Fact: we all use the toilet. We all do generally the same things on the toilet, albeit through different means sometimes. However I've noticed, through the use of toilets in different friends' homes, that many people can be a little inconsiderate towards the opposite sex when it comes to toilet setting.
Not like it's something that needs to be done, it's just annoying sometimes when I see certain things happen. Thus I come to the point of this post - both sexes can treat the toilet very differently and most times in total disregard to the opposite sex.
the classic male pissing on the seat because they don't want to lift it is well known by now. However women are not the only victims of this act. I'm tired of going to 'drain the snake' in a public toilet only to end up standing in the piss which covers the floor around the base of the toilet. I didn't pay $300 for my Umbros to be soaked in piss, sorry. Try to aim PLEASE! If you're drunk then try NOT to aim and you should end up point blank in the middle of the bowl.
what really inspired this post though, is the following situation that happens in every household dominated by females: the thick toilet covering. Now girls, ladies, women: I know you love to make things pretty, including the toilet. I also understand that you probably have never given much thought to the physics and dynamics surrounding a lifted seat and a thick toilet cover. Hence I hope many ladies read this and learn something: When you cover a toilet with a thick cover the toilet seat cannot be properly lifted against the back. Thus any person equipped with external genitalia faces the annnnnnoying task of holding said genitalia (to aim into the bowl so as not to piss on the toilet, no less) while trying to hold the toilet seat from falling onto said genitalia.
This may sound funny to some but let me tell you.. it's not funny in the least. Men are subjected to an experience of trying to hold their 'littler selves' and their pants with the same hand while trying to hold the seat up (because, if you can't figure it out by now, the thick seat covering pushes the seat off-balance). This especially applies when the men wear underwear that don't have flaps in front for easier access. (fuck you calvin kline and jockey sport, you're no friends of mine)
So ladies, please.. under normal circumstances of course it's cool to have those lovely, soft, thick seat coverings. However, when your male friends are over, please show some consideration and take the covers off or replace them with thinner covers. Or at least do it when I'm over.. cus I have enough consideration not to piss in your sink.
and guys.. when using a female's toilet please remember to put the seat back down when you're finished. For some reason girls find the process of flipping the seat down to be almost too much to bear. I guess they're afraid of breaking a nail or something.. so spare yourself the inevitable bitching that accompanies the having to put the seat down and do it yourselves. I mean you're already the stronger sex so you might as well do it. heh.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Kanye West rant
who the fuck does he think he is really? the saviour of hip-hop? oh no, wait wait, maybe he thinks he's some sort of prodigy. whatever it is, he's so fucking full of himself. That whiny little self-pitying bitch. Come on Kanye, go pat yourself on the back cus you outsold 50 Cent. I guess it just goes to show how many uneven coffee tables there are in the United States.
piece of 'Stronger' that pisses me off:
'I ask, cause I'm not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts go ape shit'
I can't believe this man has the audacity to sing about people not making 'real shit' anymore when the very track he's rapping on ISN'T HIS OWN! what? are we supposed to forget it's Daft Punk that's making the song good? are we supposed to hear the mind-numbingly crappy lyrics you try to throw at us and somehow think 'wow.. this is good stuff! please say more.' ?!
I will bow in the presence of greatness. Now if you'd just point me in the direction of said greatness I'll get to bowing. Great big piles of shit being passed off as rap lyrics don't count btw.
YOU should be honoured, Kanye, that I'm letting you affect me this much. I guess I really don't have tolerance for ignorant, shitty artists with no ounce of real talent. Maybe if you had your jaw wired tighter you'd sound half as retarded as your lyrics are.
The only fake shit here is your popularity. How did you really outsell 50Cent? ok that's a dumb question, those white, racist 9 yr old country singer girls could outsell 50Cent.. hell, a 60yr old jewish woman, half-paralyzed from excessive strokes' recorded mumblings about diapers and bedpans could outsell 50Cent. The real question is how many times did he have to say 'I'll suck yo cock man' to get people to buy his album. You don't need physical therapy on that jaw anymore you attention seeking pussy.
"Act like you can't tell who made this". no Kanye, it's extremely evident who made this. I can't remember the last time I heard such a supposedly well-played rapper write such shitty lyrics. Oh wait, yes I can *50 Cent plays in background.. of a passing car and obviously not on my PC*
'excuse me, is you saying something?' - yes I am, the truth. Kanye West might as well live in a pineapple under the sea, cus he's a fucking sponge. Go use someone else's music to make yourself popular you ass.
maybe if you weren't a college dropout you'd have the intelligence of.. say a 10 yr old. I have no doubt this would raise your lyrical skill to a much higher level. That of epileptic tourettes patients yelling about what they see going on outside their hospital windows.
*sigh* I miss Biggie.
piece of 'Stronger' that pisses me off:
'I ask, cause I'm not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts go ape shit'
I can't believe this man has the audacity to sing about people not making 'real shit' anymore when the very track he's rapping on ISN'T HIS OWN! what? are we supposed to forget it's Daft Punk that's making the song good? are we supposed to hear the mind-numbingly crappy lyrics you try to throw at us and somehow think 'wow.. this is good stuff! please say more.' ?!
I will bow in the presence of greatness. Now if you'd just point me in the direction of said greatness I'll get to bowing. Great big piles of shit being passed off as rap lyrics don't count btw.
YOU should be honoured, Kanye, that I'm letting you affect me this much. I guess I really don't have tolerance for ignorant, shitty artists with no ounce of real talent. Maybe if you had your jaw wired tighter you'd sound half as retarded as your lyrics are.
The only fake shit here is your popularity. How did you really outsell 50Cent? ok that's a dumb question, those white, racist 9 yr old country singer girls could outsell 50Cent.. hell, a 60yr old jewish woman, half-paralyzed from excessive strokes' recorded mumblings about diapers and bedpans could outsell 50Cent. The real question is how many times did he have to say 'I'll suck yo cock man' to get people to buy his album. You don't need physical therapy on that jaw anymore you attention seeking pussy.
"Act like you can't tell who made this". no Kanye, it's extremely evident who made this. I can't remember the last time I heard such a supposedly well-played rapper write such shitty lyrics. Oh wait, yes I can *50 Cent plays in background.. of a passing car and obviously not on my PC*
'excuse me, is you saying something?' - yes I am, the truth. Kanye West might as well live in a pineapple under the sea, cus he's a fucking sponge. Go use someone else's music to make yourself popular you ass.
maybe if you weren't a college dropout you'd have the intelligence of.. say a 10 yr old. I have no doubt this would raise your lyrical skill to a much higher level. That of epileptic tourettes patients yelling about what they see going on outside their hospital windows.
*sigh* I miss Biggie.
Traffic blockin
Am I the only person who is both fascinated and repulsed by traffic? I know most people are repulsed, but is anyone as fascinated as I about the phenomenon?
and what is it exactly about traffic that clicks with me? is it the connectivity between it all? with the actions at the start of an extremely long line of traffic affecting people all the way at the back? is it for traffic is formed? whether it's rush hour, because of something blocking the road or macocious trinis slowing down to maco an accident on THE OTHER SIDE of the road? or is it the sheer volume of traffic that occurs every day on our roads.
Perhaps it's all of these combined.
but you know what? I could get over it, so fuck traffic!! two hours to get from Port of Spain to Valsayn?! what kinda shit is that!? I thought the Lady Young supposed to be quicker than Beetham?! traffic stretched the entire length of the Lady Young.. what madness is that!? people keep trying to come up with solutions but they missing the point. Too many cars on the road! I'll be the first to give up my car. Just invent some machine that can instantly transport me to anywhere I need to go and I will set the example of putting my car to rest. That's not so difficult is it? scientists can splice genes and make square watermelons.. why don't they focus on trying to get me to my destination sans traffic?
thank gorm for mp3 player car stereos.
and Muse.
and what is it exactly about traffic that clicks with me? is it the connectivity between it all? with the actions at the start of an extremely long line of traffic affecting people all the way at the back? is it for traffic is formed? whether it's rush hour, because of something blocking the road or macocious trinis slowing down to maco an accident on THE OTHER SIDE of the road? or is it the sheer volume of traffic that occurs every day on our roads.
Perhaps it's all of these combined.
but you know what? I could get over it, so fuck traffic!! two hours to get from Port of Spain to Valsayn?! what kinda shit is that!? I thought the Lady Young supposed to be quicker than Beetham?! traffic stretched the entire length of the Lady Young.. what madness is that!? people keep trying to come up with solutions but they missing the point. Too many cars on the road! I'll be the first to give up my car. Just invent some machine that can instantly transport me to anywhere I need to go and I will set the example of putting my car to rest. That's not so difficult is it? scientists can splice genes and make square watermelons.. why don't they focus on trying to get me to my destination sans traffic?
thank gorm for mp3 player car stereos.
and Muse.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Some truths, courtesy observations I've made
Most guys can't have a close female friend without at the very least being attracted to them. Case in point, I only have one.. yet I have a lot of female friends.
Related to this.. guys play the patience game. A lot. Girls: know that 'best (male) friend' you have? he likes you. You have a bf and the best friend has never made a move on you? really? oh that's nice.. he's just being patient. Guys in these situations have an amazing capacity for patience that they will never show in any other aspect of their lives. If anything does ever happen between you two, you may end up thinking it was your doing. Trust me.. it wasn't. He's been preparing for this. Also, if you don't want anything more than some fun, be up front with this information; he's had his heart set on a relationship. For a long time. This inevitably leads to heartache for him once you don't want a relationship. but small thing, all that in the game.
Girls think about sex a lot. Maybe more than a lot of guys do *WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY!?* they won't admit it, but it's true.
Girls talk about your penis size. And if you're good in bed. And any other detail your own best friend doesn't know about you. Not all girls mind you, but most.
Kanye West is a whiny-ass bitch who wouldn't know an original beat if it blew his ear drums. (nothing to do with anything else, but it's still a truth I've observed)
At the start of relationships, say the first three months AT LEAST, neither person is who they really are. It's all a front. Wait until people actually start getting comfortable with each other and the real self comes out. Again, not a generalization, but for most people it happens.
Girls put their loss of virginity on as high a pedestal as many guys put 'the pussy'. Contrastly, most guys are nonchalant about their first times and treat it as just a (hopefully) fond memory. Most girls try as hard as possible to hold on to the guy who took their virginity. Too bad most guys who do this turn out to be assholes.
Guys don't have as much respect for women who always make them buy their drinks as they do women who buy their own. Guess who else makes you buy them drinks? strippers.
asshole guys have/get hot girls. this leads me to believe that women like being treated like shit. disagree with me? stop dating assholes.
many beautiful girls are really insecure and extremely shy. On the other hand, many beautiful girls know they're beautiful and use it to their advantage as much as they can and can be bitchy.
Goodlooking girls also have a hard time finding meaningful relationships because they're worried that every guy is only trying to sleep with them. Which is true because the nice guys who these women would like to be with are too intimidate by their beauty to approach them. Thus they are only picked up by cocky, self-assured assholes who only view them as sex objects.
if a guy is goodlooking, many girls he's interested in will assume he's only into them for sex. Especially with 'red' guys whom everyone assumes are players.
that's it for now, more to come when I can think of it
Related to this.. guys play the patience game. A lot. Girls: know that 'best (male) friend' you have? he likes you. You have a bf and the best friend has never made a move on you? really? oh that's nice.. he's just being patient. Guys in these situations have an amazing capacity for patience that they will never show in any other aspect of their lives. If anything does ever happen between you two, you may end up thinking it was your doing. Trust me.. it wasn't. He's been preparing for this. Also, if you don't want anything more than some fun, be up front with this information; he's had his heart set on a relationship. For a long time. This inevitably leads to heartache for him once you don't want a relationship. but small thing, all that in the game.
Girls think about sex a lot. Maybe more than a lot of guys do *WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY!?* they won't admit it, but it's true.
Girls talk about your penis size. And if you're good in bed. And any other detail your own best friend doesn't know about you. Not all girls mind you, but most.
Kanye West is a whiny-ass bitch who wouldn't know an original beat if it blew his ear drums. (nothing to do with anything else, but it's still a truth I've observed)
At the start of relationships, say the first three months AT LEAST, neither person is who they really are. It's all a front. Wait until people actually start getting comfortable with each other and the real self comes out. Again, not a generalization, but for most people it happens.
Girls put their loss of virginity on as high a pedestal as many guys put 'the pussy'. Contrastly, most guys are nonchalant about their first times and treat it as just a (hopefully) fond memory. Most girls try as hard as possible to hold on to the guy who took their virginity. Too bad most guys who do this turn out to be assholes.
Guys don't have as much respect for women who always make them buy their drinks as they do women who buy their own. Guess who else makes you buy them drinks? strippers.
asshole guys have/get hot girls. this leads me to believe that women like being treated like shit. disagree with me? stop dating assholes.
many beautiful girls are really insecure and extremely shy. On the other hand, many beautiful girls know they're beautiful and use it to their advantage as much as they can and can be bitchy.
Goodlooking girls also have a hard time finding meaningful relationships because they're worried that every guy is only trying to sleep with them. Which is true because the nice guys who these women would like to be with are too intimidate by their beauty to approach them. Thus they are only picked up by cocky, self-assured assholes who only view them as sex objects.
if a guy is goodlooking, many girls he's interested in will assume he's only into them for sex. Especially with 'red' guys whom everyone assumes are players.
that's it for now, more to come when I can think of it
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
A laugh a day..
"No matter what you're going through, someone has been through it before, or at least something like it" - in most situations in life, this is as true a saying as you can get. This is the main reason why so many R&B/slow/mellow/whatever song lyrics tend to *click* during different experiences in our lives.
just thought I'd throw that out there.
I've also known for some time that the key to staying sane in life is to realize that God (if you believe in Him) has quite a sense of humour and it'd be best if you had one too. I attribute my ability to dodge so many openings for nervous breakdown or just anxiety attacks to my sense of humour(which includes self-deprecating quips). I surely would not be the man I am today, in the mental state I am without this.
Thank you sense of humour, for getting me through all my rough times, all my weird times and all the times in between. You've been like a best friend to me.. a best friend I can take with me anywhere I go and one who shares a telepathic connection (because only crazy people talk to themselves right?). I don't know what I'd do without you, but I know I'd be a much lesser man (and probably living in a mental institution).
just thought I'd throw that out there.
I've also known for some time that the key to staying sane in life is to realize that God (if you believe in Him) has quite a sense of humour and it'd be best if you had one too. I attribute my ability to dodge so many openings for nervous breakdown or just anxiety attacks to my sense of humour(which includes self-deprecating quips). I surely would not be the man I am today, in the mental state I am without this.
Thank you sense of humour, for getting me through all my rough times, all my weird times and all the times in between. You've been like a best friend to me.. a best friend I can take with me anywhere I go and one who shares a telepathic connection (because only crazy people talk to themselves right?). I don't know what I'd do without you, but I know I'd be a much lesser man (and probably living in a mental institution).
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Gun Session
I've been thinking about getting a gun. Not over the past 48 hours but for a while now.
Really, I've been playing with the idea off and on since I was 18; really just about what it might be like to have one. Boyhood fantasies aside, it was some serious contemplation taking place.
In recent times I've thought a lot more about going to the firing range and actually learning to shoot. I've also been thinking quite a lot more about actually owning a gun and what that might mean.
It's in my thoughts so much now I'm actually having dreams about and involving guns as a main point of the dream.
I used to believe I was responsible enough to own one. At least to not wave it about the place, showing off as if my dick suddenly grew and gained the ability to detach itself. And not to brag, threaten or otherwise indicate that I had a gun on my person or nearby. I'm still of this mindset, but after the Zen incident the other week I realized 'hmm.. maybe it's a good thing I don't own a gun' as I'm pretty sure I'd have gone back and shot a bouncer square in the chest. This is the more important responsibility to have with gun ownership so it looks like I'll have to think some more about that part.
Jamaica also did nothing to deter me from wanting to procure a firearm. That stereotype about all Jamaicans having guns etc isn't much far from the truth. But then look at how much violence there is and the violent aspect of their culture, so hmm.. coincidence? perhaps not. Still, I am left with the desire to own one. Or at the very least be able to handle one properly if I were faced with the possibility. Two very different things, I know.
Funny thing is, I've never been the victim of a confrontational crime. Sure, I know a few others who have, some being close family even, yet I have remained, for all my 4am driving about and liming, free of any similar situations. So it's not like my desire to own a gun has come from some traumatic experience induced paranoia. (though the ever-present threat of crime is a definite reason). I'm also of the mindset that a GUN inherently is NOT a means of defense. It's an offensive device. Anyone who says they bought a gun to protect themselves is filling you and themselves with shit. Guns are made to shoot and to kill. They don't block bullets, they fire them. As such, the saying that having a gun is an excuse to get shot is also true. At least to my belief. So it's really just that anger thing I should work on with the responsibility aspect of things.
like it's a small thing eh? hmm.
obviously more thought is needed.. in the meantime though I intend to at least join the firearm institute and go shoot a few rounds, see how it feels, see how I feel. See if I'm only accurate in arcade shooting and not in real life. Should be an interesting experience.
N.B. While it's pretty simple to go learn to shoot (you just have to be over 21 and have an ID etc) actually obtaining the license for a firearm is EXTREMELY difficult to do (legally). And since the only way I'm going to get a gun is if I have the license for it (because, although I can get an illegal gun, I won't ever) the chances of me, a non-business owner who is under 25, getting one is extremely narrow.
Really, I've been playing with the idea off and on since I was 18; really just about what it might be like to have one. Boyhood fantasies aside, it was some serious contemplation taking place.
In recent times I've thought a lot more about going to the firing range and actually learning to shoot. I've also been thinking quite a lot more about actually owning a gun and what that might mean.
It's in my thoughts so much now I'm actually having dreams about and involving guns as a main point of the dream.
I used to believe I was responsible enough to own one. At least to not wave it about the place, showing off as if my dick suddenly grew and gained the ability to detach itself. And not to brag, threaten or otherwise indicate that I had a gun on my person or nearby. I'm still of this mindset, but after the Zen incident the other week I realized 'hmm.. maybe it's a good thing I don't own a gun' as I'm pretty sure I'd have gone back and shot a bouncer square in the chest. This is the more important responsibility to have with gun ownership so it looks like I'll have to think some more about that part.
Jamaica also did nothing to deter me from wanting to procure a firearm. That stereotype about all Jamaicans having guns etc isn't much far from the truth. But then look at how much violence there is and the violent aspect of their culture, so hmm.. coincidence? perhaps not. Still, I am left with the desire to own one. Or at the very least be able to handle one properly if I were faced with the possibility. Two very different things, I know.
Funny thing is, I've never been the victim of a confrontational crime. Sure, I know a few others who have, some being close family even, yet I have remained, for all my 4am driving about and liming, free of any similar situations. So it's not like my desire to own a gun has come from some traumatic experience induced paranoia. (though the ever-present threat of crime is a definite reason). I'm also of the mindset that a GUN inherently is NOT a means of defense. It's an offensive device. Anyone who says they bought a gun to protect themselves is filling you and themselves with shit. Guns are made to shoot and to kill. They don't block bullets, they fire them. As such, the saying that having a gun is an excuse to get shot is also true. At least to my belief. So it's really just that anger thing I should work on with the responsibility aspect of things.
like it's a small thing eh? hmm.
obviously more thought is needed.. in the meantime though I intend to at least join the firearm institute and go shoot a few rounds, see how it feels, see how I feel. See if I'm only accurate in arcade shooting and not in real life. Should be an interesting experience.
N.B. While it's pretty simple to go learn to shoot (you just have to be over 21 and have an ID etc) actually obtaining the license for a firearm is EXTREMELY difficult to do (legally). And since the only way I'm going to get a gun is if I have the license for it (because, although I can get an illegal gun, I won't ever) the chances of me, a non-business owner who is under 25, getting one is extremely narrow.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Internet vs. The Possibility of the Internet
No, I haven't abandoned my newly acquired blog. I've been without the net for a few days now (has it REALLY been a few days? or has it merely been a day and a half/two days tops?) and had to borrow a friend's laptop this afternoon before I went crazy and started thinking about cannibalism as a fun and exciting way to pass the time I would otherwise spend hooked up to the world wide web.
Funny thing happened once I was actually online though. (I desist from making a joke here)
I spent about an hour max on the laptop doing the usuals (facebook, islandnoise, facebook, youtube, facebook, facebook, islandnoise, email, facebook) and I realized.. minus the backing up of facebook notifications in my email and those dumb applications people insist on sending me (note: not all are dumb. big up to my vampire/jedi brethren!) (joking.. I pledge allegiance to no side.) I had nothing else to really DO. No work to research, couldn't download anything (which I don't do anymore: buy original cds kids! don't be a pirate. *poses for photo-op with Lars Ulrich*), nothing 'so-cool-you-really-need-to-see-this-immediately!' to see immediately and I'm not much of a porn guy (actually not joking. *loses cred with my 'blues' brothers*). You see my situation?
I thought to myself: THIS is what I missed!? not even a FULL hour spent engrossed in whatever sat before me on the whatever x whatever screen!? (i'm not good with laptop screen dimensions.. it was a Sony Vaio - you do the math).
I pondered this for a bit (because I now had nothing ELSE to do) then came to the conclusion that I didn't actually miss THE INTERNET as much as I missed the POSSIBILITY of the internet. Yes, I did miss the interconnectivity and macociousness of facebook and the random comess and once-in-a-while good thread on islandnoise, but I more missed the possibility that at a moment's notice I could just plop down on my worn out office chair (the thing has seen more ass than Ron Jeremy and Mystery the Pick Up Artist combined.. ok maybe just Ron Jeremy), click on that loveable, little orange firefox logo and become connected.
It wasn't just about the present circumstances. It was about the non-availability of the internet to be at my disposal whenever I wanted. Granted there are far, far better things being done on the net than I have ever and probably will ever do (don't mark my words though), but come on.. there are far, far lesser things being done than I do (don't ask me what though.. www.parishilton.com perhaps?).
Thus, it was the potential for interconnectivity that I was missing; Humans are social beings (don't tell this to my ex-wife though) and with our increasing addiction(obsession?) with all things tech-y and internet-related our need for social interaction grows and grows. (spirals out of control?) What I craved therefore, while sitting in my chair, shifting to the side just a bit so the piece of metal, which the seat padding has been worn down to, wouldn't take my ass-virginity before prison does, trying to find SOMETHING to do on the PC, was the possibility that I could become part of this connectivity at my heart's desire.
It was this knowledge, that I, in fact, could NOT become as such connected that was driving me onwards on my aforementioned quest for something to fill that time. Which, I figure, was really just something to remove that knowledge of my incapability for immediate worldwide connectivity, or something to otherwise occupy my mind. I wanted a new drug, if you will. One that wouldn't let me quit. Or that wouldn't quit on me, exposing me once more to the harsh reality of my isolation from the rest of the world.
but now my net is back, so I'm happy again. yay!
Funny thing happened once I was actually online though. (I desist from making a joke here)
I spent about an hour max on the laptop doing the usuals (facebook, islandnoise, facebook, youtube, facebook, facebook, islandnoise, email, facebook) and I realized.. minus the backing up of facebook notifications in my email and those dumb applications people insist on sending me (note: not all are dumb. big up to my vampire/jedi brethren!) (joking.. I pledge allegiance to no side.) I had nothing else to really DO. No work to research, couldn't download anything (which I don't do anymore: buy original cds kids! don't be a pirate. *poses for photo-op with Lars Ulrich*), nothing 'so-cool-you-really-need-to-see-this-immediately!' to see immediately and I'm not much of a porn guy (actually not joking. *loses cred with my 'blues' brothers*). You see my situation?
I thought to myself: THIS is what I missed!? not even a FULL hour spent engrossed in whatever sat before me on the whatever x whatever screen!? (i'm not good with laptop screen dimensions.. it was a Sony Vaio - you do the math).
I pondered this for a bit (because I now had nothing ELSE to do) then came to the conclusion that I didn't actually miss THE INTERNET as much as I missed the POSSIBILITY of the internet. Yes, I did miss the interconnectivity and macociousness of facebook and the random comess and once-in-a-while good thread on islandnoise, but I more missed the possibility that at a moment's notice I could just plop down on my worn out office chair (the thing has seen more ass than Ron Jeremy and Mystery the Pick Up Artist combined.. ok maybe just Ron Jeremy), click on that loveable, little orange firefox logo and become connected.
It wasn't just about the present circumstances. It was about the non-availability of the internet to be at my disposal whenever I wanted. Granted there are far, far better things being done on the net than I have ever and probably will ever do (don't mark my words though), but come on.. there are far, far lesser things being done than I do (don't ask me what though.. www.parishilton.com perhaps?).
Thus, it was the potential for interconnectivity that I was missing; Humans are social beings (don't tell this to my ex-wife though) and with our increasing addiction(obsession?) with all things tech-y and internet-related our need for social interaction grows and grows. (spirals out of control?) What I craved therefore, while sitting in my chair, shifting to the side just a bit so the piece of metal, which the seat padding has been worn down to, wouldn't take my ass-virginity before prison does, trying to find SOMETHING to do on the PC, was the possibility that I could become part of this connectivity at my heart's desire.
It was this knowledge, that I, in fact, could NOT become as such connected that was driving me onwards on my aforementioned quest for something to fill that time. Which, I figure, was really just something to remove that knowledge of my incapability for immediate worldwide connectivity, or something to otherwise occupy my mind. I wanted a new drug, if you will. One that wouldn't let me quit. Or that wouldn't quit on me, exposing me once more to the harsh reality of my isolation from the rest of the world.
but now my net is back, so I'm happy again. yay!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
A (Trini) Rock Show: broken down into individual components.
Now, it's obvious that not all shows are the same and are not brought about by the same methods. However, from what I've seen, many shows have quite a few things in common. There are also various points of view of the same show. The following is a relation of these different points of view, coming from the different groups involved in making a show come together. This is all based on personal experience, which is limited. As such some groups may be left out. I apologise, but maybe you should have been around me more.
THE PROMOTER: In my experience there've been different motives for having a rock show. Some of these will be covered.
The Novice/Naive Promoter "Man, I real wanna have a show dred. Long time I eh see some good bands play and no one doing anything so I might as well!" *proceeds to try to throw show, not realising the work it requires and maybe having an unsuccessful show because of lack of proper planning and promoting*
The Greedy Promoter "Eh, I seeing all these big rock shows makin a lil money off ppl head an thing. I wonder if I could jump in and make some money too" *proceeds to throw high priced show, with the bands the promoter thinks will pull a crowd. Doesn't pay bands as much as they should or tries to find a way around paying the bands a lot of money. May also advertise 'free drinks' or 'drink specials' only for patrons to show up and realise 'free drinks means free water and SOFT drinks'* (this also works for the promoter who owns their own sportsbar/club/etc)
The Popularity-Hound Promoter "Dred, throwing shows is so cool and kickass! I'm gonna throw one so people can know who I am and know I know bands" *in trying to organize the show this promoter tries hard to 'buddy-up' with bands,managers, other promoters and anyone else they view as 'INfluential'. Show may buss due to similar circumstances that the Novice faced*
The Supporter-Promoter Promoter "WE NEED TO PUSH LOCAL ROCK MAN!!! IT NEEDS TO GET OUT THERE!! THE PEOPLE NEEEEED TO HEAR IT!" *throws a show that could very well be successful but then quickly throws another show that flops. and another. and another. all the while sacrificing planning and proper, logical organization and promotion in order to 'get the bands out there'*
The Veteran Promoter "Time for another set of shows man. Scene getting dead, let's liven it up a bit" *plans out show, contacts the sponsors who are familiar with them, organizes the show and advertises. In the end, the show is under-attended. hey.. sometimes these things happen*
THE BANDS: There are many bands out there, each at different levels of popularity, skill, practice, tightness and maturity. Thus, there will be different reactions to the same show.
The new band on the block "SHOW! SHOW! dude, we HAVE to get a spot on this show! we'll be able to be heard! look at the other bands on the lineup! they'll pull people for sure! we'll definitely get heard!" *proceeds to try any way they can, even by badgering the promoter (who may be a soft-hearted person) to get on the lineup. Band is eventually put on the lineup as the first or last band and plays to a crowd of 5, 4 of which came with the band and the fifth thought the show was tomorrow and just came to drink in their favourite bar*
The getting somewhere band "Ey, check this show coming up, we should try to play for it. Maybe we could charge them less" *tries to get on the lineup and if they manage to do so might be placed right after or right before the new band on the block and will play to a crowd of 10 new listeners*
The Snobby Veteran band "ey, this man call me about this show he want to have. they real want us to play boy. We should buss some price in they ass, they must pay it." *band calls a large sum of money and if the promoter agrees, also demands they play at a certain spot or time. The band also acts like divas on and off stage. Their shit hasn't smelled in 12 years. Band may also put down the upandcomers because it's the 'cool, veteran' thing to do*
The 'Cool' Veteran Band "ey, this man call us to play this show dred. Well you know we doh play for any less than two grand, so they go have to pay. We have standards to uphold you know" *band charges high price and if the promoter agrees, they demand a certain spot or time to play. They mix and mingle with the new talent and give advice where they can*
The was-once-a-big-name-but-is-now-on-the-way-down band "another show! killer! let's try to get on the lineup! (if they aren't already on it). We can charge them less" *Band gets hired to play for the show, demands a spot but become extremely flexible when asked if they mind switching around or playing a later spot. Band also tries to get contacts from the current big-boys. Might even bitch when they aren't chosen for big shows*
THE BAR OWNERS:There are not many different varieties of this in Trinidad.
The Average Bar Owner "What?! Rock thing? in MY club?! how much the promoter paying? I doh want no satan music in my club eh!" *charges rent for the club or somehow finds a way to take the security deposit as their own and takes the bar sales, leaving the door to the promoter. Also complains after the show, even if the show was successful, that the music ran their customers and they didn't make any more than they would on a normal night anyway, if so much. They also don't want any more shows in their place unless it's acoustic or mellow music*
The Rock Enthusiast Bar Owner "A rock show? yea man!! which bands? anyone playing REAL metal or what?" *lets the promoter throw the show there. Takes the bar sales. Doesn't charge rent but constantly requests 80s metal from the Dj. Also might get drunk and do the 'old man headbang' by himself in the middle of an empty front-stage floor*
The Businessman Bar Owner "A rock show? how many people you bringing(to drink at my bar)?" *allows promoter to throw the show, may charge rent and definitely takes the bar. If the show is a success... sorry, I meant - if the bar sells a lot of drinks, more shows can be held there. If the bar doesn't make, then no more shows, unless a higher rent is paid*
The Fake Bar Owner "So you want to throw a show in the bar huh?" *Never actually says he is the owner but acts like it and talks like it enough to lead you to believe he is. Until you come one day, ask to speak to the owner and come face to face with someone you've never seen before who knows nothing about the show. Hopefully this new person is either a rock enthusiast or a businessman owner*
THE SOUND ENGINEER
The Soca Engineer "Yea! I mixed for shows already!" *he means soca parties/fetes and soca bands. Doesn't understand the importance of guitar volume and thinks the bass is the most important instrument ever. Snare and bass drum are especially loud and the crowd usually complains*
The Average/Bad Rock Engineer "Yea, I've mixed shows already!" *He means rock shows. thankfully. for some reason though, the bands' instruments are affecting the settings on the mixer and the band hasn't sorted out their tone properly so the engineer can't do anything about the feedback, the differing volume levls and that odd screech you hear ever so often. The crowd usually complains*
The Good Rock Engineer "COME TO SOUNDCHECK!" *Tries to ensure bands come to soundcheck. Works with the band to get the best sound possible. On the night the mix is pretty good and levels are fine. Yet the crowd usually complains*
The random engineer you've never worked with before "hi, can guitar1 play something please?" *this guy you may have seen around but never spoke to or knew about. He just shows up behind the mixing board some night and for some reason is able to mix the band better than the bad rock engineer and soca engineer combined, almost to the level of the good engineer. The crowd usually complains*
THE AUDIENCE: comedy waiting to be exposed.
The hardcore local supporter "SHOW! SHOW! I'm there!" *this person goes to every show, tries to attend anything to do with local rock. Knows some bands personally and is usually pretty cool*
The wannabe hardcore local supporter/popularity hound "SHOW! SHOW! I'm there! chance to look cool and be popular!" *goes to the big shows and acts like they know everyone who even looks like they're in a band. Tries to engage actual band members in conversations about whichever instruments they play and whichever bands they might listen to*
The Regulars "Cool, another show, we should check it out" *they all know each other if not personally at least by face. Every show is another lime*
The Newbies "A rock show? they have those things in Trinidad?" *comes to show dressed up like they're going to a party or fete. Maybe even wearing high heels and a GOOD dress.(for the women. Guys would usually just dress in jersey and jeans) Feels uneasy when they realise everyone else is dressed either like they liming on the corner or are about to conjure some demon from the 10th level of hell. Might like a couple bands but usually stays in the background, around the people they came with*
The Drunks (my personal favourite) "eyyshhh whhereshh youushh shellll handdpipes?" *either is so drunk they try to talk and you think they're choking on their tongue or they're not quite drunk but very tight and think you'd like to know everything about their taste in music or what they think about the show or the bands or your clothes or the night or the bar or the bartender or quantum physics... often can be found up front by the stage at the later hours of the night, dancing out of time to the music on stage (but in time to the music in their heads) and trying not to trip over their right foot with their right foot*
The Hardcore Rockers "DIMMU!" *always wearing a band t-shirt. black naturally. (the colour of the t-shirt, not the skin) a couple chains here and there, a few piercings all over, maybe a spike or two. Complain there are no real metal bands anymore except AB and C, one of which must be playing the show (otherwise they'd be home playing their dimmu borgir cds backwards to get life advice)*
The Emos "sigh" *their life is meaningless and depressing. Their parents didn't let them get that puppy they wanted and earlier in the day their mom told them to turn the volume on their super-expensive radio down just a notch or two so that their almost completely deaf grandmother can hear the Price is Right. Life for the day was thus a tragedy and they must show it by wearing their hair 'just so' in front and wearing small jerseys of either bands or sayings. arm bands are a must. they usually lime together because misery loves company*
The Oldies "I remember the bands back in my day" *usually stand in the back of the room and take in the music. Coincidence? - the back of the room is also where the bar is usually located. Hearing these new bands makes them remember their younger days of banging out to Hendrix and The Who. Some of these contain the potential to become one of The Drunks*
...and there you have it. Well most of it. I know I've left some out but due to length (it is rather long) and tiredness (it is rather late/early) I declined to include them. Again, this is all based on personal experience, so take that as you may.
THE PROMOTER: In my experience there've been different motives for having a rock show. Some of these will be covered.
The Novice/Naive Promoter "Man, I real wanna have a show dred. Long time I eh see some good bands play and no one doing anything so I might as well!" *proceeds to try to throw show, not realising the work it requires and maybe having an unsuccessful show because of lack of proper planning and promoting*
The Greedy Promoter "Eh, I seeing all these big rock shows makin a lil money off ppl head an thing. I wonder if I could jump in and make some money too" *proceeds to throw high priced show, with the bands the promoter thinks will pull a crowd. Doesn't pay bands as much as they should or tries to find a way around paying the bands a lot of money. May also advertise 'free drinks' or 'drink specials' only for patrons to show up and realise 'free drinks means free water and SOFT drinks'* (this also works for the promoter who owns their own sportsbar/club/etc)
The Popularity-Hound Promoter "Dred, throwing shows is so cool and kickass! I'm gonna throw one so people can know who I am and know I know bands" *in trying to organize the show this promoter tries hard to 'buddy-up' with bands,managers, other promoters and anyone else they view as 'INfluential'. Show may buss due to similar circumstances that the Novice faced*
The Supporter-Promoter Promoter "WE NEED TO PUSH LOCAL ROCK MAN!!! IT NEEDS TO GET OUT THERE!! THE PEOPLE NEEEEED TO HEAR IT!" *throws a show that could very well be successful but then quickly throws another show that flops. and another. and another. all the while sacrificing planning and proper, logical organization and promotion in order to 'get the bands out there'*
The Veteran Promoter "Time for another set of shows man. Scene getting dead, let's liven it up a bit" *plans out show, contacts the sponsors who are familiar with them, organizes the show and advertises. In the end, the show is under-attended. hey.. sometimes these things happen*
THE BANDS: There are many bands out there, each at different levels of popularity, skill, practice, tightness and maturity. Thus, there will be different reactions to the same show.
The new band on the block "SHOW! SHOW! dude, we HAVE to get a spot on this show! we'll be able to be heard! look at the other bands on the lineup! they'll pull people for sure! we'll definitely get heard!" *proceeds to try any way they can, even by badgering the promoter (who may be a soft-hearted person) to get on the lineup. Band is eventually put on the lineup as the first or last band and plays to a crowd of 5, 4 of which came with the band and the fifth thought the show was tomorrow and just came to drink in their favourite bar*
The getting somewhere band "Ey, check this show coming up, we should try to play for it. Maybe we could charge them less" *tries to get on the lineup and if they manage to do so might be placed right after or right before the new band on the block and will play to a crowd of 10 new listeners*
The Snobby Veteran band "ey, this man call me about this show he want to have. they real want us to play boy. We should buss some price in they ass, they must pay it." *band calls a large sum of money and if the promoter agrees, also demands they play at a certain spot or time. The band also acts like divas on and off stage. Their shit hasn't smelled in 12 years. Band may also put down the upandcomers because it's the 'cool, veteran' thing to do*
The 'Cool' Veteran Band "ey, this man call us to play this show dred. Well you know we doh play for any less than two grand, so they go have to pay. We have standards to uphold you know" *band charges high price and if the promoter agrees, they demand a certain spot or time to play. They mix and mingle with the new talent and give advice where they can*
The was-once-a-big-name-but-is-now-on-the-way-down band "another show! killer! let's try to get on the lineup! (if they aren't already on it). We can charge them less" *Band gets hired to play for the show, demands a spot but become extremely flexible when asked if they mind switching around or playing a later spot. Band also tries to get contacts from the current big-boys. Might even bitch when they aren't chosen for big shows*
THE BAR OWNERS:There are not many different varieties of this in Trinidad.
The Average Bar Owner "What?! Rock thing? in MY club?! how much the promoter paying? I doh want no satan music in my club eh!" *charges rent for the club or somehow finds a way to take the security deposit as their own and takes the bar sales, leaving the door to the promoter. Also complains after the show, even if the show was successful, that the music ran their customers and they didn't make any more than they would on a normal night anyway, if so much. They also don't want any more shows in their place unless it's acoustic or mellow music*
The Rock Enthusiast Bar Owner "A rock show? yea man!! which bands? anyone playing REAL metal or what?" *lets the promoter throw the show there. Takes the bar sales. Doesn't charge rent but constantly requests 80s metal from the Dj. Also might get drunk and do the 'old man headbang' by himself in the middle of an empty front-stage floor*
The Businessman Bar Owner "A rock show? how many people you bringing(to drink at my bar)?" *allows promoter to throw the show, may charge rent and definitely takes the bar. If the show is a success... sorry, I meant - if the bar sells a lot of drinks, more shows can be held there. If the bar doesn't make, then no more shows, unless a higher rent is paid*
The Fake Bar Owner "So you want to throw a show in the bar huh?" *Never actually says he is the owner but acts like it and talks like it enough to lead you to believe he is. Until you come one day, ask to speak to the owner and come face to face with someone you've never seen before who knows nothing about the show. Hopefully this new person is either a rock enthusiast or a businessman owner*
THE SOUND ENGINEER
The Soca Engineer "Yea! I mixed for shows already!" *he means soca parties/fetes and soca bands. Doesn't understand the importance of guitar volume and thinks the bass is the most important instrument ever. Snare and bass drum are especially loud and the crowd usually complains*
The Average/Bad Rock Engineer "Yea, I've mixed shows already!" *He means rock shows. thankfully. for some reason though, the bands' instruments are affecting the settings on the mixer and the band hasn't sorted out their tone properly so the engineer can't do anything about the feedback, the differing volume levls and that odd screech you hear ever so often. The crowd usually complains*
The Good Rock Engineer "COME TO SOUNDCHECK!" *Tries to ensure bands come to soundcheck. Works with the band to get the best sound possible. On the night the mix is pretty good and levels are fine. Yet the crowd usually complains*
The random engineer you've never worked with before "hi, can guitar1 play something please?" *this guy you may have seen around but never spoke to or knew about. He just shows up behind the mixing board some night and for some reason is able to mix the band better than the bad rock engineer and soca engineer combined, almost to the level of the good engineer. The crowd usually complains*
THE AUDIENCE: comedy waiting to be exposed.
The hardcore local supporter "SHOW! SHOW! I'm there!" *this person goes to every show, tries to attend anything to do with local rock. Knows some bands personally and is usually pretty cool*
The wannabe hardcore local supporter/popularity hound "SHOW! SHOW! I'm there! chance to look cool and be popular!" *goes to the big shows and acts like they know everyone who even looks like they're in a band. Tries to engage actual band members in conversations about whichever instruments they play and whichever bands they might listen to*
The Regulars "Cool, another show, we should check it out" *they all know each other if not personally at least by face. Every show is another lime*
The Newbies "A rock show? they have those things in Trinidad?" *comes to show dressed up like they're going to a party or fete. Maybe even wearing high heels and a GOOD dress.(for the women. Guys would usually just dress in jersey and jeans) Feels uneasy when they realise everyone else is dressed either like they liming on the corner or are about to conjure some demon from the 10th level of hell. Might like a couple bands but usually stays in the background, around the people they came with*
The Drunks (my personal favourite) "eyyshhh whhereshh youushh shellll handdpipes?" *either is so drunk they try to talk and you think they're choking on their tongue or they're not quite drunk but very tight and think you'd like to know everything about their taste in music or what they think about the show or the bands or your clothes or the night or the bar or the bartender or quantum physics... often can be found up front by the stage at the later hours of the night, dancing out of time to the music on stage (but in time to the music in their heads) and trying not to trip over their right foot with their right foot*
The Hardcore Rockers "DIMMU!" *always wearing a band t-shirt. black naturally. (the colour of the t-shirt, not the skin) a couple chains here and there, a few piercings all over, maybe a spike or two. Complain there are no real metal bands anymore except AB and C, one of which must be playing the show (otherwise they'd be home playing their dimmu borgir cds backwards to get life advice)*
The Emos "sigh" *their life is meaningless and depressing. Their parents didn't let them get that puppy they wanted and earlier in the day their mom told them to turn the volume on their super-expensive radio down just a notch or two so that their almost completely deaf grandmother can hear the Price is Right. Life for the day was thus a tragedy and they must show it by wearing their hair 'just so' in front and wearing small jerseys of either bands or sayings. arm bands are a must. they usually lime together because misery loves company*
The Oldies "I remember the bands back in my day" *usually stand in the back of the room and take in the music. Coincidence? - the back of the room is also where the bar is usually located. Hearing these new bands makes them remember their younger days of banging out to Hendrix and The Who. Some of these contain the potential to become one of The Drunks*
...and there you have it. Well most of it. I know I've left some out but due to length (it is rather long) and tiredness (it is rather late/early) I declined to include them. Again, this is all based on personal experience, so take that as you may.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Trini-Standard English translations
I've been thinking. Again. Thoughts come faster than comic collectors during their first sexual experience. Or perhaps at the same speed. I wouldn't know for sure.
I use a bit of trini slang and phrases in my writing and typing. Some may not understand everything I say (again clinging to the assumption that maybe, in this great, big internet of ours, someone from another country will stumble across my blog) and will thus need some sort of translation. Even the blog title is inherently 'Trini'. As such I now leave a few links to trini dictionaries in order to de-confuffle my foreign visitors. (way to get ahead of yourself foots)
((can't believe I just referred to myself as foots))
http://www.trinidictionary.net/
http://www.afriqueonline.com/Pages/Trini/Trini20.html
that should be enough? yes, I think so.
'wha yuh go do' means 'what will you do' or 'what can you do'. It's usually said sarcastically to imply that there is nothing more that you can do, if anything at all. It's usually acceptance of the situation at hand
I use a bit of trini slang and phrases in my writing and typing. Some may not understand everything I say (again clinging to the assumption that maybe, in this great, big internet of ours, someone from another country will stumble across my blog) and will thus need some sort of translation. Even the blog title is inherently 'Trini'. As such I now leave a few links to trini dictionaries in order to de-confuffle my foreign visitors. (way to get ahead of yourself foots)
((can't believe I just referred to myself as foots))
http://www.trinidictionary.net/
http://www.afriqueonline.com/Pages/Trini/Trini20.html
that should be enough? yes, I think so.
'wha yuh go do' means 'what will you do' or 'what can you do'. It's usually said sarcastically to imply that there is nothing more that you can do, if anything at all. It's usually acceptance of the situation at hand
I have arrived. Hide your girl children.
I swore, perhaps two years ago, that I'd never do this. By 'this' I mean blog. Yet facebook notes have had a habit of reminding me, and others apparently, that I enjoy writing my thoughts. I've since come to the conclusion that, as I am bombarded by thoughts on a daily basis I might as well get them out somehow. Perhaps someone I don't know can take one of my thoughts, pass it off as their own and become famous. (Yes, my thoughts are that great) I'm not sure I have the stomach for fame. Ha, I jest! - I'm built for fame. Getting sidetracked though - blogging. Swore I'd never do it. This should teach me a lesson about swearing. Or at least about never saying never. Which I never do. fuck. So yes, here I am, my first blog well underway. Apparently blogs generally have a niche theme - politics, religion, intellectual hullabaloo and the like. My theme shall be.. my life.
I'm of the firm opinion that so many 'funny' things happen to me for a reason. Until now I've never quite understood the reason. Now I do - I must blog. I wish I could say I had a dream in which Ghandi came to me, holding the arc of the covenant and accompanied by a goat bearing a striking resemblance to Moses and said 'go forth and blog your thoughts and daily happenings and it shall bring entertainment to the masses' (which of course would be said in Hindi and I'd have a translator at my side because not even in my dreams will I ever understand Hindi). But I can't.
I am instead operating under the assumption that someone/s out there must have the same sense of humour as I do and will find my life events as funny as I do. Even if no one reads my blog (which, if I were a gambling man I'd put some money on) at least I'd have the outlet to look at my thoughts at particular points in time. Should be interesting to at least me. But then, why does anyone blog? I doubt I've come up with any novel reasons for it anyway but at least I can now remember, how many days/months/years/millennia down the road, why I chose to go back on my oath.
thus I take my first steps into blogging domain. Wha yuh go do?
I'm of the firm opinion that so many 'funny' things happen to me for a reason. Until now I've never quite understood the reason. Now I do - I must blog. I wish I could say I had a dream in which Ghandi came to me, holding the arc of the covenant and accompanied by a goat bearing a striking resemblance to Moses and said 'go forth and blog your thoughts and daily happenings and it shall bring entertainment to the masses' (which of course would be said in Hindi and I'd have a translator at my side because not even in my dreams will I ever understand Hindi). But I can't.
I am instead operating under the assumption that someone/s out there must have the same sense of humour as I do and will find my life events as funny as I do. Even if no one reads my blog (which, if I were a gambling man I'd put some money on) at least I'd have the outlet to look at my thoughts at particular points in time. Should be interesting to at least me. But then, why does anyone blog? I doubt I've come up with any novel reasons for it anyway but at least I can now remember, how many days/months/years/millennia down the road, why I chose to go back on my oath.
thus I take my first steps into blogging domain. Wha yuh go do?
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