it hits the beater. Need to get one of my drum friends to come check it out for me.
My band took first steps to sign to a new local label - OddSound Entertainment (not to be confused with OddOne Ent. which is a different company but same type of business (music label). We signed a pre-contract merchandising agreement with OddSound so we should be getting our own merch sometime soon! we may need a logo first tho.. ahhh the ever elusive logo that we haven't gotten as YET, after all these years *sigh*. We're getting our own.. get this.. condoms as well. Every band under the label gets their own type of Trojan condom. We get 'twisted pleasure', another band gets 'ultra-sensitive' and another band gets 'magnums'.. now which band you think got the short end of the straw with that one? lol. I feel so... inadequate

so that's that.. two shows are coming up on the same night. I'm pretty turned off by this especially since the promoters whose show was confirmed after the other show are supposed to be supporters of local rock music and bands. That's not support in my opinion. I've supported these promoters before and I'll support them after but I'm not joining them like I had a chance to. I've realised I'd rather be accountable only to myself and no one else.. I really am more of a loner than I previously realised. But yea.. even if I were playing with the second show I'd still be against it.. hell even if it were MY show I'd be against it and move the date (i know this because it's happened with me before).
Incidentally I AM playing for the first show to be confirmed on that date.. it's the label's debut show with the three bands signed to them. It's gonna be a concept show and sounds like it'll be pretty kickass.. which makes me even more angry that another show is happening the same night because I feel like that other show is robbing both these promoters and the people who won't attend of a great experience.

well we'll see how it goes.
I out.

The way things are/ supposed to be

2008-01-30T14:43:00.000-04:00

I just read a most thought-stirring post by Shivonne on facebook and before I knew it my reply was two comment-spaces long. I decided therefore that I should put it here as it reflects how I feel about some things.

Shivonne's original post: http://tahitian-sky.blogspot.com/2008/01/sham-of-public-consultation.html
entitled ' The Sham of Public Consultation'

(I ask that you read her post first as it's not only a good piece but makes my post make sense)

and my response was this:

I've been the same way you are for a while as well. Flinching every time someone says 'but how could they DO that?!' or 'that shouldn't be able to happen!' Obviously if it weren't able to happen we'd be having a different conversation right now.

if ISPATT is any indication, any steel mill in this country is certain death to the surrounding environment. I ask anyone wanting to see what this looks like to check out that area using google earth or some similar program.

maybe one day solidarity won't be a trend or passing phase with trinis. Someone from the EMA came to a lecture I was in once and spoke about the process one must go through to put up.. anything of that nature (as the steel mill).. but I can't exactly remember a lot of it.. and I spent most of the lecture thinking to myself that this woman could save a lot of breath if she just told us the truth that all you had to do was be in good with or pay off the right people and avoid all the hassle of forms and sight checks etc

Once you propose something to this government in a way that makes it seem like they stand to gain in some great (economic) way you get a free pass to do almost whatever you want; a red carpet made by the broken backs of the country's people.
Mind you, you don't actually have to kick back anything much to the government AFTER the fact, once they think you were going to do so before hand and you keep some specific people happy.

I always love it when one of the proposed advantages to these mills etc is 'there'll be lots of work for locals'. As if all fishermen were also engineers or technicians. As if farmers were just as comfortable working with machinery as they were with the land. It hearts my heart when I think about the futures of all these locals who will have their main(and only) source of income ripped away from them only to be given the PROSPECT of 'training' and a potential 'job'. What are they REALLY to do? it's just like you said Shiv - the way things are supposed to be and they way they really are.

Step out

2008-01-26T03:04:00.000-04:00

I'd never seen people 'stepping' until I saw previews for movies like 'Stomp the Yard' and then saw stepping championships on tv etc. I never paid much mind to it really, often looking on with slight interest just because it was a dance form (and I love dance) that incorporated percussive elements (and I love percussions). However it just never grabbed me really.
Then I went to various local shows, one being a show in UWI held by foreign hall students (from other Caribbean islands) and saw (local) trinis stepping (and chanting, as is often a part of stepping). From the first moment I saw a group of trinis do this I got annoyed. I wasn't sure exactly why I was annoyed by this at first but now I realize it's because I feel like my people are once again emulating something from the states that we could more than do (and do better) on our own.

Not a single stepping group that I've seen have done anything different to the stepping I've seen in the U.S. We have neither tried to modify it or incorporate local elements into it. It's pure emulation (in my eyes). And this peeves me. I admire americans doing it for what it is.. some tricky hand and foot movements and group co-ordination. But come on.. trinis must be able to come up with something a lot better than this. Why are why copying this (I refrain from saying crap, though that's how I feel despite my respect for it) dance form?! It's shit like this that is robbing us of our international individuality, our creativity and passion for uniqueness.
Someone must come with the excuse that stepping has African roots etc. This is barely true. It's mostly an american-made dance form and if it WERE heavily reliant on African culture, there'd be a lot more rhythm, colour and better vocalization.

So I appeal to my trini steppers.. at the very least make stepping YOUR OWN. Do something different. Do not be content in the mediocrity of mimicry and emulation. Excel in your own right and bring something new to the table.

Step out of the foreign-made box you're in and step into an endless realm of possibility and originality.

Speaking of free education..

2008-01-25T03:50:00.000-04:00

anyone else have a problem with people who vote/support the PNM BECAUSE they gave them/us tertiary education? Mind you I love the fact that I didn't have to pay tuition for my final year, but sorry - the proper governance of my country and some thousands saved NOW don't quite equate each other for me. This is perhaps because I could have afforded to pay for my tertiary education and I'm sure the story would be different for someone who previously could not have. For those who are like me however, and could afford their tertiary education and still support the PNM because of this; see facebook groups like 'Ah real sorry but PNM pay for my education' http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=9355336351 I say shame on you. You just get free tertiary education, you supposed to be at least a little intelligent. At least there are those in the group who see the truth for what it is and are not afraid to speak out.

Gas brains

2008-01-25T03:32:00.000-04:00

IF the government DOES reduce the subsidy on gasoline in the country would the majority of motorists really notice? Let's say they did it one day and there were no press releases, no articles, no alerts would john motorist realize? I ask this due to the nature of the way us motorists purchase gas. Do we even bother to regard the price per litre that we're paying? Or do we just say 'yea 60 dollars please'? Obviously it's the latter so I'm really wondering if the price of gas went up if general populace would notice/care if they weren't alerted to it being a 'big deal'. I could hear it already "dred, ah find this $60 not doing what it used to in meh tank. The tank probably holdin more now, ah should put ah extra $10"
or "thaz $60?! but the thing barely reach half tank!... oh well.." *drives off*

this is based on a reduction in the subsidy and not complete removal mind you as THAT would definitely be noticeable and as my mom and others have said - there'd probably be riots. But then this country's been heading to riots for some time now so perhaps that'll just bring it on one time. We could riot about everything one time. One big mass riot for a whole week.. and then people will get fed up, go home, bend over and take it like they/we used to. Especially after the government gives them some other equivalent to free education. Legalizing marijuana perhaps.

April Carnival?

2008-01-25T03:16:00.000-04:00

Those who care about carnival, and even some who don't should know by now that there is being discussion as to whether our beloved Carnival should hold a set date (which is being proposed as the last weekend in April). The main reason for this change is economic of course, as fete promoters/owners, mas camps etc are arguing that with this year's very early carnival they didn't get ample time to prepare.

Without really contemplating the matter I thought initially 'hey, a fixed carnival mightn't be that bad. Especially in April, when people could gear up more for it etc'. I also thought that this had the very high potential to severely rob Carnival of it's 'Monday and Tuesday' excitement. After reading other person's thoughts though I must agree that the change is bullshit. They even published a list of dates for carnival for the next 5-10 years along with the first article I read about it. As one person rightly stated - they know the dates already!!! it's their own fault for not being able to plan on time for carnival! Typical trini slackness reigns supreme.

This move will serve to further sever the link between traditional carnival and what carnival is really supposed to stand for and what carnival is today (over produced, commercialized excitement at the right price). Thus I stand by my fellow true carnival lovers against the economic-driven higher-ups. Carnival IS Monday and Tuesday. It isn't just a big two-day fete in the road although that's exactly what it has now come to. In this case we must move backward instead of forward. Backward into tradition. I'd much rather play traditional mas and take on the character of a Midnight Robber than... 'Amalthea'. What am I supposed to do in a white costume that resembles nothing I'm familiar with? Drink and lime and wine.. and that's exactly why things are the way they are now.. the cycle that's getting rid of all traces of tradition.

Blazin d Jumbie

2008-01-25T02:59:00.000-04:00

Perhaps it's my love of music in general that has spurned this disgust and animosity towards Machel Montano's road march contender 'Blazin The Trail'. I think too, that it's my strong sense of fairness and justice with regards to all matters of life that has me feeling like this. Lost? Go try to get copies of Blazin The Trail and Jumbie by Mr. Montano. Then listen to them back to back. It may not be clear to you how alike the two songs are until the chorus of Blazin The Trail begins with 'Blaze it! Blaze it up!' but for sure anyone with two ears and a properly functioning auditory system will hear that it's the same thing.

Now I could have been wrong about this before. Maybe I was hearing what I wanted to hear.
However any doubt as to the close similarity between these two songs ended when I saw Machel live at Ladies First and he opened with Jumbie, then went right into Blazing The Trail then proceeded to jump directly from a verse of Blazin the Trail into 'Jumbie! Jumbie Dem!'. AND HE BOLDFACE WITH IT TOO!! that sealed it for me. I got pissed and couldn't appreciate much else after that.

If it weren't a roadmarch contender AND Jumbie hadn't won last year I'd probably not be this angry. However that IS the case and thus I am. Some may say 'well it's just soca you know'. So what? soca isn't music at the end of the day? Just because it's often generic rhythms with generic lyrics with almost no substance whatsoever to them doesn't get it past the fact that this is music that I enjoy. As such I'd like not to be insulted by artistes, ESPECIALLY one of the most popular soca artistes ever, in this manner. Like I've told anyone who would listen to my ranting - if Machel wins this year it's politics. If he does indeed win roadmarch with Blazing the Trail this year I'm really lockin off roadmarch and all related competitions and really not taking this thing (soca) seriously again.

Now I'd just like to say that by itself I don't actually mind Blazing The Trail.. I like Jumbie so of course I must like Blazing The Trail. I can't listen to it without hearing the glaring similarity though so I choose not to listen whenever it's on (i'll change the station, track etc).
Please stop insulting your fans (a group to which I do not belong) and the general public. First you refused to admit the obvious sampling of Enya's Caribbean Blue and now this.. it's disgusting.

and for those who care, I'm backing Faye-Anne for roadmarch with 'Get On'. Even though she's using the same beat etc from her 2007 song 'Make A Stage', she wasn't a contender for road march, as I felt she should be - so I'm glad people are finally realising the potential she has. Goodluck Ms. Lyons!

Soca in meh vein..

2008-01-20T23:43:00.001-04:00

I love carnival. I could understand how and why some/a lot of people don't though. I think it's a little ignorant of some people to say 'I doh understand how people could NOT like carnival!' but I've heard that a few times.
I've been enjoying the season so far and I like a lot of the soca for this year. I think it's better than last year's and making up for the shit we've been getting for the past few years. Altho in some ways it is still lacking.
Went to one fete so far.. Ladies First. Typical Zen scene - long lines, VIP was shit(so I heard), Dj spun the same things over and over etc.
Gape was LIIVEEEE tho!! reaal bess girls! didn't pick up tho :(
met some real cool people however, so that made up. Was a good lime, with one or two.. or three crappy moments. Saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while so overall it was good. Made me want to go to more and more fetes but I'm only probably going to one more - Euphoria, which is a staple fete for my friends and I now. This will be the third year we're going to it. and of course there's carnival monday and tuesday.. niceness!!

Moral Devolution vs. Numerical Progression

2008-01-20T23:40:00.000-04:00

for some reason I felt like putting this up. It's something I wrote a couple years ago but is more than relevant today still.

Moral Devolution vs. Numerical Progression

Everything, everyone is gone
Lost within their own selfish thoughts
Seeds of hate blossom in their minds
Gone are kind notions, prejudice is born.

Humanity fighting for the right to be called inhumane
Ethically slammed backwards while moving forward into a new age
Computers replace morals and violence reigns
Individuals strive for creativity but are labelled obscene

Murder is art when art is murder
Censorship in more forms than expression itself
Everyone fighting to be heard over each other
But not bothering to hear the noise they make.

The tide washes away all innocence
Corruption spreads from politician to child
It's cold fingers dig into the souls of the most pure
And we are left wondering why

Freedom is oppressed and rights are denied
Guilty walk free while the innocent cry
Euphoria found in endless chemical supply
To do nothing is to sit and watch us die.

Peace is an island where no man can go
Paradise lost in the devil's hold
Face the reality, witness humanity and its slow demise
We kill ourselves just to survive.

...cake?

by: me.

Happiness and responsibility

2008-01-20T23:36:00.000-04:00

At what point do you sacrifice your happiness for your responsibility? If you knew you had the potential to obtain something that made you really happy but had existing responsibilities that operated in conflict with such a thing what would you do?
I couldn't answer this.. hopefully I never find myself in such a scenario

Racist jokes

2008-01-15T04:44:00.000-04:00

I make quite a good bit of racist-themed and stereotyping jokes. They've apparently become a frequently-used tool in my arsenal of jokes. I don't know why I enjoy them so much; playing off of ignorant people's generalized perceptions of particular races/ethnicities/sexualities..
the thing is when I hear comedians making racist jokes e.g. "you white ppl etc etc" or "you black ppl etc etc" I always groan and wonder why these people have to continuously use these kinds of jokes. Yet I perpetuate them myself.

One of my best friends is black as well and he's usually at the receiving end of many of my jokes. As well as my indian friends. (I don't have any close white friends sadly.. I say sadly because I wish I did so I could balance the jokes out). I end up feeling bad after I reflect on the jokes though and always think that I should cut down or stop altogether. I definitely am going to try to cut down because I may slip up and say something around the wrong people some day. Not everyone can appreciate the humour like my friends can.

'Black'(afro-trinis I've heard someone use) people and friend chicken/liquor, rap culture etc
Indian people, especially girls and common-law behaviour. Making curry for their husbands while they cut cane, shot puncheon like water and beat their wives, forcing them to leave and subsequently drinking gramaxone
White people and a seemingly genetic inability to lack rhythm, innate need to oppress everyone else
Jews and killing Jesus
Catholic priests and molesting little boys
Muslims and terrorism

and the list goes on.. I need to sit down and analyze why it is I find these jokes so funny at the times I make them (because if someone said them seriously I'd be offended and tell them something). I'm an advocate for blending of class and race divisions; of there being only one true 'race' and that of the 'human race' (sounds cheesy but I've read anthropologicial and psychological evidence that supports this theory) and yet I still make these jokes that divide and separate these people. Why? And I'm not afraid that I really am racist underneath it all and the jokes are ways for me to express these socially-negative feelings because in serious situations, I'd be offended by racism and the like. I've witnessed a 'dougla' man stand up in a QuikShoppe and cuss and carry on about 'them damn nigger people' (I can't even type that word without feeling a weird chill in my body) and how his mother was dougla and hated black people as well. All I wanted to do was to cuss him out and roll but I didn't want to make a bigger scene so I just walked out quietly. I love my dark-skinned brothers and sisters. I love my brown-skinned brothers and sisters. I love my hindu and muslim brothers and sisters. I love my catholic and jewish brothers and sisters.. and yet I poke fun at them all. Well I'll cut down anyway and hopefully figure out what about the jokes amuses me.

new thought.. perhaps I used my humour as a way of dealing with real world ignorance of these issues. As in, I use the jokes to mock real-world ignorance of my comedic subjects to show my dislike and disdain for serious belief in these phenomena... such as americans as their typecasting of the muslim terrorist. hmm.. perhaps

24 Hrs not enough

2008-01-15T04:39:00.001-04:00

I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day for me to do what I want. Especially when I get a proper 8-4 (plus traffic, so that's me not reaching home til 7 at least) I'll be extremely out of time to do anything I'd like. This includes drumming, playing guitar, reading, playing ps2 or wii, cycling and watching movies. I dunno what to do about this but I hope I figure it out soon. Viekievie seems to have some helpful things to say maybe they'll have some advice for this too :p (thanks for the advice thus far btw)

I've thought about scheduling things but I really don't want my life scheduled out like that.. but perhaps I can at least plan out certain things.. hmm

Updated reflection on crime and my own crime plan

2008-01-14T05:18:00.000-04:00

I've a friend who stands firm that the majority of murders and kidnappings are drug and gang related.

I've had discussions with my mom and my aunt about what is the real cause of the crime situation in the country, as well as what can be done to effectively combat it.

I've constantly read news reports, especially one two-page article from this past weekend's Guardian about gang-related violence and the police force having proper knowledge about the gangs, their members/(community) leaders and whereabouts.

I've read headlines that screamed at me: "KNOWN KIDNAPPER FOUND DEAD'

I've heard the rumours and the talks about known criminals being released and the forewarnings of a rise of crime in certain areas and activities related to these criminals. What a coincidence actually that the same day I was recently warned about a quite known criminal being released I also heard that a friend's drug-using/dealing neighbour was kidnapped.

and I know I'm not the only one. So what is really happening to this country?
*oh geeze, ANOTHER crime-related blog*
yea, sorry.. but it's constant material and needs to be dealt with.

I understand that in some cases police don't have concrete evidence to arrest these known kidnappers and criminals. I also understand that even if the police did have this evidence, the same police would tip off the criminals and they'd escape once again into the seemingly bottomless underworld of this country. In fact, I know someone who was kidnapped and tortured by members of a security firm/police force.

So let's see.. the government is corrupt, the police force is corrupt and citizens are seemingly blind. It seems the only people who are genuine are the bandits themselves. I can trust a criminal to rob me of my wallet, I can't trust a politician to intelligently and effectively operate their post. So on the one hand I have to be on guard for a man(and now women as well) with a knife or gun walking up to me and ALSO on guard for a politician walking up to me armed with a smile and a portfolio of promises. It's a pickle of a position to be in, especially when you can't count on nor trust the forces created to protect you against these things - the police force and integrity commission.

What then, can be a possible solution/s to these problems? We've heard the new crime plan that has turned out to be nothing more than recycled speeches and doomed-to-fail ideas.
Do you battle crime from a top-down approach (strengthening your police force) or a bottom-up approach (combating the source of crime - drugs/gangs/guns etc) or what I like to call the human factor - developing a proper social system, primarily targeting homes and schools.
Well apparently the top-down approach seems to be favoured by this government and we can see what a lovely job that's done so far. More cars! more police patrols!.. speaking of which, you know what's really funny? that you can read one newspaper and on one page read an article talking about crime plans and how we've gotten so many new vehicles for the police force in the past and then on the next page read a story about someone who was robbed and couldn't be attended to by police because they 'had no car'. Comedians couldn't write this stuff!

It is my opinion, like everything else in this blog (is), that the government has jerked us around for the past how-many-ever years with their crime plans. They can't be really taking this as seriously as they should. And if they are, with the full weight/gravity of the situation bearing on them while they create these crime plans, I have to seriously question the intelligence of our leaders. Crime in this country has gotten way past the point where anything contained in any crime plan I have read will be any sort of effective.

my CRIME PLAN:
A combination of strategies is the only solution I see that can be anywhere near likely to making a dent in crime. Strategies that I named before - top, middle, down. Total reformation of the police force. Background and in-depth in-house investigations. Do we have an equivalent to the U.S. Dept. of Internal Affairs? Not just an increase in police numbers, but in police technology. Americans are flame throwers to us, only just having discovered fire. You mean we can't even get a proper DNA forensic team together? For all the psychologists we have in this country you'd think SOMEONE would clue in our legal system that eyewitness testimony isn't exactly the most valid and precise way of obtaining evidence. I have heard of ONE case of police actually dusting for finger prints at a crime scene out of the many, many stories I've heard of crime scenes. But what good are fingerprints anyway if you don't catch the criminal? this brings us back to technology.. I find it extremely difficult to comprehend that we don't have a proper computerized criminal database in this country. Halo and CoD fanboys can whip up a 20 party LAN in a matter of minutes, play WOW with millions of other people and our police force still use pens and notepaper. It's abacus v. laptops man.
Increased numbers of police officers won't mean shit if they can't make. Psychological testing should be mandatory, not just as a requirement to become an officer but also during the course of an officer's career. Training should be modernized to incorporate updated procedures and exercises.

More on this in further posts.. moving on to bottom-up.

Drugs. Come on guys, Trinidad is NOT that big of a country. In fact, it's quite tiny. It's inconceivable that our police force has such a poor rate of successful drug raids and seizures. And hey! guess what's NOT a novel occurrence - kidnappings post drug shipment seizures and related incidents! as my friend says - they hadda get back their money somehow. A sociologist infiltrated quite a bit of the drug trade in this country years ago. It's not impossible to do again. Sometimes you have to let one big fish go to find lots of fish that will eventually lead you to bigger fish(plural of course). Infiltration of drug hierarchies for the purpose of information gathering would be done. Again more on this in later posts.

Middle - as stated before we need strategies to combat the escalating youth movement to a criminal lifestyle. The younger you get them is the more years we going to have of the problem. I heard schools used to have trips to prisons but they were stopped by the parents for being too 'coarse' or something like that.. raiiighht.

anyway dred, I hadda stop it here.. i'll continue later. It's 6.14 and I need sleep. Happy Birthday Nadya!!

to be cont'd...

Wanted: Good, HONEST mechanic

2008-01-14T04:32:00.001-04:00

You know what really pissed me off about mechanics (the ones I have dealt with anyway)? the fact that you carry your car in to have a certain problem fixed and then you get that done, leave and then within the following week some new 'random' problem develops. I've had to endure this time and time again with one particular mechanic shop, whose owner was a family friend. Now I'm not insinuating that the owner had anything to do with the crap that happened, but I'm pretty sure his workers were responsible. Since the last time, over a year ago, I got really, really fed up and decided just to go to Laughlin and DeGannes for whatever general automotive repair I needed.

But apparently Laughlin and DeGannes don't do transmissions. Neither does MasterServ.
Isn't Laughlin's motto 'yes we do that' ? cus I coulda sworn that their marketing strategy is that they do anything you could want done on your car from a wash to engine overhaul. Yet transmissions seem to fall out of their realm of automotive repair skill.. does anyone else see something wrong with this? I mean, if it were something selective, only found in a few cars like cruise control or something that rarely goes wrong, like.. well nothing escapes that, so yea.. I'd understand. A transmission, on the other hand, is found in/on every single car in existence today.. and yet Laughlin 'doesn't do that' ? bah!

so anyway, all that aside, I had transmission problems and had to take it to a transmission specialist. They made me return twice (meaning I was there a total of three times before any work was done on my car). That aside, they were nice and helpful.. now because of my former mechanic issues I don't trust mechanics as far as I can throw them.. and I'm not THAT strong. So when mr. transmission specialist called to say they found iron fillings in my transmission box etc I wasn't at all surprised.. I mean yea, that's probably wear and tear but still, my surprise was at a bare minimum. I told them to fix the problem at hand (speed sensor it was thought) and I'll return at a later date to deal with the rest. Car returned to me, the problem I was previously having hasn't reoccurred but now the transmission feels weird - it keeps delaying going into a higher gear and then takes a while to get back into lower gears.. so I'll tune it up and see what happens.

but anyway the point of all this is this: I have friends who are currently on their way to becoming doctors (I actually have some friends who ARE doctors), lawyers, dentists, psychologists etc etc.. so later in life I'll have a good network of contacts for those areas. Yet I have NOTHING in place for that staple of life - my car. I have no friends who are training to become mechanics etc. So this is an appeal to you, my friends, at least ONE of you - to become a mechanic. Come nuh.. pleasse? do it for me.. my car always f'in up so you'll def get work from me. I need a mechanic I can trust and one who will take the time to explain things I don't understand to me without making me instantly distrust them.

and the search continues..

New Year..

2008-01-02T01:47:00.000-04:00

I'm changing whether it's a new year or not. Changing some of my thinking, some of my behaviour, some of my personality. All with the aim of becoming a (in my opinion) better person. Someone who I can be proud to say I am - someone who I'm happy being.

Ryan's death put a few things into perspective for me, the main thing being that a long life is not promised. (sorry if this sounds familiar) As such I've started taking steps internally (my thinking) to change how I do certain things and how I approach different situations and circumstances. For example, I think that if I died tomorrow I don't want my mom to just be happy that I used to kiss her bye every time I left the house regardless of if we were on good terms or not. I'd want her to know I was finally at least trying to strengthen and build my relationship with her and not think that I was comfortable and satisfied with how things were.

Related to this somewhat is my home life. My room's clean periods are always limited. The dishes, although definitely not as badly as before, still tend to pile up sometimes. These are things my mom is always after me about and I rarely take her on(especially about my room). I'd like to change this. I think doing things like this.. at least trying to tidy up the mess I sleep in once a week, doing the dishes immediately, washing my car once a month(and I AM quite proud of the car when I do wash it..) will help me to become that much more mature. Children leave a mess, men clean it up.

I've also realized I definitely need to SERIOUSLY consider what I'd like to do my masters in and where, along with the fact that I should do the GRE exam. No procrastination this time, I started checking out the GRE website today and have been trying to work out a timetable for myself. Now I just have to start researching masters programs.. jahhh

Relationships.. have a few that need to be dealt with a little better, which I've already started working on. One in particular definitely needs a little adjusting as contemplation upon it has yielded some interesting realizations.

Jobwise.. need to sort that out and get something concrete in place. Can't be floundering around.

Hobbywise - football, music, reading. My three main interests. I've started practicing drums more often, I'm trying to organize at least a weekly football scene and I've started reading one of the four or five books I bought recently for myself.

a Psychology Today issue contained a most interesting and relevant article (to me) recently. It was a short article about relationships. Actually it was a letter sent in to the magazine by a man with some relationship issues similar to mine. So I've actually gotten some advice in that department and I feel better.. lighter.. about it

so yes.. I'm changing regardless of it being a new year or not. It just happens to be the new year while all of this self assessment and 'upgrading' is going on. 2008 isn't ANOTHER YEAR for me.. it's the continuation of my life. One day at a time with the future in mind until I die.

2008 is a label I won't subscribe to, it will not govern the way I do things. It's just a digit change in the date. 2008 is not going to bring new things. Life will bring new things and some of them, perhaps proving to be miniscule in the grand scheme of things, will just happen to occur within the time period we mark off as being '2008'. The only difference between today and yesterday is that you're one day closer to finality. There hasn't been a grand change in things, it's just another day with a slightly new face. A stranger that you think looks a little familiar like you've perhaps seen them before. Embrace life, embrace change, embrace the future and the now whether it's 2008 or not, but since we're all calling life '2008' for the next 364 days, embrace 2008.

Death and the harsh reality

2007-12-24T02:05:00.000-04:00

A guy I knew died yesterday in a car crash. I didn't know him well but he was one of those people my blood took to one time from the first time I met him. That was a year ago. Ever since then I'd see him pretty often at UWI and would always hail him out, go shit talk a five and whatnot. I hadn't seen him a while and then he was at a small but sectioned lime I went to night before and I didn't even make him out.. I feel pretty badly about that now, not because he's gone but because I didn't realize he was there. Even if he were alive today I'd feel the same way.

This post isn't about that though.. it's about death. Death seems all the more painful and tragic when it's around times like these.. Christmas time especially and specifically. But that's human perspective of course, but why wouldn't it be.. we're all at the very least.. human. Death doesn't stop for the holidays. It doesn't wait til the warmth has passed and we go back to the everyday grind. It's constant and ever-present. Always around.

Also, no matter how great of a person you are, if you're doing something dangerous and stupid, you're liable to face the obvious consequences. My partner was speeding. On a length of road that's particularly curvy. And his steering was giving trouble. He was a great guy, but his death was his own fault and that's a harsh reality. His best friend was also killed in the crash so he took his friend's life as well. Because of speeding.

so that's the bitter truth.. we all take for granted the fact that we are here one moment and can be gone the next. Out in the blink of an eye. We go about our existence so generally oblivious to what could happen and treat people as such as well. We hold grudges and hate. We keep secrets and hold off on setting things straight.. we assume there's going to be a tomorrow when in reality that's brazen and arrogant of us to do so. Hence the phrase 'tomorrow please God'.. tomorrow if it pleases God.. because only by God's grace is there a tomorrow and none of us knows God's will. This death, more than any other, perhaps because I saw him the night before, has solidified in me the importance of today and the here and now. Reality is harsh but you can operate within it and use it for your better good. Or perhaps just learn to cope with it.

So to my partner, I hope you are resting in peace; in a better place than I am in right now. You will be missed and your memory will live on. I hope your death will influence at least one person to live their life in a better way than yesterday.

to his friends, family and loved ones my deepest and most sincere condolences. I am incredibly sorry for your loss and my prayers and heart go out to each of you. He was great in life, he will be great in death.

CHRISTmas?

2007-12-23T15:33:00.000-04:00

so we're almost to that lovely day full of warmth and cheer and happiness and love etc etc etc.. no, not the anniversary of the day you lost your virginity.. I'm talking about Christmas. Celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Over the years I've realised I have a few issues with this time of the year though, and these issues/the realization have never been more apparent to me than this year.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm pro-celebration of Jesus' birth, so it's nothing to do with that occurrence. Rather it's the fact that people love to take advantage of this time of the year for whatever reason they can think of. And I'm not just talking about commercialism either. I'm grouping those who categorise this time of year as 'the season of giving' into it as well - those people who do all they can to get all the support and donations they can accommodate and give to the poor/charities/homeless etc. But wait foots, isn't that a GOOD thing? well yes, it is.. these people are so much less fortunate than most of us and need all the help they can get. My disagreement lies with the fact that these so-called good samaritans, these christmas-saints, these good-willing donaters do absolutely nothing for the rest of the year to help these less fortunate persons.

January - November these 'samritans' go about their lives as normal without any regard to the persons who will suddenly find so much help during December. Then parang hits the airwaves, decorations start to go up and lo and behold! it's time to consider the less fortunate. Here's a thought: perhaps if you considered the less fortunate throughout the whole year you wouldn't have to spend as much time, energy and funds at the end of the year to help them (because they'd be in a generally better position than on the average year).

Related to this incident is the people who use this 'season of giving' to ask for donations and help. They're in the malls, by the entrances and walking about inside. They're on the roadside, by the grocery.. I have mixed feelings on this. Yes I admit to this time of year being quite influential on the average person's will to give/donate and as such it only makes sense to use this to your advantage.. but this still doesn't sit quite right with me. You're taking advantage of the season. And yes what better way there is to celebrate the birth of our Lord and saviour than by giving to the poor etc.. but how am I to make sure my money is getting to the poor? and the fact is that most people do not think about Jesus when they give to these people asking for money. They're simply at the mercy of their environment and are thus coerced into giving. A lot of the time it's guilt as well. And this shouldn't be the case.

Then there are the beggars (I feel bad using this term btw) who suddenly come out at this time and sit by the door to groceries etc. What are these people doing the rest of the year? Where do they sit between the months of January and November? they prey upon your seasonal mood and guilt to give the hand-outs.. and for what? I'm not following them to find out so I don't know. What about the beggars who are on the roadside every month of the year asking for money/food etc? I'm thinking they should get preference at this time of the year. If I had the urge to give money to someone I've never seen sitting outside TruValue, I'd take whatever I was going to give him and give it to the tall man who walks the road to go back to the highway from UWI there, or the indian man who is there as well. Or one of the squeegie boys who, annoying as they may be, are still there the rest of the year and not only there when they think they'll have the most opportunity to get something.

There's an ad on the radio that plays on 94.1 *THE BOOM CHAMPIONS!!!* and really really annoys/irritates me every time I hear it. It's for sports and games and it's a song-ad with some guys singing to the tune of 'Jingle Bells' "Jingle Bells.. Christmas really stunk, I got nothing that I like, my gifts were all just junnnnk!" WTF?! you know why your Christmas stunk? because you're so focused on getting gifts that you forgot about the truth behind the season. And yes, I know this is an ad but still.. ughh.. that ad represents all that is now wrong with this time of the year.

And another thing: I understand that December 25th is the acceptable and recognized date for the recognition of the birth of Jesus, but why can't we celebrate this at other times during the year? why not have this in our hearts and minds the whole year through? I'd say my New Years' resolution would be to do that but then I'd be subscribing to another tradition that I have some faults with, so I'll just start from today.. and everyday be thankful for what Jesus did for me and thus for his birth.

apart from this I do love the season though. Ham, turkey, pastelles, sorrel... yummmmy! the warmth inside you get when you really feel the meaning of Christmas. The decorations, the lights, the parang, the festivity.. it's always nice to be festive. But we must not forget that without Christ we'd not have this in the first place.. so big up to THE 'man' J.C.!! *fist-to-chest thump*

so thus wraps up my Christmas blog.. well I might end up doing another before/right after so perhaps this won't be the only one. Til next time.. Christmastime! *mini christmas tree begins to get bigger* CHRISTMASTIME! *and bigger* CHRISTMASTIME!! HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *extends to full length and glows with coloured blinking lights and decorations*

^ if you don't get that reference then you're square man. (while the rest of us are shapeless masses of potential that can become anything we want)

A Dream I Just Woke From

2007-12-11T09:16:00.000-04:00

I had a thought recently that maybe I'm an atheist who's too much of a pussy to be an atheist. i.e. I'm in fear that I may be wrong and when the time comes I'll pay for my mistake.

Then I thought a little more but eventually didn't bother about that thought anymore. Now, after my dream I consider this a slap in the face of everything I believe to be a sign of THE higher power in my life. From little things to blatant, obvious things. From strange things like my beloved 626 being stolen and being found and returned to a police station before I even know it went missing to the existence of the super-natural and my experiences with it. I may be laughed at by some but I hold these things very dear to me.

My dream, I don't think was overly symbolic. Perhaps it was purely psychological but even so, or rather especially so (from a certain standpoint) I should take notice of it. I dreamt I was back in my old house with family and friends. It was a worldwide special day.. like Christmas, except it was a tradition where you light candles and go to a mass or something or the other along those lines. So everyone(neighbours etc) were lighting their candles and going(walking) to some church that was close-by. I didn't want to go and I was kinda annoyed that I was being made to go by my parents so instead of carrying a cd player or something to tune out, I used my phone. I plugged in my phone's headset and was playing/blasting Necrophagist from it.

Walking down the road, one of my best friends had to leave to go pick someone else up. Right after this happened (in the dream) I suddenly had a book in my hand and the scene shifted to a few of us being in my house, which wasn't my true old house but it was supposed to be. The book had some symbols and markings on the front and my mom told me don't touch that book it's evil. I figured she was just saying that crap because I was listening to metal etc etc. Scene shifted back again to the road I was on before, and my mom screaming at me (a bit fearfully at this time) to get rid of the book. I screamed at her (a little hesitant and unsure) that she was being dumb and I threw the book at this hot girl who was in front of me. This is where the dream gets.. odd

The book was either grabbed by the girl's hands or started levitating in front of the girl. I realized quickly that this really wasn't an ordinary book. I kinda started yelling at the girl to get rid of the book but then a voice screamed that it was going to possess her.. which it promptly did. Four witches/demon chicks possessed the girl. I felt like it was my fault this happened (doi) so I tried to get the demons out by lay-exorcism (lol!). I held the girl/demon combination and tried to say the our father prayer. It did not work too well. In between the prayer I kept having thoughts of having sex with the girl. I tried again.. same result. I started feeling like this wasn't going to end well.. for anyone. I didn't want to say the Hail Mary because someone I respect for their belief and spiritual wisdom once said something along the lines that 'Mary has no power to listen to prayer etc. She is not divine, she was a human.' and as such said person didn't believe praying to her.

At that point in the dream however, I felt like I was quickly approaching that 'shit out of luck' moment so I tried it. And it started working. One Hail Mary after another and the erotic thoughts subsided and it looked and felt as though I was doing some damage. I threw in some personal, on the spot made up prayer to draw power from the almighty and after a while I managed to get the job done. Girl was saved, day was saved hooray, hoorah.

Things were a little shaky after that then the scene changed back to the house and I was in it with what was supposed to be my family and a friend or brother. There was a really bad storm and we had no windows for some reason so all the breeze was coming inside and was really strong. There was thunder and lightning - the whole shebang. I felt/heard a voice saying 'this is what happens to you when you love your God!' and I replied that if this storm was the work of my God then I would be safe. Unfortunately the storm proved to be the work of some far more sinister force. Things quickly escalated and the friend/brother almost got sucked out a door and people were hysterical blah blah blah. I think the witches/demon chicks came back. I fought them off again however and it stuck this time.

Things returned to normal and sunny etc and the dream ended soon after with me telling someone that 'I don't need to wear my love of God as a badge on my sleeve, I have it in my heart."

That concluded my dream and I woke up. I didn't even intend to write this blog but it just sort of happened. I guess cus a friend asked how come I haven't written anything in a while and I figured you don't need anything in particular to write about in a blog such as this, so.. why not

But in writing this blog things hit/occurred to me from my dream that weren't immediately clear to me at first. As such I'm thankful that I did write this post. Those things that became clear are:

well the obvious one: I don't need to wear my love of God as a badge on my sleeve, I have it in my heart. This is quite powerful to me.

then there's this: Buildings and organizations calling themselves 'the church' or 'a church' may be corrupt/ed but the true church of God, of Jesus Christ cannot be tainted. It is a place where true believers, true faith holders gather. - this is also important to me cus I've bashed the church generally for quite some time. I've made tons of jokes to my catholic best friend about pedophile priests and the like, as well as some other more negative stuff. I lumped everything into 'the church' and said they were hypocrites and liars, self-righteous and corrupt. Truth is.. I still think they are, but now I've learnt the difference between man's church and God's church.

to follow up: The traditions of man may have been started in good faith or in bad but this matters not when matched against the traditions of your personal faith and belief - Christmas may be taken from pagans etc etc. but whenever you choose to reflect and thank God for the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ - that's your Christmas Day. If you want to have the usual turkey and ham etc celebrations with your family in July for Christmas that's your Christmas.

and finally: Some things you think may be innocent or even from 'God' may not be so innocent or positive.. this is the point of the book 'The Beautiful Side of Evil'. Some things we take so innocently may have a more sinister purpose.

and what about Necrophagist? I didn't get any negative feelings about that, only one psychological one, which was that I used it as a reasoning to think my mom was being bitchy about the evil book. Hopefully dream-me will know better next time. I still don't believe I listen to satanic music. I actually stay far away from satanic music. And trust me, there is metal and then there's satanic metal. There's death metal and then there's satanic death metal. It's not all the same thing.

Funny thing happened the other day..

2007-12-05T00:30:00.000-04:00

Went to a client's office to organize deposit and down-payment for a job we were gonna do for them and stuff. The boss man was temporarily 'away' so he was forwarding his calls to his lieutenant (hereafter known as 'mads'). So we're at the client's office and some discrepancy or the other occurs.. some confusion or whatever, so the client (hot chicky!.. whom I also know from before.. who was looking especially hottt that day) decided that she'd call the bossman.

The scene:

Client has a normal-sized desk and is sitting behind it.
Mads is sitting right up on the opposite side of the desk, using it to write stuff.
I am standing right behind Mads and have a view of everything.

The punchline:

Client calls bossman and mads, of course, answers the phone (because all his calls are being forwarded to her). Mads answers 'Hello, good afternoon?'
Client says 'good afternoon, may I speak to *bossman's name* please?'
Mads: 'oh I'm sorry.. *it is at this point that I am really trying to resist the urge to buss out laughing* the bossman isn't available today. I'm Mads.. *the client has a bewildered look on her face, as if she's not completely sure what is going on and if this is real* .. would you like to leave a message?'

at this point the client realizes what has taken place, especially because I'm laughing my ass off as quietly as I can behind Mads and hangs up the phone.

wait, wait, there's more..

after the client hangs up the phone Mads continues..

'hello? hello? I think they hung up! but ey!ey! what kinda ting is tha... wait.. why you laughing so mu...'

priceless.. truly priceless.

or perhaps you had to be there.

1, get ready to go, 2, get ready to go. 1, 2, 1 2 3 4...

2007-12-01T14:00:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking lately that a country's most popular music might be a good indicator of said country's lifestyle, thinking and general attitude towards things. I think this with regards to one genre of our various national music styles - soca. Now don't get me wrong, I like soca. I even love it sometimes but I still can't help but wonder about what soca and fetes say about trinis.

People wonder how Hitler could have had such influence. I think if Machel decided he wanted to continue the 'thousand year reich' I don't think many would even bat an eyelash. He'd definitely have his army of loyal followers, especially if he decided to conduct the genocide in fetes.

More than soca artistes of course, have this commanding ability though so that's not even limited to our culture. What has made up the brunt of my thinking is the content of these songs and what they represent. I like to have fun, free up and enjoy myself like anyyyooone else but there comes a point when you SHOULD stop, reflect on the music that you're listening to and think about what this really says about the people who listen to it, if anything.

Soca is made to energise people and to aid in the general freeing up of oneself at a party. It's a fun music, an energetic music, an excitable music. You hear that beat and that rhythm and your waist starts going one time. You want to grab a hold of your or any man or woman and buss down a flex.
But what does this really say about our people? You have some conscious-minded people in the midst of all the waving of rags and flags but these people and their songs seem to get lost in the sea of 'jump and wave, jump and wave'. As such I'm not going to generalise all soca songs and when I do use terminology that does such I do so with full mind that not every soca song is about the same thing.. just most.
So yes, I wonder what a foreigner coming for our carnival must think apart from 'wowww these people have so much fun!' etc etc etc.. what would they think beyond the fun? would they think 'wow, these people have such laid back lifestyles, everything is a party and a fete. Do they care about anything else?' or would they take it for granted that we DO care about other things, just not enough to put them into our most popular style of music? would they perhaps question what we do for the rest of the year after carnival is over? perhaps they might think that if we cared less about jumping and waving and more about our crime situation that things might be a little better for us when we actually go out to fetes.

I don't mean to sound narrow minded, mind you. Because I do love soca myself, as well as many other forms of music. I also know that when you go to a party, you go to a party.. you don't go to a party to discuss the economic situation of the country or global warming or how much chicken and flour is rising (and really, wtf is up with that shit!?) You go to have fun and enjoy yourself and that's where the majority of soca is heard and enjoyed, so it'd be wrong to totally base an assumption or judgement on those circumstances. The fact still remains however that there are people who listen to soca right thru, year round, apart from the fetes etc and there are people who make songs year-round with the same thing in mind.

And really, how many times can one artiste bring out a sing with the same exact message? 'get on bad, free up yuhself, jump, wave yuh rag, wine behind the truck, wine on a woman..' and it's like people don't even seem to notice nor care about the content of the songs. As a friend recently said 'a popular artiste could bring out a song that was total shit and it'd still be a hit because they're popular and because it has a soca beat'. I personally still have my intelligence at parties and can recognize the difference between a song with any other redeeming value than to get me pumped to take that next wine on that cuteness standing next to me though.

the soca mentality just really makes me question what values many of T&T's citizens hold and what they really care about. Do they only care about partying and getting on, having a good time or do they actually care about what happens to the country and what happens to them? I'd like to think it's the latter, and truthfully I have seen things that indicate this, but it's still a thought I have.. this whole soca saying something about our country thing

Things I've learnt so far from my job

2007-11-28T12:18:00.000-04:00

A long-time procrastinator, I'm becoming more and more pro-active and immediate simply by watching my boss work. He may be a lot of things but a procrastinator he is not.

I've learned that wet tiles might by slippery but not as slippery as dirty tiles (for some reason)

Even the most affable and friendly people can be assholes.
similarly, the good nature of the person says nothing about the type of businessperson they are and they may turn out to be penny pinchers and cheap, cut corners people

Everyone in this country expects that things can be put together and completed at the last minute. And things are usually completed as such, so the cycle continues

Business and friendship can be mixed.. unless you want to be dedicated and professional about your business and not want your friendship to be taken advantage of.

how to deal with people

how not to deal with people

the fact that you really have to have money in order to make it.

that you don't have to be 'smart' to be a good businessperson. 'Smart' meaning have a proper education etc.. you don't need to know the difference between a zebra and a horse or to be able to speak proper english to have a successful business

list to continue..

It's not where you go..

2007-11-28T12:02:00.000-04:00

I've usually held firm to the belief that it's not WHERE you go but WHO you go with. I still believe in this highly but last night taught me something.. where you go can still have quite an effect on you and the lime.

Started off in a popular resturant/bar having a couple drinks and shit talking with a best friend, met a couple lovely ladies (friends as well though :( ) and limed a little while longer. Then another group of friends came and said they were going to this other lounge place that is renown for being stoosh and.. high class(?). One of the girls with us said it'd be boring and she hasn't heard anything great about the place, but I always wanted to at least check it out, so I hit her the 'it's not who you go with' line and we were on our way.

real kix to get there, even walking towards the place.. but as soon as I stepped onto the compound I felt a little suffocated. Perhaps it was the nice little sign telling me what I should wear to be respectable in their establishment.. quite within their right.. or perhaps it was the immediate and almost deafening stares by the patrons who were already there, all clustered around one table (because there was only one big group of people there). Managed to make my way to the bar feeling a bit uncomfortable but still determined to take the place in.

Went to the bathroom, which was really nice btw.. came back out and had a drink (coke). Got it in a pretty glass and made a joke with the nice female bartender.. figured things weren't so bad. Still that suffocating feeling never quite left me. It DID diminish greatly once I started shit talking with my ppls but I always felt this tension in the back of my mind or perhaps my spine.
One of my friends was gonna do some antic or the other and was told promptly (by another friend) 'nooo. do NOT do that here! not HERE!' and it's that kinda thing I'm talking about.. I don't like when the vibe or mood or even policy of a place dictates how I can have my fun.. it's pretty dumb. But then again it was our decision to go there so it's not like I could complain.

Needless to say I don't think I'll be going back to that place again anytime soon. I'll stick to my usual places where I can have my fun in my way without having to feel like I'll get hard stares and be asked to leave.

Maturity questions

2007-11-25T21:54:00.000-04:00

Am I really maturing as the days pass or is it just me pretending to be more mature for the sake of my age?
and how mature am I supposed to be at this age?

undoubtedly whatever it is, it's a product of the experiences I have been through and will go through. I don't think maturity is evolutionary, unless you're looking at the evolution of society rather than that of biology.

To be continued? perhaps.. but Dexter is on now and that means my eyes shall be super-glued to the TV

btw why is it that no trini knows what 'super glue' is yet everyone knows what 'krazy glue' is..?

My new guitar

2007-11-24T04:14:00.000-04:00

Sooooo beautiful!! I'm not a big Carvin fan generally because I think too many people jocking them like they're THE shit. However I do recognize that they're a great company and make finnnnee guitars and amps etc.

my recently acquired guitar however is honestly the most beautiful guitar I can remember seeing in my entire life. It's not just the blue on black quilted maple top or the neck through or the abalone inlays (sexiest inlays I've ever seen on a guitar) or the matching neck (matching to body AND inlays) but how all these things add up. This is what obviously got me about the guitar first.

well no, first it was the fact that a friend called me up early one morning raving about this new guitar in our favourite music store that happened to be one of my favourite solo artiste's signature guitars.. went to check it out and THEN fell in love. Picked it up and that was it. Paid down one time.

It's a floyd rose, which I've hated before, but it's not double locking; there is no locking nut at the neck and head so that made things a little easier for me to get past. Also I've always wanted a trem.. just not a floyd rose. I've been having a lot of fun with it though so I'm pretty much past my dislike for this particular one.

24 frets.. which was important to me. Not because I have any great NEED or USE for the last two frets but because I just have a mental block against 22 fret guitars.. seems like something's missing. I like my gear to have as much features as possible that will allow me to expand my playing and not limit me.. in short, I'd rather have it than not.

Alder body, which I've previously been kinddd of against but it makes the guitar lighter than my LTD AND the quilted maple top covers up for it.

one of the coolest features is that the volume knob is a push/pull switch that cuts the distortion from the guitar (EVEN WHEN PLUGGED INTO MY LINE6 POD!!) and cleans up the signal/tone. This works especially well with the neck pickup. Thus any clean parts in our songs, I just switch to neck pup and pull the switch up. NICENESS!!!

There is also veryyyyyy little info about this guitar and its fellow models on the www. This made it that much more appealing to me as there's a mystery to it. There IS talk about the models etc but definitely no where near the extent of other carvin models. Or other brand models for that matter.

so all in all.. I'm extremely grateful for this new guitar and I love both my friend who first told me about the guitar AND helped me to pay down for it and the guitar itself. I was polishing it some night ago and I just sat and stared at it for a good few minutes. My neighbours were victims of attempted robbery last week so the day after before leaving home I actually hid my guitar. Leaving all other gear and equipment in the open eh..

it's just... wow.

"

What I've been listening to lately

2007-11-24T04:03:00.000-04:00

Ludacris' 'Release Therapy' album - very besss. This is an artiste that I've always looked forward to and looked out for. Always delivers. Woozy = big tune.

Tony MacAlpine - Edge of Insanity: After exhausting his latest releases I've decided to go back in time to his earlier (and by no means lesser) stuff. Great solo artiste/guitarist/keyboardist. And his Carvin guitar that I recently got is beeeeeeauutiful!!

Various dancehall tunes - Most played being Aidonia - Buka, Busy Signal - These days, Queen Ifrica - Below the waist, Dr. Evil - Stamina Man, Movado - Gully Side, Munga - Bad from mi born, Busy and Movado - Badman Place, Vybz Kartel - kick inna face, Sean Kingston, Mims, Mr. Vegas and Vybz - Like this (remix) and Collie Budz - Blind to you (and no, I'm not going Zen to see him)

Pitbulls in the Nursery - Lunatic (album): French death metallers. Instruments sound like machinery both on the album and live. *RAAA!!!!*

Isis - post-rock/metal greatnesssss!!

94.1fm - The Boom Champions!!! giving me my lovely soca for 2k8 and that Beenie Man song that I've been seaaarching and seeaarcching for

I wish I could find a girl who shares my taste in music :(
or at least one who could go bruck out with me in a party and then listen to tech-death going home. or dancehall on the way to a rock show *sigh*

Tune killing

2007-11-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

you know what I real hate dred? when a big tune comes out and radio stations/people play it TO DEATH!! everywhere you go you hearing the song being played or people singing it or it's being used in ads or people naming parties after it.. it really loses the appeal it had when it now came out and I end up wondering why I thought it was good in the first place.. bleh

bubble like soup people, bubble like soup cus it's too late to apologise

A sad realization: the death of a role model

2007-11-19T21:48:00.000-04:00

It happens in many peoples' lives. Certainly at childhood and adolescent levels, when you realize the person/s who you have looked up to for so long may not be the great people you've made them out to be. When you realize your dad may not be the personification of everything a father should be. When you realize your mom may not be able to do everything in the world.
This post however is not about family, but about someone I've more or less admired professionally for a few years. I neglect to describe them or what they do cus that'd be an instant make-out so we'll just call him Bill.

Bill's work has inspired me throughout the years in an area of my life that I enjoy. Before two years ago however I didn't know him personally. That changed when I had the honor of meeting him and liming etc. Since then I haven't gotten much closer to him but we can talk and lime normal, no scene. I've occasionally witnessed things over these couple years that made me question a bit how much I truly did admire his personality. Before I even met him I saw something that had this same effect, yet that was years and years ago so I figured he must have grown up by now.

I guess he didn't really. Recently an incident happened that really became the culmination of every little incident I saw where I thought 'wow.. he's a little bitch dred' or the like. Something happened in public and he handled things like a real prima donna. Diva extra-ordinnaire. He didn't have to, but this was his nature. After this first reaction, the upsetting situation was returned to normal but still he acted like a spoiled baby. This really made me see his true nature. It was the death of role model for me and the birth of another asshole I happen to know.

perhaps this is why I don't have any other role models really (except one other guy who actually is a FRIEND). Because I can't put anyone up on an admiration pedestal like that without knowing their true nature and usually when I find that out, it always contains a let down. I don't expect perfection but I can't condone certain things that go against my beliefs.

and that's that.

THE most anxious 15/20 mins of my life

2007-11-18T05:13:00.000-04:00

At least in semi-recent times.

It was something like 10/half 10 in the night and my mom's friend and I were getting food for one of his workers in KFC curepe because the one in valsayn was too full. We reach KFC but there's no parking in the front AT ALL so he drives around to the side and pulls to the side of Royal Castle, which is on the corner. This was also the place where a partner was abducted from and subsequently murdered in the backseat of a car. That very spot. So you know all this done running in my mind by the time mom's friend parks by royal castle. He parks facing inwards by the way, i.e. with his back to the road.

So I figured he wouldn't be too long (completely missing the logical assumption to be made that all the cars in front of KFC belonged to customers) and the car might be safer if I stayed in it because it was no parked in the corner of the building in a darkish area with some shady characters around, especially in a car which was parked perpendicular to us. He goes inside KFC.

Five minutes pass and the anxiety is building because the guy standing by the front door of the car next to me is looking at the vehicle I'm in (CRV) occasionally, with what I thought at the time might have been intent. To add to my worries a girl came out of the passenger seat of the car (a girl was also involved in my partner's murder) and walked right towards the CRV and stared, about 4 feet away from the front right side of the CRV, into it.. then walked back to their car. Well anxiety shot up even higher then. By this time I had dialed 999 on my cell phone and had a thumb on the call button waiting. This number did not leave my cell screen until I left curepe.

Because the car is parked facing away from the road I couldn't see what was behind me so my head and eyes were constantly moving from right wing mirror to rearview mirror to left wing mirror, back to rearview mirror and right wing.. back and forth, back and forth like a surveillance camera. The people in the car on the side of me eventually leave but not before another, even shadier looking guy gets out the car and walks off behind the CRV.. that was a stress in itself but didn't last long as I saw him walk down the road.

So the car on the side leaves.. but then I realize now I'm alone on the side of Royal Castle in the dark. 10 more points gained on the anxiety scale. Still with thumb on call button with police number on the screen and head moving like a swivel-cam, I start running scenarios in my head about what could happen and how I'd react. This was prob a dumb move on my part and only served to make me more anxious. Every person that passed was given a good scopin out. No one came within 15ft of the CRV without me gauging them. Then two women came out of Royal Castle, got into the car that was on the opposite end of the building, towards the front and left. At that point I was the only vehicle on that side of the building. All that became too much for me so I hopped over the cupholder into the driver seat and turned the CRV around to face the road and parked a little nearer to the front, which was also better lit. I kept the car on, doors locked, transmission in neutral, hand breaks ready to deploy and foot hovering over the X. All during this time my thumb was still waiting to hit 'send' for the popes (babylon, police, 5-0 etc). At least I could have seen the road, so it put me a little more at ease.

Well eventually mom's friend came back and we left, safe and sound.. which I am very grateful for because many people have not been so lucky in that exact same area, even at that hour of the night.

here's to hoping I'm never put in that position again dred.

Footwear observation

2007-11-17T19:03:00.001-04:00

Puma is now the Converse for people who don't listen to rock or like related fashion.

Really.. every single public place I go to SOMEONE is always wearing pumas.. I doh blame them tho, I've seen some pretty sick styles and designs.

big up yuhself Puma.

A great saturday night

2007-11-13T20:19:00.000-04:00

This saturday gone I linked up with an old (female) friend who I haven't seen nor spoken to in a gooood while. We recently started back talking and wanted to lime (no, it's not like THAT - she has a bf who she's been with going on three years and there's nothing there between us on that level) so she told me to come to this UWI concert that was being held by the JGI hall (doh ask me to remember what JGI stands for.. Joyce something something) in LRC. I had originally wanted to go to the AFTER PARTY of that concert to see if I coulda check up on this sweet Dominican girl I knew was gonna be there.. but I gave in to my friend's requests and ended up going to the hall concert.

The concert itself was pretty good I must admit. There were random fashion shows, dances, skits, musical acts etc. I reached like an hour and three quarters late though, cus I was helping my mom paint a room that we're doing over. So yea, get to the concert, didn't have to pay cus I was so late and sat down between her and her friend, whom I was introduced to. This is where the night really gets going. During a particularly funny skit that humourously highlighted the differences between Caribbean people, I was informed that the young lady on my right was from Jamaica.. and she was laughing at my stupid jokes.. For some reason I felt comfortable and I already had conversation material as my dad now lives in Jamaica and I've recently been for the first time..

fast forward to after the concert.. which I reiterate was quite good. My friend, her Jamaican friend, another of the Jamaican's friends, another Jamaican (but a guy) and I stand up talking and I'm cracking joke after joke and not feeling like an ass.. which I owe to the two jamaicans being rather easy-going and down to earth, as well as possessing a rather lovely sense of humour (i mean, they WERE laughing at my jokes). It was however, soon time for my friend to leave with her boyfriend as she had a chess tournament to enter the following morning (which she did well in btw!). This was the crossroad for me.. My natural personality would be to leave one time with my friend because I'd be too shy and awkward staying back to lime with people I didn't know and was now meeting for the first time. Something was different this time though and they made no indication that they wanted to leave me standing there by myself, so I said I'd stay back and lime for a bit.

That bit turned into three hours. The two Jamaicans, whom I shall call Ms. C and Mr. S, were the coolest people I've met for the first time in a long time. The conversation flowed and flowed. One topic to the next with jokes strewn throughout. This is something I truly and absolutely enjoy - meeting new people, who make me feel so comfortable that I can really be myself with them and in turn they are quite open to conversation on my levels (neither high nor low) etc etc. All in all a really comfortable first experience with people.. So we spoke of jamaica and my time there and their time there and music and trinidad and geography and nothing at all.

At some point Mr. S had to go handle some business so I sat on LRC steps with Ms. C chatting about ourselves and our experiences. Before we knew it an hour and a half had passed. By this point I knew she had a boyfriend and I was fine with it because it made me a little more calm around her. For some reason as well I wasn't annoyed when Mr. S came back. I was actually happy.. this rarely happens when I meet guys, ESPECIALLY when I meet guys with pretty/cool/etc girls. So we limed again for a bit and decided we'd go check out the after party which was going on by then. Took a walk to JFK carpark where the party was being held and stood up on a bench overlooking the temp walls for the party. Decided we were better on the outside and then the party got shut down by security anyway.

Oh yes, did I mention I DID see the Dominican? yea she passed next to me but I couldn't care cus I was engrossed in conversation with my two new associates.

We limed outside the shut-down party for a 5 mins and then walked back to LRC where Ms. C and I parked (Mr. S lives on campus). I felt like if another conversation started we'd be there for another couple of hours. I felt like we (yes, even Mr. S as well) could have gone to either person's home or wherever to continue the lime.. Me, who is so shy sometimes that it comes across as being anti-social was there contemplating continuing a lime with people I now met. Fortunately though we all had to leave so numbers were exchanged (even this process contained very little awkwardness) and that as that.

Since then I refrained from contacting Ms. C for fear of seeming pushy or overbearing. She however, messaged me the other night so now the channels are open for further conversation. Here's hoping she comes to Eraclash tomorrow. I have to tell her to bring her bf too so I could meet him lol

so yes.. Saturday was one of my most enjoyable social nights in a good while. 1) I got to meet and lime with an old friend and we are still talking. 2) I got to meet two very very cool new people. 3)I spent absolutely no money (definite PLUS) and 4)I gained a little more confidence, independence and experience with social situations such as that one.

see you all at Eraclash!

unrelated: I realize my blog posts are generally pretty long.. i guess that's because of the length of time I take between posts.. or perhaps I just like typing/writing etc.. I'll try to cut them down in the future for better readability

And.. it is over.

2007-11-06T02:26:00.001-04:00

The PNM has won. Did anyone have a doubt? I mean really.. apart from hope, did you think any other party had as much of a chance?
COP split the vote, COP split the vote. The next rape is 'our' fault (i use our because I'm writing this from the standpoint of a semi-COP supporter, although I share allegiance with no political party to this date). If a family member of mine is killed it's my fault because I split the vote.. well no I didn't vote, so it's the other COP supporters faults.. It seems that this is the new anthem of the UNC. Really.. how bitter and small can you get?

To me, this is the situation: some people are choosing to live in a backwards society where you have the least options available to you, rather than trying to move forward into a new age of democracy, where you actually start having a better choice. Yes, this will not work now because the PNM is so entrenched in the mind's of its supporters. But in the future maybe.. hopefully.
This argument I myself am at odds with because on the one hand, I'm for the multiple party choices, but on the other hand I know that once it is not the PNM that has split, they will win. In this vein I am admitting that vote splitting has been ONE factor to the demise of any real opposition to the PNM's power.

However, on the other hand, and all the while I was checking the figures and doing the math, the UNC would still not have won, even with EVERY SINGLE ONE of the COP voters voting for them.. an extremely unlikely, nigh impossible occurrence. Apart from this most logical and statistical evidence, preventing other parties from being in the running would just be another method of keeping this country from moving forward to first world status, however many decades in the future that is. Isn't that really what an election for this country is supposed to be about? Choosing the most worthy candidate to take us forward?

I say this and I laugh to myself because I know the truth.. no, this election is not about who is the most worthy person. Die-hard supporters of each party prove that this is not so. Racial voters for each party prove this is not so. Together these two groups make up quite a sizeable proportion of the voters.. so no, Trinidad and Tobago elections have never been and have not been this year, about which candidate was most worthy. We are apparently stuck in our third-world mentality and cannot see past our parents' voting or our friends' voting. It is because of this, that I am happy for the COP. Happy not for the COP themselves but for the third option as it represents, to me, a step in the right direction.

and yet still people find a way to bring race into the debate. Indians vs indians. UNC vs. COP. Why does it have to be about race? Of course I'd expect race to factor in between the PNM and the UNC but why is it still about race with the COP? and some people FIGHT for this argument.. why is it indians have to be fighting so, why can't they unite against the black people.. come on.

what saddens me is that most of the examples I've used for this bit of writing have come from people my own age. Tonight I was going through a facebook political group and reading wall posts. For the first time in my life I actually felt a sense of hopelessness and helplessness for the future of this country. I felt as though no matter how many free-thinking individuals we have, the majority is always going to lie with the ignorant, narrow minded, self-righteous, never-wrong, bitter and egotistical persons. This is really fighting against my hopes that we are making (baby) steps towards a better future. What is one new party compared to thousands of these falsely intellectual persons? It is an incredibly daunting situation.

perhaps I have digressed from my original point, or perhaps I have expanded to incorporate other feelings, making this yet another general political post. Either way, it continues;

I was thinking about it and while I still stand by my 'fuck Jack Warner' stance, I would have liked a different party to win this election, just to experience something different. If it turned out to be worse then we live with that, if it turned out to be better then fine. I'm just in the mood for a change. The PNM has been in power for 10 years straight now, onward to another five. That's almost half my lifetime gone there, though I vaguely rememeber the UNC being in power. But perhaps this mood change can still come. Haha again I think I am kidding myself. My thinking in the previous statement was this: if the people speak, government has no choice but to listen. Are you laughing yet? the statement itself is a noble thought yes, but when applied to this country it becomes a laughable prospect. The smelter issue is a perfect example. From the people not being able to fully come together to a prime minister who had no intention to heed any voice of HIS people, it just went to show what the real situation is. Furthermore so if/when he becomes executive president.

I have a question. I shall post this in a new note so it gets the attention I'd like it to. Would you rather have a corrupt prime minister who steals money but can run a country OR a most noble and honest prime minister who cannot run a country? It saddens me that my morals must take a bend for this one but I think I'd go with the corrupt prime minister. I'd rather have my country in top shape than have it in no shape at all with a leader who won't lie to me.

As this is getting quite lengthy I think I'll stop here. Thus, onwards we go into the next half-decade (which I reiterate from a previous post, is far too long a term) with much of the same, if not more stupidity and injustice being done to the people of the country. It is the ultimate shame when a country's people have no voice and are suffering when its leaders are sitting on gold toilet seats.. and this is the shame we will face every day for the next five years.

which reminds me.. I should make a post about Haile Selassie that may make me pretty unpopular with my rastafari friends.. all zero of them.

peace to my fellow countrymen. Whether you are a UNC supporter, a PNM supporter or a COP supporter, we must all live in the same country tomorrow. You may not have voted the man into power but you have to live with it now so deal with it. (which may not have to be passively. I do not advocate inactivity.)

Words and Sentances

2007-11-01T10:23:00.000-04:00

words. words on a page. teach them to misbehave. wave their rags, wine and dance. and do tricks. obey. conform. Make them suffer under the indecisiveness that comes when you aren't quite sure of what to write next. Let their anticipation build. Who will be chosen next? 'deceived' perhaps, 'ostentatious', 'gullible'.. no these are not words that somehow describe me, I am merely rambling. This is neither poetry nor a spoken word prompt sheet. My phone is ringing, that answering machine comes on way too quickly. And it's far too loud. My dad is back in the country, I need to get my phone fixed. F)@*J@#U Nokia 5500. Worst phone decision of my life. It's so bad I'm quite confident in this designation at this (hopefully) early stage of my life. Some people leave us too soon. Others just can't seem to be gone soon enough. Those two groups of people should meet and teach each other some things. Perhaps they could just switch places.
What is it with women? and women and men? We have such different modus operandi and tendencies. And yet no man and no woman can totally figure out the other sex. or gender. or whatever pc term they using these days. If a man has a sex change and likes men is he gay? no because he's now a she? was his surgeon God? no? what does his birth certificate say? male? then what's the discussion? If I clone a sheep is it the same sheep as before or a new sheep? and why would you want a new sheep? was the old sheep not good enough? Imagine the insecurity complex that would develop in the old sheep. My words flow forth like the water WASA is not allowed to give us. Which is to say, not very flowy anyway cus it's WASA. I didn't think I'd need to explain that metaphor but I leave nothing to...what music am I feeling to listen to? what am I feeling to do? why am I not still asleep, I have football later. Hopefully. Hope.. hope is a strange thing. I find myself saying sometimes 'I hope but I doubt'. I think this brings across my mentality towards life in general. I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic. I'm a realist as cliche as that sounds.. but a realist with a touch of fantasy. Perhaps that keeps me sane. So many things do. Well no, not many things do, but the ones that do are good at their job. For the time being. Perhaps I should stop now and play poker. Is it possible to say this started out with some promise but ended up not fulfilling its potential? you know, seeing as this has all been random.. apparently I'm funny. Not funny gay, funny haha. Not that I have anything against gay people, just the gay lifestyle. I DO have something against annoying people who happen to be gay though. Maybe I should get a proper stance on abortion and the death penalty. It'd be hypocritical of me to think I could take someone's life but then fight against the death penalty huh? well I've never claimed to not be a hypocrite. Abortion.. nope, not that easy. If your body is a lease from God can we do some renovations? I suppose that'd be more along the lines of tattoos and piercings though. An abortion would be like throwing out the living room furniture because it didn't go with your new colour scheme. or something.
didn't I say I was ending this? the poker.. it calls to me. beckoning.. comeee, comeee to meee. Play with meee, use meeee... or it could be my guitar speaking. Why am I communicating with inanimate objects anyway? Maybe I should ignore them to teach them a lesson. Perhaps I should stop personifying them as well. Maybe this is one of the things that keeps me sane. And laughter. Laughing at myself especially. If laughter is the spice of life, call me Grenada.

Why can't I write about something that isn't politically related?

2007-11-01T04:53:00.000-04:00

oh right, elections are around the corner, that's right.

So the latest wave maker: polls! weee! everyone's favourite descriptive tool - STATISTICS! Thank goodness (dammit I cannot believe I am about to say this) I did those stats courses in university. I might be one of the poor, ignorant people who are mislead by statistics that promote a certain view of things. What effect this has on the population I cannot say.. mostly because I don't want to sit down and analyese it, otherwise I think I might be able to deduce the effect.. I didn't do 4 years of psych simply to be an event co-ordinator/decorator. Anyway, I digress; Statistics lie. They can be manipulated. 90% of people polled, in a population (country) say they like doubles and red solo. 10% say they like saheena and cream soda chubby, so doubles must be the winner right? but how many people did you really interview? what? 10? alone? so 9 ppl said they like doubles? where did you interview these people? outside Ali's (a doubles parlor)? ohhh okay.. so you see.. statistics are misleading. Unless there is complete transparency in the processes used to derive the final output and you have the intellect to understand those porcesses, accept anything you get with a healthy dose of salt.

Richie Kolounji.. or should I say Sizzla Spice? I have uncovered a secret demographic that politicians, esp in this year's election, are trying to appeal to: the ignorants. This demographic transcends race, ethnicity, gender, age, education (believe me, it does) and sexual orientation. This demographic consists of the people who listen to foreign superstars singing political jingles and are manipulated. These ignorants believe anything they're told, but especially when it comes from an international artiste. If Snoop Dogg came to Trinidad and said go shave your grandmother's heads these people would have a lot less inheritance money to collect when dear granny dies. These are the people who use campaigning and rallies as an excuse to party and get on like it's carnival. I got stuck in traffic a couple cars to the side of a PNM maxi and some guys streamed out and started dancing and carrying on in the streets. Yes, this will definitely help push our country into the next decade.

ok fack, I falling asleep on myself here, out!

EraClash

2007-11-01T04:45:00.000-04:00

the event management/promo company I work for decided, a few weeks ago, to try to put on weekly parties in a club called Nemo's. I've always loved throwing parties (albeit personal, private parties where I am the Dj) so i figured this would be my great opportunity to throw a REAL, public party. Organization went pretty smoothly minus the promotion ironically enough. A lot more could have been done to promote. We had neither the time nor the energy to immerse ourselves (it's only two of us really) into such an undertaking. We did the weekly promo in the main university(UWI) and that was it.

The tequilla was a funny story. We were having free tequilla shots all night so we thought we'd try to get it sponsored. We got four bottles. Four. Four 750ml bottles when one shot is 30ml. (math done, that's 25 shots/bottle and 100 shots total). After some quick calculating my boss and I realised.. hmm.. mayyybe we should try to organize some more. We eventually worked out a much better deal and ended up with quite a bit more (than four) bottles. The funny part is I came an hour and a half late (after going home post set up to get ready) and we were already two-three bottles down. So much for our lovely four bottles.

the party itself was great. I had a LOT of fun and it's the first time I got to party with my sister since I've become the bruk-out person. This was something I was actually looking forward to for a while as she's a bruk-out inspiration to me :P *blush*. The music was great, the atmosphere was great, the people were fun. Thanks to everyone who came out. We decided to make a few changes following our event re-cap though, so we're having the party every other week (twice a month) along with a few other minor changes. Perhaps we'll be doign $5 tequilla shots instead of free shots.. damn Sonja for drinking all our tequilla! (that was said with some hope that she'll be reading it).

so yea.. great party. I want to sleep. No funny shit there, jus me saying random crap about the party.

A little personal privacy please?

2007-10-27T07:15:00.000-04:00

These thoughts of mine might change when I'm actually a parent with children of my own. As for the time being though, they are what they are.

I think there should be some degree of privacy that exists between parents and their children (children from here on out refers to 14+). I think once you've raised your child properly, in an open household, without keeping secrets from them yourself, things should be okay to allow them a little bit of privacy in their lives if they want it. Of course no one is going to follow this and checks WILL be made, as discreetly as possible if need be, as to whether they are getting up to stuff that goes against your moral teachings. Please don't let them catch you in the act of checking up on them. It can really, really kill relations and any potential for better relations. It also stays with the child unless properly dealt with (which, let's face it, probably won't happen in today's and tomorrow's societies). If you keep secrets from your child don't expect them to be all fine and dandy with divulging everything to you. Especially when they can pretty accurately assume where you stand on certain things that they're doing. Perhaps they'd LIKE to talk to you about their thoughts on them using protection during sex but they know you'll probably just break down and cry if you found out they weren't your little angelic virgin anymore and totally overlook the fact that you're being safe and responsible.
or perhaps they'd like to tell you about that party when they got drunk and started chewing on people's clothes (I'd say this never happened to me, but then you'd think that the rest of the story has.. which I'm neither admitting to nor refuting) but know that you don't even think they like alcohol.

So I guess it actually depends on how you run your house. One secret kept by you and sniffed at by your child can become the groundwork for a closed-off child with secrets of their own. I am in no way advocating this. I am saying that if the child would like, and even if they are cool with being open, they should be given some privacy, if just a little. If the child WOULD like some privacy, I'd suggest trying to talk to them about the things you worry for them getting into.. drugs, sex, alcoholism, gangs, scientology, whatever.. and see where they stand. Yes they could be lying to you but you should not be naive enough to accept 'oh goosh mommy no! I doh do that! *averts eyes and quickly changes topic*' as a proper answer. And please don't nag at them, this will not end in any way that you hope it will. Unless you're hoping it will end badly. In which case you're unfit to parent anything and should be shot.

Sorry if this is all jumbled thoughts, I just woke up and I need to go back to sleep but had to get this out.

Criminally Insane

2007-10-27T01:26:00.000-04:00

I was having a talk with a fellow trini about her experiences with crime. She's been held up and robbed 4 times (so far), with a couple of them being pretty violent. She isn't the only person I know who has been the victim of such serious crime. I have known two young people, younger than I, who have been murdered brutally. I have a friend who was kidnapped and beaten, had his car stolen and used in a shooting and was left, tied up and half-naked in a cane field. I have had friends held up at knife point, gun point, rock point, big piece of iron point. Friends' cars robbed and broken into, stolen and vandalized.

I myself, though I seem to forget quite easily sometimes, have been the victim of crime as well, albeit not of such a up-close and personal nature as my unfortunate friends have been. I've had my beloved 626 stolen, but by the grace of God (and I do mean that literally) I got it back. I've had jewellery that I treasured dearly stolen from me. I've had my car broken into, though again, by the grace of God, the window that they broke in fell on top of my cd case and they didn't see it and stole instead my then-gf's things. That's about the extent of my dealings with crime.

Now, I KNOW that in these times I am extremely, extremely fortunate not to have been the victim of violent or 'personal' crime. I'm also aware that I ain't dead yet, so I have some time left in which this could happen. However, I don't only attribute my fortune to a higher being alone. I'd also like to believe that the way I am - my behaviour, my habits, my thinking - has kept me out of situations such as these. It was this train of thought that led to me wanting to pinpoint what exactly I do, on a daily basis, that keeps me out of that much danger;

for one, I haven't traveled since I was 17. Yes, I know there are many, many, maannnyy people who are not as lucky and privileged as I to have their own car or to be able to get a private drop to and from. I'm just saying.. this has greatly helped keep me away from crime as I haven't been exposed to the general public, even when I'm going to town/arima/couva/chaguanas/st. augustine etc.

driving in traffic: while driving all my friends know I generally dislike using the a/c (to save gas), so my windows are always down. However at every light I always turn up all the windows and switch the a/c on (if need be) for those few mins I'm at a stand still. Also in traffic, depending on the rate of traffic I'll do the same. Especially on places like the Beetham, El Socorro, Aranguez etc.

if I'm going through a drivethru (kfc) I put my window back up when I'm done ordering. I also try not to text or use my phone while I'm in the line.

When walking through a car park I have my keys in my hand before I reach my car. Perhaps this is a mistake but my thinking is this: I can trigger my alarm if I need to create either a distraction or to draw attention to myself. I can also, if the situation arises, use the metal end of the key as a weapon at (very) close range. Having the key in my hand while I'm walking also saves time digging in my pocket for it when I finally do get to my car.

While walking through a car park, if I am alone I also try not to use my phone, especially to text (as hard as this is to believe) as again, it 1) draws attention to you and 2) distracts you from your surroundings. I try to be aware of my surroundings at all times, especially in car parks and similar areas.

If I'm walking down a street texting is again a no-no unless it's a familiar street (residential areas apply only.. so this is basically valsayn) and awareness is at a max. This goes for when I'm walking anywhere at all actually. I occasionally glance behind me or look down to check for any shadows that may be following me. I also try to keep an ear out for any suspicious sounds such as someone running, trying to keep in time with me and the like.

This should be obvious to everyone but I'll include it anyway. I try to stay out of known dangerous areas. Morvant, Lavantille, East Belmont, certain areas of St. Augustine etc I have little to no knowledge of. I like my car bullet-hole free. When my 626 was stolen, it was actually parked up the hill from a seedy area.

When driving home late at night, I am supposed to take a different route every once in a while but I generally don't cus I'm pretty tired after liming. I always watch behind me to see if I'm being followed though. No matter how sleepy I am I always do this. When I get to my gate, which is remote controlled (compound) I click the remote from as far away as I can and then I am always watching around for cars and people.

When I get to my door, which is on the side of the building, with the back and the side of the compound right there, I peep my head around the corner to scope out the surrounding area. Even when there isn't anyone there, I always open my door quickly and engage the lock before the door is even closed, in case I am rushed and have to slam the door quickly.

When I go to fetes, I wear jeans that have special secret pockets sewn into the seam of the legs. (I buy the jeans like this) so I put my money there and have my ID and bank card in my wallet if I need to have the wallet. In crowds, I also occasionally pat my back pocket to make sure my wallet is there. Not too much though, otherwise I run the risk of drawing attention to where my wallet pocket is. I generally try to check when my back is being blocked by someone whom I think I can trust. If the crowd is especially thick, such as Woodford Tuesdays sometimes, I put my wallet in my front pocket. I also try, though unsuccessfully sometimes, to be as quick as possible when putting change back into my wallet. If i know I can't be quick I'll just put the change into my pocket.

I don't wear jewellery. At all. Not even a watch. (though the lack of a watch is more due to the band bursting than anything else.) I DO have jewellery, but I don't like the attention it can bring, so i save it for special occasions (when I don't think I'll be highly at risk to be robbed) I also don't dress flashy, with the latest designer shoes and shirts/pants etc. I look good without having to scream 'this man's got money!' (which I wish I actually did)

and lastly(because sleep taking meh and ah cah remember anymore right now) I am paranoid. I don't think it's to an unhealthy extent, but it keeps me wary and alert. I play out different scenarios of how a crime could play off in my surroundings and try to figure out ways to effectively deal with it. I figure I haven't been seriously involved in a crime yet, so it must be coming sometime.. I'd just like to either be able to avoid it if it does try to happen or be able to deal with it properly if it does happen.

i tellin allyuh now tho, if a man try to fuck with me and all he have is a knife I gettin stab, cus I not losing my shit when he doh even have enough connections to get a gun, sorry. I will take meh stab but I making sure to slit his throat with his own knife.

or I'll just be my usual calm, collected self and talk to him, try to make a joke or two and be helpful and accommodating. Would you like some tea or coffee with my money, sir?

Don't you just love single-minded political party die-hards?

2007-10-27T01:16:00.000-04:00

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=20244825352&ref=nf

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1509915&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=20244825352&aid=-1&id=648415433&oid=20244825352

I've realised that nothing turns me off a girl quicker than seeing she's a sheep for a political party, even the one I may be supporting (if there is a time when that happens)

Things that annoy me

2007-10-26T21:15:00.001-04:00

because it had to come..

Politcal party die-hards and the mis-guided youth who view it either as a fad or something they MUST support. Related to this: die-heard supporters who only know what they're told and those who quote facts and figures and put downs without doing much of their own research.

Someone calling someone else's name repeatedly for a considerable (use your intelligence) amount of time. E.g. My dad calling my sister over and over for 2 mins without actually getting up to see where she was, i.e. to see if walking around might then put her within earshot.

Being set up inconsiderately. I don't mind being 'set-up' because your mom is sick or you have something important. But when I show up at whatever location, expecting you to be there, then call you to find out you actually just left to go home, when it was communicated clearly that I was coming to meet you, I get pretty annoyed.

People who smell when they have no reason to

Prima donnas

People with more attitude than I have.

People who talk and all you can think to yourself is that they're acting this way on purpose i.e. to come across as 'cool' or 'funny' or 'hyper' or 'badass' etc

Sheep mentality and behaviour.. along the lines of fashion, fads, trends and general thinking without questioning.

Converse sneakers and apparel: really, what is the big f'in deal?

Football teams that knock around the ball in their own half when they're ahead and it's the 85th minute

Football teams who lack any sense of style and flair i.e. most english teams (except liverpool, who don't even have that much anyway)

Basketball sneakers

Pseudo hip-hop culture

Having someone/people push me to do something that I pretty much don't want to do (and I mean this in a social sense, not in any really important way such as education or making something of myself)

Much of the local rock community and related persons

Tribute bands

'emo' music and culture

Kanye West

People who try to oppose their ideals and thinking on everyone else

the Catholic church

any horror made after 1998

the French football team (though they're one of my favourites)

the Portugese football team (likewise)

my procrastination

my procrastination (yes, I meant to repeat myself)

when i run out of clean clothes/blank cds/ juice/ snacks

the period after checking facebook and islandnoise when nothing new happens and I then have nothing to do with my pc time (which is any time I am home really)

getting psyched up to see a movie and then it being total shit

most, if not all, of recent rap music

people who are uneducated on whatever topic who have no reason to be so

people who don't even know there's a rift between the TTFA and our national football team.

the TTFA.

and because this is getting so long I'll finish up with one of the most annoying things to me..

people who mis-use 'you're' and 'your'

p.s. your all.. shit, i'll finish this later; gonna go listen to that new Kanye West tribute band.

I stand, sadly corrected.

2007-10-26T05:32:00.001-04:00

just wanted to put this in quick, quick. It's a response I made to a friend's facebook note 'http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=5513343549&ref=mf' which can also be found on her lovely blog 'http://tahitian-sky.blogspot.com/2007/10/new-generation.html'

"the report on how my brethren and sistren are responding to the political parties is saddening news to me.

I was in UWI today and outside rituals was a mess of people. One half wearing the orange of UNC and the other the white of COP. And yet they were all getting along and laughing and drinking and knocking cards together. Funny what can bring people together.
it just seemed to me like this was just another fad, another trend.. the IN thing to be doing at this point in time. I voting COP cus they cool and new and fresh. Winston Dookeran who?

and then there's the traditional:
"well my pops an dem always votin UNC and thaz how I raised so that's what I will be doing too!"
"wha? NOT vote PNM? you want my mudda to kill me or what?"

I always try to give people so much benefit of the doubt but I can't make excuses for the shit that I've been seeing. COP and UNC would do so well if even half of these jersey wearers were to actually vote (which I have my doubts on). But then again, perhaps staining yuh index finger red on November 5th will be the next IN thing. If only COP and UNC were that lucky. I suppose it's another cool thing to be fed up of Patrick Manning and his shit.. although if it weren't for Patos the rituals crew would have been too busy trying to figure out how to pay for their tertiary education instead of what size COP jersey fits them best.. because the large feels quite comfortable but the medium is form-fitting.

it's sad really.

Join the revolution indeed.

-thanks to Azaria for showing me I wasn't alone in my thinking and also for giving me a little more understanding of what is really going on in UWI.

More elections crap

2007-10-25T03:55:00.000-04:00

sorry, but it seems everywhere I turn or listen there's something else that annoys me. Today something actually disgusted me to the point where I almost turned off the radio completely. That thing was the UNC's latest jingle - a remix of the Richie Spice hit 'World is a Cycle', which includes the lyrics 'UNC do right do right do right.. Jack Warner do good do good do good..' it actually made me appreciate Orange Sky and Nigel's jingle etc.

At least Sky knows about the political situation in the country and want a change for their fellowmen! At least Nigel is concerned about his country and is informed. Who the hell is Richie Spice to Trinidad and Tobago?! I cannot BELIEVE that the UNC would do that. And then up next is the PNM with sizzla?! WHATTHEMUDDAC**T!?!? they're taking two of the best reggae/conscious artistes and using them to appeal to the 18-25 age group of voters! This is beyond me. I was utterly disgusted by both hearing the UNC song and by the news of Sizzla and the PNM.

Let's just throw facts and issues out the window. The youths don't care about that. They want to party and have fun, so let's use conscious artistes from a totally different country who know nothing about our politics instead! yeaaa! that's a good idea! I have yet to hear what my fellow 18-25yr olds think about this turn of events but the ones I do know are more informed of the facts and political climate than the UNC and PNM apparently think they are. The ones I do know will look past this completely obvious ploy and see the real truths that exist.

it's just.. wow.. I think that was a new standard of unbelievable there. It's one thing to use local artistes to do your stuff but to use foreigners!? What next? Junior Gong for COP? Beres Hammond promote unity with the UNC? Justin Timberlake bringing sexy PNM back!? it's just fucking ridiculous and sickening and I hope it will ultimately be pointless and costly to these parties.

Elecrionsengineering

2007-10-24T00:24:00.000-04:00

Just a little bit to add on to the previous elections post.

Another thing I hate about how elections is run in my beloved country of Trinidad and Tobago: each constituency has its own assortment of party representatives running against each other. People in each constituency, e.g. Chaguanas East, are SUPPOSED to vote for the representative whom they think best supports them and their issues. Therefore they aren't actually voting for who they want to win the total election but rather who they want working in their area.

Now I'm not knocking this at all, especially in rural and poorly attended to areas where a lot of work is needed. You have to be look out for yourselves in this situation. However, the possibility arises of your constituent being a good person but the party head (the now Prime Minister) is a fucking corrupted crook.
OR
where you doh care about who your constituent is and you vote for the party you want to win elections. Which can result in the party head of your choice becoming Prime Minister but you end up getting stuck with a corrupt constituent that likes to fondle little boys and doesn't care one shit about the issues of the area (which, albeit a little enhanced, is generally what might happen in this country)

I wish we could just vote for the people who have shown or show the capacity to handle our issues in an efficient, compassionate manner, regardless of constituent or party head. Of course this will never happen. There's theoretical democracy and real world democracy; two drastically differing versions.

"Join the revolution, VOTE FOR COP" - what revolution might this be? cus I'm seeing the same thing happening that's happened time and time before, apart from the same old two parties.

UNC Alliance! stop dividing votes! - why? as free people we have the right to vote for who we choose. The UNC and many of their supporters like to think and would willingly let you know, that they are about unity and strength in numbers. This is bullshit. the UNC-A is a joke. They are trying to pass off anxiety and desperation as an effort for unity. If you were actually handling yuh business, yuh wouldn't need to form any alliance.

PNM - what can I say that hasn't been said many times already? nothing. But still.. a weak man has tasted too potent a power and it has warped his mind and thinking. When you look at Mr. Manning's actions through this perspective a lot of things come to make sense. He can't help it.. and we've been hearing so much that mental illness is increasingly becoming a big problem in this country.

so am I voting? no. But not for a lack of wanting to, I just don't have things in place to be eligible. If I were voting, who would I vote for? no one, I'd smear the ballot, I just like how my finger looks in red.

The little(big) things that I enjoy

2007-10-23T09:35:00.000-04:00

In def. no particular order, I give you:

People who I know to be in long-term relationships not having their status as 'engaged' or 'married' on facebook.

Having gas in my tank

clean clothes (recently washed)

maintaining friendships with people when I don't feel like the onus is on me to maintain them.

hearing the song that I'm feeling to listen to at that same moment.

actually getting the song I have stuck in my head so I can hear it for real.

cookies in the red box stored in the fridge.

those rare moments of peace and simplicity.

having an assortment of nice shirts to wear.

knowing that I'm looking good.

knowing that the people whose opinions matter to me think that I look good.

playing football.

finding time to practice my drumming/guitar playing (which sadly I haven't in a good while)

winning big in poker.

liming with friends without any bullshit present under the surface (can't remember the last time this has happened)

meeting new people whose company I enjoy and vice versa

sleeping with the knowledge that I don't have to wake up early the next day.

no traffic on the road.

getting through with what I have to relatively quickly and without stress.

Bake and Buljol on sunday mornings.

planning things and actually having them work out nicely.

murphy's law avoiding me.

throwing parties.

losing myself in music. (especially Jazz)

applying psychology to life.

writing music.

getting the things I want out of life.

writing.

getting new music, especially good music which I've never heard.

spending any amount of time with certain people.

driving.

being driven.

reading good books.

european films, apparently.

not owing any debts.

women. (hahaha ouuuu)

Her touch
Her feel
Her cotton
Her fabric of my life.

Elections time again

2007-10-19T01:36:00.000-04:00

this should be interesting. I'm really anticipating this year's elections on November 5th. Not because I'm gung-ho for the democratic process or because I'm fully in support for a particular party but rather I'm really anxious as to who will win.

There's the PNM who is currently in power and whose leader the (dis)Honorable Patrick Manning is threating to turn my beloved T&T into a dictatorshit, then there's the UNC with former Prime Minister Basdeo Panday, whose right hand man Jack take-as-much-as-I-can-from-who-I-can Warner is in a very real position to become the next PM, then there's the Winston Dookeran-led COP.

Now if I were voting (i'd like to but I have no national ID) it'd be for COP. I openly say this. Why? because I am fucking packing up my shit, jumping on the first flight I can get to anywheresville and starting a new life if Jack Warner and the UNC wins. I also don't want another 5 years of Mr. Manning and Ms. Breakfastses. However, I'm not so sure that Winston Dookeran has what it takes to run a country. I'm willing to live with his learning mistakes though, rather than under Jackie or Pattie's rules.

this being said, I'm not an avid followerd of politics in this country. I know what I know and from what I care to read in the (biased) papers. I know enough of the individuals themselves and how the operate however (minus Dookeran) to know whether they'd bring a positive change or a negative change to this country. I tellin allyuh from now tho, if Mr. Warner becomes PM I getting myself a high-powered rifle and learning to sharpshoot, cus I really doh want to migrate.

p.s. my real views on Orange Sky and them being the UNC: whatever yes, is their lives and fire to catch. I just hate the fact they working with and supporting jack warner. Other than this.. do whatever allyuh want boys, make that papes, move that hustle, do what yuh have to do LIVE YOUR LIFFFFEEE (lmao!)

Working not-so-Stiff

2007-10-19T01:23:00.000-04:00

so I've gotten a job. La-di-da. That's the reason I haven't updated here in a while (apologies to those who actually bother to check this blog). I'm now employed by an event planning and management company called A&A Productions. There's also another related company called A&A Entertainment. Correctly speaking I work for the guy who owns these companies (cus there's also an advertising company as well) and hence I work for all these companies. I'm basically his right hand man. Three years and a Special in Psychology for this.. you never know where life takes you.

Now I don't consider this in any way a long-term job. I'm doing it for the short-medium term and the guy is a friend and needs the help so I'm there for him. I'm actually enjoying it though. The job is REALLY flexible and I have so much more freedom than I would with any other job. I can wear jeans to work if I want, sleep on a couch in the office, get to work late (though I feel badly when I do and try not to) and I get to go to bars, lounges, clubs, social gatherings etc to do site visits, quotes, decor set-ups and promotions. Went back to UWI today to promote a party we have coming up.. was pretty cool.

It's not paying as much as I'd like, and my mom is definitely a little dissatisfied with the pay as well, but I weigh the pay along with the freedoms I have when I'm comparing to other jobs. I mean I have a phone bill to pay, along with various other expenses, but they're all pretty much minor. I not mining no child, I doh have insurance or the like to pay, so I'm pretty much cool. Net and phone bill and that's about it, so the pay isn't SO bad. It's also turning out to be a gateway to other professions that I enjoy, such as journalism, editing, graphic design and radio work (I might actually get my own radio show, along with Ethan, the owner of the company.. more on that later if I actually get it)

so yea, the job is cool. Don't have much else to say about it right now so I'll tune out there.. apologies for the slipping into and out of trini dialect.

You, Me and everyone else NOT in the relationship.

2007-10-19T01:14:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer(of sorts): I definitely have my more than fair share of bullshit when it comes to relationships. Make no mistake, I know I am no saint and am far from the perfect current or ex-boyfriend. Thus I write this as a fellow mistake-maker and person with many faults, however I write about what irritates me and this is one of those things.

It's one thing to argue with me about the faults you find in me and what you think I'm stupid for or the dumb things I do. It's another thing, however, to say 'everyone' or 'no-one' instead of saying 'I' when you're addressing me. Confused? e.g. "that's why everyone has a problem with confronting you" or "that's why no one can talk to you!" instead of "that's why I have a problem with confronting you" or "that's why I can't talk to you".

Now, if the person saying this shit to me did not know quite a few (most, if not all) of my close friends this wouldn't bother me in the least. I'd just think "rigght, now you can go to hell for being stupid" but as this person DOES know my friends, I'm always left wondering "so who exactly can't deal with me?" or "so do ALL my friends have this problem with me? why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" (apart from me being unconfrontational). My ex constantly did this. Every single argument without fail, this girl would say those all-encompassing words. The subsequent irritation I would experience did nothing to help any feeling of compassion or civility in the situation. Instead it'd just lead to me getting angry and annoyed and wanting very badly to hang up the phone.

I asked some other people what they think about this and how they'd feel in my situation. They all said the same thing: they'd feel that other people, who had no place in the conversation, were being brought into it. The argument was between her and I, not her, I and all of my friends.

so yea.. just wanted to say that.. it's really annoying when people do that and if someone does that to I'd advise you to kick them in the face the very next chance you get.

Your and You're (completed)

2007-10-02T01:17:00.000-04:00

what the hell is up with this!? REALLY!? it's one thing to see Americans using this cus they can't spell for shit, but when I see my fellow english (and I mean that in the geographic sense) speaking countrypersons (being politically correct there) using this it annoys me to no end!

YOU'RE and YOUR.. they DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING!! ok people?
You're means YOU ARE
YOUR is used to indicate ownership. i.e. YOUR bicycle was stolen.
saying 'your gonna get your ass kicked' makes NO SENSE! what that means literally is that the 'gonna' belongs to you. See the nonsense!? and every day I see someone else using this shit.

I blame Americans. They spell so many words incorrectly just for the sake of ease and speed. THEY LAZY!! you mean to tell me you have to spell NIGHT like NITE just cus you doh feel to add one more letter? or is it that you have something against g's and h's?

and now Trinis doing it regularly.. I saw a billboard with Nite on it when I was younger, now I see soooo many people using 'your' incorrectly. Geeze people, our education standard at lower levels supposed to be better than the U.S. don't embarass yourself and your country! your primary school teachers worked hard to instill proper grammar skills and rules in you, don't waste it because of american culture saturation!! turn off the cable and go pick up the Republic Reader series!!

so for the last time (here), DAMMIT MAN STOP USING THE F'IN WORD INCORRECTLY!

I am Hank Moody..

2007-10-02T01:12:00.000-04:00

you know, minus the having sex, having sex almost indiscriminately (cus he only picks up hot chicks), the drugs, the daughter and the porsche (though that last one I wish I did have).

Since I started looking at the show (Californiation - shows on Showtime on Sundays) I've observed so many parallels between Mr. Moody and myself, yet I always thought they just crafted his character to be identifiable with a lot of people; it was coincidence based on strategic character development.

but then my best friend told me he thinks I am too, without me saying anything at all, so I figure there must be some truth. If only this were a good thing. I wish I could write like the writers who create Hank's dialogue though.. them's some skilleded ppls.

Toiletiquette

2007-09-30T05:05:00.000-04:00

Fact: we all use the toilet. We all do generally the same things on the toilet, albeit through different means sometimes. However I've noticed, through the use of toilets in different friends' homes, that many people can be a little inconsiderate towards the opposite sex when it comes to toilet setting.

Not like it's something that needs to be done, it's just annoying sometimes when I see certain things happen. Thus I come to the point of this post - both sexes can treat the toilet very differently and most times in total disregard to the opposite sex.

the classic male pissing on the seat because they don't want to lift it is well known by now. However women are not the only victims of this act. I'm tired of going to 'drain the snake' in a public toilet only to end up standing in the piss which covers the floor around the base of the toilet. I didn't pay $300 for my Umbros to be soaked in piss, sorry. Try to aim PLEASE! If you're drunk then try NOT to aim and you should end up point blank in the middle of the bowl.

what really inspired this post though, is the following situation that happens in every household dominated by females: the thick toilet covering. Now girls, ladies, women: I know you love to make things pretty, including the toilet. I also understand that you probably have never given much thought to the physics and dynamics surrounding a lifted seat and a thick toilet cover. Hence I hope many ladies read this and learn something: When you cover a toilet with a thick cover the toilet seat cannot be properly lifted against the back. Thus any person equipped with external genitalia faces the annnnnnoying task of holding said genitalia (to aim into the bowl so as not to piss on the toilet, no less) while trying to hold the toilet seat from falling onto said genitalia.

This may sound funny to some but let me tell you.. it's not funny in the least. Men are subjected to an experience of trying to hold their 'littler selves' and their pants with the same hand while trying to hold the seat up (because, if you can't figure it out by now, the thick seat covering pushes the seat off-balance). This especially applies when the men wear underwear that don't have flaps in front for easier access. (fuck you calvin kline and jockey sport, you're no friends of mine)

So ladies, please.. under normal circumstances of course it's cool to have those lovely, soft, thick seat coverings. However, when your male friends are over, please show some consideration and take the covers off or replace them with thinner covers. Or at least do it when I'm over.. cus I have enough consideration not to piss in your sink.

and guys.. when using a female's toilet please remember to put the seat back down when you're finished. For some reason girls find the process of flipping the seat down to be almost too much to bear. I guess they're afraid of breaking a nail or something.. so spare yourself the inevitable bitching that accompanies the having to put the seat down and do it yourselves. I mean you're already the stronger sex so you might as well do it. heh.

Kanye West rant

2007-09-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

who the fuck does he think he is really? the saviour of hip-hop? oh no, wait wait, maybe he thinks he's some sort of prodigy. whatever it is, he's so fucking full of himself. That whiny little self-pitying bitch. Come on Kanye, go pat yourself on the back cus you outsold 50 Cent. I guess it just goes to show how many uneven coffee tables there are in the United States.

piece of 'Stronger' that pisses me off:

'I ask, cause I'm not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts go ape shit'

I can't believe this man has the audacity to sing about people not making 'real shit' anymore when the very track he's rapping on ISN'T HIS OWN! what? are we supposed to forget it's Daft Punk that's making the song good? are we supposed to hear the mind-numbingly crappy lyrics you try to throw at us and somehow think 'wow.. this is good stuff! please say more.' ?!

I will bow in the presence of greatness. Now if you'd just point me in the direction of said greatness I'll get to bowing. Great big piles of shit being passed off as rap lyrics don't count btw.

YOU should be honoured, Kanye, that I'm letting you affect me this much. I guess I really don't have tolerance for ignorant, shitty artists with no ounce of real talent. Maybe if you had your jaw wired tighter you'd sound half as retarded as your lyrics are.

The only fake shit here is your popularity. How did you really outsell 50Cent? ok that's a dumb question, those white, racist 9 yr old country singer girls could outsell 50Cent.. hell, a 60yr old jewish woman, half-paralyzed from excessive strokes' recorded mumblings about diapers and bedpans could outsell 50Cent. The real question is how many times did he have to say 'I'll suck yo cock man' to get people to buy his album. You don't need physical therapy on that jaw anymore you attention seeking pussy.

"Act like you can't tell who made this". no Kanye, it's extremely evident who made this. I can't remember the last time I heard such a supposedly well-played rapper write such shitty lyrics. Oh wait, yes I can *50 Cent plays in background.. of a passing car and obviously not on my PC*

'excuse me, is you saying something?' - yes I am, the truth. Kanye West might as well live in a pineapple under the sea, cus he's a fucking sponge. Go use someone else's music to make yourself popular you ass.

maybe if you weren't a college dropout you'd have the intelligence of.. say a 10 yr old. I have no doubt this would raise your lyrical skill to a much higher level. That of epileptic tourettes patients yelling about what they see going on outside their hospital windows.

*sigh* I miss Biggie.

Traffic blockin

2007-09-28T09:46:00.000-04:00

Am I the only person who is both fascinated and repulsed by traffic? I know most people are repulsed, but is anyone as fascinated as I about the phenomenon?

and what is it exactly about traffic that clicks with me? is it the connectivity between it all? with the actions at the start of an extremely long line of traffic affecting people all the way at the back? is it for traffic is formed? whether it's rush hour, because of something blocking the road or macocious trinis slowing down to maco an accident on THE OTHER SIDE of the road? or is it the sheer volume of traffic that occurs every day on our roads.

Perhaps it's all of these combined.

but you know what? I could get over it, so fuck traffic!! two hours to get from Port of Spain to Valsayn?! what kinda shit is that!? I thought the Lady Young supposed to be quicker than Beetham?! traffic stretched the entire length of the Lady Young.. what madness is that!? people keep trying to come up with solutions but they missing the point. Too many cars on the road! I'll be the first to give up my car. Just invent some machine that can instantly transport me to anywhere I need to go and I will set the example of putting my car to rest. That's not so difficult is it? scientists can splice genes and make square watermelons.. why don't they focus on trying to get me to my destination sans traffic?

thank gorm for mp3 player car stereos.
and Muse.

Some truths, courtesy observations I've made

2007-09-26T23:45:00.000-04:00

Most guys can't have a close female friend without at the very least being attracted to them. Case in point, I only have one.. yet I have a lot of female friends.

Related to this.. guys play the patience game. A lot. Girls: know that 'best (male) friend' you have? he likes you. You have a bf and the best friend has never made a move on you? really? oh that's nice.. he's just being patient. Guys in these situations have an amazing capacity for patience that they will never show in any other aspect of their lives. If anything does ever happen between you two, you may end up thinking it was your doing. Trust me.. it wasn't. He's been preparing for this. Also, if you don't want anything more than some fun, be up front with this information; he's had his heart set on a relationship. For a long time. This inevitably leads to heartache for him once you don't want a relationship. but small thing, all that in the game.

Girls think about sex a lot. Maybe more than a lot of guys do *WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY!?* they won't admit it, but it's true.

Girls talk about your penis size. And if you're good in bed. And any other detail your own best friend doesn't know about you. Not all girls mind you, but most.

Kanye West is a whiny-ass bitch who wouldn't know an original beat if it blew his ear drums. (nothing to do with anything else, but it's still a truth I've observed)

At the start of relationships, say the first three months AT LEAST, neither person is who they really are. It's all a front. Wait until people actually start getting comfortable with each other and the real self comes out. Again, not a generalization, but for most people it happens.

Girls put their loss of virginity on as high a pedestal as many guys put 'the pussy'. Contrastly, most guys are nonchalant about their first times and treat it as just a (hopefully) fond memory. Most girls try as hard as possible to hold on to the guy who took their virginity. Too bad most guys who do this turn out to be assholes.

Guys don't have as much respect for women who always make them buy their drinks as they do women who buy their own. Guess who else makes you buy them drinks? strippers.

asshole guys have/get hot girls. this leads me to believe that women like being treated like shit. disagree with me? stop dating assholes.

many beautiful girls are really insecure and extremely shy. On the other hand, many beautiful girls know they're beautiful and use it to their advantage as much as they can and can be bitchy.

Goodlooking girls also have a hard time finding meaningful relationships because they're worried that every guy is only trying to sleep with them. Which is true because the nice guys who these women would like to be with are too intimidate by their beauty to approach them. Thus they are only picked up by cocky, self-assured assholes who only view them as sex objects.

if a guy is goodlooking, many girls he's interested in will assume he's only into them for sex. Especially with 'red' guys whom everyone assumes are players.

that's it for now, more to come when I can think of it

A laugh a day..

2007-09-25T01:49:00.000-04:00

"No matter what you're going through, someone has been through it before, or at least something like it" - in most situations in life, this is as true a saying as you can get. This is the main reason why so many R&B/slow/mellow/whatever song lyrics tend to *click* during different experiences in our lives.

just thought I'd throw that out there.

I've also known for some time that the key to staying sane in life is to realize that God (if you believe in Him) has quite a sense of humour and it'd be best if you had one too. I attribute my ability to dodge so many openings for nervous breakdown or just anxiety attacks to my sense of humour(which includes self-deprecating quips). I surely would not be the man I am today, in the mental state I am without this.

Thank you sense of humour, for getting me through all my rough times, all my weird times and all the times in between. You've been like a best friend to me.. a best friend I can take with me anywhere I go and one who shares a telepathic connection (because only crazy people talk to themselves right?). I don't know what I'd do without you, but I know I'd be a much lesser man (and probably living in a mental institution).

Gun Session

2007-09-23T05:03:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about getting a gun. Not over the past 48 hours but for a while now.
Really, I've been playing with the idea off and on since I was 18; really just about what it might be like to have one. Boyhood fantasies aside, it was some serious contemplation taking place.
In recent times I've thought a lot more about going to the firing range and actually learning to shoot. I've also been thinking quite a lot more about actually owning a gun and what that might mean.

It's in my thoughts so much now I'm actually having dreams about and involving guns as a main point of the dream.

I used to believe I was responsible enough to own one. At least to not wave it about the place, showing off as if my dick suddenly grew and gained the ability to detach itself. And not to brag, threaten or otherwise indicate that I had a gun on my person or nearby. I'm still of this mindset, but after the Zen incident the other week I realized 'hmm.. maybe it's a good thing I don't own a gun' as I'm pretty sure I'd have gone back and shot a bouncer square in the chest. This is the more important responsibility to have with gun ownership so it looks like I'll have to think some more about that part.

Jamaica also did nothing to deter me from wanting to procure a firearm. That stereotype about all Jamaicans having guns etc isn't much far from the truth. But then look at how much violence there is and the violent aspect of their culture, so hmm.. coincidence? perhaps not. Still, I am left with the desire to own one. Or at the very least be able to handle one properly if I were faced with the possibility. Two very different things, I know.

Funny thing is, I've never been the victim of a confrontational crime. Sure, I know a few others who have, some being close family even, yet I have remained, for all my 4am driving about and liming, free of any similar situations. So it's not like my desire to own a gun has come from some traumatic experience induced paranoia. (though the ever-present threat of crime is a definite reason). I'm also of the mindset that a GUN inherently is NOT a means of defense. It's an offensive device. Anyone who says they bought a gun to protect themselves is filling you and themselves with shit. Guns are made to shoot and to kill. They don't block bullets, they fire them. As such, the saying that having a gun is an excuse to get shot is also true. At least to my belief. So it's really just that anger thing I should work on with the responsibility aspect of things.
like it's a small thing eh? hmm.

obviously more thought is needed.. in the meantime though I intend to at least join the firearm institute and go shoot a few rounds, see how it feels, see how I feel. See if I'm only accurate in arcade shooting and not in real life. Should be an interesting experience.

N.B. While it's pretty simple to go learn to shoot (you just have to be over 21 and have an ID etc) actually obtaining the license for a firearm is EXTREMELY difficult to do (legally). And since the only way I'm going to get a gun is if I have the license for it (because, although I can get an illegal gun, I won't ever) the chances of me, a non-business owner who is under 25, getting one is extremely narrow.

The Internet vs. The Possibility of the Internet

2007-09-19T02:41:00.001-04:00

No, I haven't abandoned my newly acquired blog. I've been without the net for a few days now (has it REALLY been a few days? or has it merely been a day and a half/two days tops?) and had to borrow a friend's laptop this afternoon before I went crazy and started thinking about cannibalism as a fun and exciting way to pass the time I would otherwise spend hooked up to the world wide web.

Funny thing happened once I was actually online though. (I desist from making a joke here)
I spent about an hour max on the laptop doing the usuals (facebook, islandnoise, facebook, youtube, facebook, facebook, islandnoise, email, facebook) and I realized.. minus the backing up of facebook notifications in my email and those dumb applications people insist on sending me (note: not all are dumb. big up to my vampire/jedi brethren!) (joking.. I pledge allegiance to no side.) I had nothing else to really DO. No work to research, couldn't download anything (which I don't do anymore: buy original cds kids! don't be a pirate. *poses for photo-op with Lars Ulrich*), nothing 'so-cool-you-really-need-to-see-this-immediately!' to see immediately and I'm not much of a porn guy (actually not joking. *loses cred with my 'blues' brothers*). You see my situation?

I thought to myself: THIS is what I missed!? not even a FULL hour spent engrossed in whatever sat before me on the whatever x whatever screen!? (i'm not good with laptop screen dimensions.. it was a Sony Vaio - you do the math).

I pondered this for a bit (because I now had nothing ELSE to do) then came to the conclusion that I didn't actually miss THE INTERNET as much as I missed the POSSIBILITY of the internet. Yes, I did miss the interconnectivity and macociousness of facebook and the random comess and once-in-a-while good thread on islandnoise, but I more missed the possibility that at a moment's notice I could just plop down on my worn out office chair (the thing has seen more ass than Ron Jeremy and Mystery the Pick Up Artist combined.. ok maybe just Ron Jeremy), click on that loveable, little orange firefox logo and become connected.

It wasn't just about the present circumstances. It was about the non-availability of the internet to be at my disposal whenever I wanted. Granted there are far, far better things being done on the net than I have ever and probably will ever do (don't mark my words though), but come on.. there are far, far lesser things being done than I do (don't ask me what though.. www.parishilton.com perhaps?).

Thus, it was the potential for interconnectivity that I was missing; Humans are social beings (don't tell this to my ex-wife though) and with our increasing addiction(obsession?) with all things tech-y and internet-related our need for social interaction grows and grows. (spirals out of control?) What I craved therefore, while sitting in my chair, shifting to the side just a bit so the piece of metal, which the seat padding has been worn down to, wouldn't take my ass-virginity before prison does, trying to find SOMETHING to do on the PC, was the possibility that I could become part of this connectivity at my heart's desire.

It was this knowledge, that I, in fact, could NOT become as such connected that was driving me onwards on my aforementioned quest for something to fill that time. Which, I figure, was really just something to remove that knowledge of my incapability for immediate worldwide connectivity, or something to otherwise occupy my mind. I wanted a new drug, if you will. One that wouldn't let me quit. Or that wouldn't quit on me, exposing me once more to the harsh reality of my isolation from the rest of the world.

but now my net is back, so I'm happy again. yay!

A (Trini) Rock Show: broken down into individual components.

2007-09-16T03:28:00.000-04:00

Now, it's obvious that not all shows are the same and are not brought about by the same methods. However, from what I've seen, many shows have quite a few things in common. There are also various points of view of the same show. The following is a relation of these different points of view, coming from the different groups involved in making a show come together. This is all based on personal experience, which is limited. As such some groups may be left out. I apologise, but maybe you should have been around me more.

THE PROMOTER: In my experience there've been different motives for having a rock show. Some of these will be covered.

The Novice/Naive Promoter "Man, I real wanna have a show dred. Long time I eh see some good bands play and no one doing anything so I might as well!" *proceeds to try to throw show, not realising the work it requires and maybe having an unsuccessful show because of lack of proper planning and promoting*

The Greedy Promoter "Eh, I seeing all these big rock shows makin a lil money off ppl head an thing. I wonder if I could jump in and make some money too" *proceeds to throw high priced show, with the bands the promoter thinks will pull a crowd. Doesn't pay bands as much as they should or tries to find a way around paying the bands a lot of money. May also advertise 'free drinks' or 'drink specials' only for patrons to show up and realise 'free drinks means free water and SOFT drinks'* (this also works for the promoter who owns their own sportsbar/club/etc)

The Popularity-Hound Promoter "Dred, throwing shows is so cool and kickass! I'm gonna throw one so people can know who I am and know I know bands" *in trying to organize the show this promoter tries hard to 'buddy-up' with bands,managers, other promoters and anyone else they view as 'INfluential'. Show may buss due to similar circumstances that the Novice faced*

The Supporter-Promoter Promoter "WE NEED TO PUSH LOCAL ROCK MAN!!! IT NEEDS TO GET OUT THERE!! THE PEOPLE NEEEEED TO HEAR IT!" *throws a show that could very well be successful but then quickly throws another show that flops. and another. and another. all the while sacrificing planning and proper, logical organization and promotion in order to 'get the bands out there'*

The Veteran Promoter "Time for another set of shows man. Scene getting dead, let's liven it up a bit" *plans out show, contacts the sponsors who are familiar with them, organizes the show and advertises. In the end, the show is under-attended. hey.. sometimes these things happen*

THE BANDS: There are many bands out there, each at different levels of popularity, skill, practice, tightness and maturity. Thus, there will be different reactions to the same show.

The new band on the block "SHOW! SHOW! dude, we HAVE to get a spot on this show! we'll be able to be heard! look at the other bands on the lineup! they'll pull people for sure! we'll definitely get heard!" *proceeds to try any way they can, even by badgering the promoter (who may be a soft-hearted person) to get on the lineup. Band is eventually put on the lineup as the first or last band and plays to a crowd of 5, 4 of which came with the band and the fifth thought the show was tomorrow and just came to drink in their favourite bar*

The getting somewhere band "Ey, check this show coming up, we should try to play for it. Maybe we could charge them less" *tries to get on the lineup and if they manage to do so might be placed right after or right before the new band on the block and will play to a crowd of 10 new listeners*

The Snobby Veteran band "ey, this man call me about this show he want to have. they real want us to play boy. We should buss some price in they ass, they must pay it." *band calls a large sum of money and if the promoter agrees, also demands they play at a certain spot or time. The band also acts like divas on and off stage. Their shit hasn't smelled in 12 years. Band may also put down the upandcomers because it's the 'cool, veteran' thing to do*

The 'Cool' Veteran Band "ey, this man call us to play this show dred. Well you know we doh play for any less than two grand, so they go have to pay. We have standards to uphold you know" *band charges high price and if the promoter agrees, they demand a certain spot or time to play. They mix and mingle with the new talent and give advice where they can*

The was-once-a-big-name-but-is-now-on-the-way-down band "another show! killer! let's try to get on the lineup! (if they aren't already on it). We can charge them less" *Band gets hired to play for the show, demands a spot but become extremely flexible when asked if they mind switching around or playing a later spot. Band also tries to get contacts from the current big-boys. Might even bitch when they aren't chosen for big shows*

THE BAR OWNERS:There are not many different varieties of this in Trinidad.

The Average Bar Owner "What?! Rock thing? in MY club?! how much the promoter paying? I doh want no satan music in my club eh!" *charges rent for the club or somehow finds a way to take the security deposit as their own and takes the bar sales, leaving the door to the promoter. Also complains after the show, even if the show was successful, that the music ran their customers and they didn't make any more than they would on a normal night anyway, if so much. They also don't want any more shows in their place unless it's acoustic or mellow music*

The Rock Enthusiast Bar Owner "A rock show? yea man!! which bands? anyone playing REAL metal or what?" *lets the promoter throw the show there. Takes the bar sales. Doesn't charge rent but constantly requests 80s metal from the Dj. Also might get drunk and do the 'old man headbang' by himself in the middle of an empty front-stage floor*

The Businessman Bar Owner "A rock show? how many people you bringing(to drink at my bar)?" *allows promoter to throw the show, may charge rent and definitely takes the bar. If the show is a success... sorry, I meant - if the bar sells a lot of drinks, more shows can be held there. If the bar doesn't make, then no more shows, unless a higher rent is paid*

The Fake Bar Owner "So you want to throw a show in the bar huh?" *Never actually says he is the owner but acts like it and talks like it enough to lead you to believe he is. Until you come one day, ask to speak to the owner and come face to face with someone you've never seen before who knows nothing about the show. Hopefully this new person is either a rock enthusiast or a businessman owner*

THE SOUND ENGINEER

The Soca Engineer "Yea! I mixed for shows already!" *he means soca parties/fetes and soca bands. Doesn't understand the importance of guitar volume and thinks the bass is the most important instrument ever. Snare and bass drum are especially loud and the crowd usually complains*

The Average/Bad Rock Engineer "Yea, I've mixed shows already!" *He means rock shows. thankfully. for some reason though, the bands' instruments are affecting the settings on the mixer and the band hasn't sorted out their tone properly so the engineer can't do anything about the feedback, the differing volume levls and that odd screech you hear ever so often. The crowd usually complains*

The Good Rock Engineer "COME TO SOUNDCHECK!" *Tries to ensure bands come to soundcheck. Works with the band to get the best sound possible. On the night the mix is pretty good and levels are fine. Yet the crowd usually complains*

The random engineer you've never worked with before "hi, can guitar1 play something please?" *this guy you may have seen around but never spoke to or knew about. He just shows up behind the mixing board some night and for some reason is able to mix the band better than the bad rock engineer and soca engineer combined, almost to the level of the good engineer. The crowd usually complains*

THE AUDIENCE: comedy waiting to be exposed.

The hardcore local supporter "SHOW! SHOW! I'm there!" *this person goes to every show, tries to attend anything to do with local rock. Knows some bands personally and is usually pretty cool*

The wannabe hardcore local supporter/popularity hound "SHOW! SHOW! I'm there! chance to look cool and be popular!" *goes to the big shows and acts like they know everyone who even looks like they're in a band. Tries to engage actual band members in conversations about whichever instruments they play and whichever bands they might listen to*

The Regulars "Cool, another show, we should check it out" *they all know each other if not personally at least by face. Every show is another lime*

The Newbies "A rock show? they have those things in Trinidad?" *comes to show dressed up like they're going to a party or fete. Maybe even wearing high heels and a GOOD dress.(for the women. Guys would usually just dress in jersey and jeans) Feels uneasy when they realise everyone else is dressed either like they liming on the corner or are about to conjure some demon from the 10th level of hell. Might like a couple bands but usually stays in the background, around the people they came with*

The Drunks (my personal favourite) "eyyshhh whhereshh youushh shellll handdpipes?" *either is so drunk they try to talk and you think they're choking on their tongue or they're not quite drunk but very tight and think you'd like to know everything about their taste in music or what they think about the show or the bands or your clothes or the night or the bar or the bartender or quantum physics... often can be found up front by the stage at the later hours of the night, dancing out of time to the music on stage (but in time to the music in their heads) and trying not to trip over their right foot with their right foot*

The Hardcore Rockers "DIMMU!" *always wearing a band t-shirt. black naturally. (the colour of the t-shirt, not the skin) a couple chains here and there, a few piercings all over, maybe a spike or two. Complain there are no real metal bands anymore except AB and C, one of which must be playing the show (otherwise they'd be home playing their dimmu borgir cds backwards to get life advice)*

The Emos "sigh" *their life is meaningless and depressing. Their parents didn't let them get that puppy they wanted and earlier in the day their mom told them to turn the volume on their super-expensive radio down just a notch or two so that their almost completely deaf grandmother can hear the Price is Right. Life for the day was thus a tragedy and they must show it by wearing their hair 'just so' in front and wearing small jerseys of either bands or sayings. arm bands are a must. they usually lime together because misery loves company*

The Oldies "I remember the bands back in my day" *usually stand in the back of the room and take in the music. Coincidence? - the back of the room is also where the bar is usually located. Hearing these new bands makes them remember their younger days of banging out to Hendrix and The Who. Some of these contain the potential to become one of The Drunks*

...and there you have it. Well most of it. I know I've left some out but due to length (it is rather long) and tiredness (it is rather late/early) I declined to include them. Again, this is all based on personal experience, so take that as you may.

Trini-Standard English translations

2007-09-14T01:16:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking. Again. Thoughts come faster than comic collectors during their first sexual experience. Or perhaps at the same speed. I wouldn't know for sure.

I use a bit of trini slang and phrases in my writing and typing. Some may not understand everything I say (again clinging to the assumption that maybe, in this great, big internet of ours, someone from another country will stumble across my blog) and will thus need some sort of translation. Even the blog title is inherently 'Trini'. As such I now leave a few links to trini dictionaries in order to de-confuffle my foreign visitors. (way to get ahead of yourself foots)
((can't believe I just referred to myself as foots))

http://www.trinidictionary.net/
http://www.afriqueonline.com/Pages/Trini/Trini20.html

that should be enough? yes, I think so.

'wha yuh go do' means 'what will you do' or 'what can you do'. It's usually said sarcastically to imply that there is nothing more that you can do, if anything at all. It's usually acceptance of the situation at hand

I have arrived. Hide your girl children.

2007-09-14T00:36:00.000-04:00

I swore, perhaps two years ago, that I'd never do this. By 'this' I mean blog. Yet facebook notes have had a habit of reminding me, and others apparently, that I enjoy writing my thoughts. I've since come to the conclusion that, as I am bombarded by thoughts on a daily basis I might as well get them out somehow. Perhaps someone I don't know can take one of my thoughts, pass it off as their own and become famous. (Yes, my thoughts are that great) I'm not sure I have the stomach for fame. Ha, I jest! - I'm built for fame. Getting sidetracked though - blogging. Swore I'd never do it. This should teach me a lesson about swearing. Or at least about never saying never. Which I never do. fuck. So yes, here I am, my first blog well underway. Apparently blogs generally have a niche theme - politics, religion, intellectual hullabaloo and the like. My theme shall be.. my life.
I'm of the firm opinion that so many 'funny' things happen to me for a reason. Until now I've never quite understood the reason. Now I do - I must blog. I wish I could say I had a dream in which Ghandi came to me, holding the arc of the covenant and accompanied by a goat bearing a striking resemblance to Moses and said 'go forth and blog your thoughts and daily happenings and it shall bring entertainment to the masses' (which of course would be said in Hindi and I'd have a translator at my side because not even in my dreams will I ever understand Hindi). But I can't.

I am instead operating under the assumption that someone/s out there must have the same sense of humour as I do and will find my life events as funny as I do. Even if no one reads my blog (which, if I were a gambling man I'd put some money on) at least I'd have the outlet to look at my thoughts at particular points in time. Should be interesting to at least me. But then, why does anyone blog? I doubt I've come up with any novel reasons for it anyway but at least I can now remember, how many days/months/years/millennia down the road, why I chose to go back on my oath.

thus I take my first steps into blogging domain. Wha yuh go do?