New Year..

I'm changing whether it's a new year or not. Changing some of my thinking, some of my behaviour, some of my personality. All with the aim of becoming a (in my opinion) better person. Someone who I can be proud to say I am - someone who I'm happy being.

Ryan's death put a few things into perspective for me, the main thing being that a long life is not promised. (sorry if this sounds familiar) As such I've started taking steps internally (my thinking) to change how I do certain things and how I approach different situations and circumstances. For example, I think that if I died tomorrow I don't want my mom to just be happy that I used to kiss her bye every time I left the house regardless of if we were on good terms or not. I'd want her to know I was finally at least trying to strengthen and build my relationship with her and not think that I was comfortable and satisfied with how things were.

Related to this somewhat is my home life. My room's clean periods are always limited. The dishes, although definitely not as badly as before, still tend to pile up sometimes. These are things my mom is always after me about and I rarely take her on(especially about my room). I'd like to change this. I think doing things like this.. at least trying to tidy up the mess I sleep in once a week, doing the dishes immediately, washing my car once a month(and I AM quite proud of the car when I do wash it..) will help me to become that much more mature. Children leave a mess, men clean it up.

I've also realized I definitely need to SERIOUSLY consider what I'd like to do my masters in and where, along with the fact that I should do the GRE exam. No procrastination this time, I started checking out the GRE website today and have been trying to work out a timetable for myself. Now I just have to start researching masters programs.. jahhh

Relationships.. have a few that need to be dealt with a little better, which I've already started working on. One in particular definitely needs a little adjusting as contemplation upon it has yielded some interesting realizations.

Jobwise.. need to sort that out and get something concrete in place. Can't be floundering around.

Hobbywise - football, music, reading. My three main interests. I've started practicing drums more often, I'm trying to organize at least a weekly football scene and I've started reading one of the four or five books I bought recently for myself.

a Psychology Today issue contained a most interesting and relevant article (to me) recently. It was a short article about relationships. Actually it was a letter sent in to the magazine by a man with some relationship issues similar to mine. So I've actually gotten some advice in that department and I feel better.. lighter.. about it


so yes.. I'm changing regardless of it being a new year or not. It just happens to be the new year while all of this self assessment and 'upgrading' is going on. 2008 isn't ANOTHER YEAR for me.. it's the continuation of my life. One day at a time with the future in mind until I die.

2008 is a label I won't subscribe to, it will not govern the way I do things. It's just a digit change in the date. 2008 is not going to bring new things. Life will bring new things and some of them, perhaps proving to be miniscule in the grand scheme of things, will just happen to occur within the time period we mark off as being '2008'. The only difference between today and yesterday is that you're one day closer to finality. There hasn't been a grand change in things, it's just another day with a slightly new face. A stranger that you think looks a little familiar like you've perhaps seen them before. Embrace life, embrace change, embrace the future and the now whether it's 2008 or not, but since we're all calling life '2008' for the next 364 days, embrace 2008.