People frustrate me. That should be an obvious statement right? but it needs repeating due to the level it can reach sometimes.
It's even more frustrating and annoying when the people I care about end up falling in the category entitled 'OMGGGWTFISWRONGWITHYOU!?!?'
but then I think.. aren't I (interjecting thought: americans really fucking stupid when it comes to grammar dred. why are 'spelt' and 'aren't' underlined by squiggly lines?!) like these frustrating people to others sometimes. Especially my friends who want to see me doing well, when I'm making the same mistakes over and over.. at least I learn from them relatively quickly, as I refuse to let myself become trapped in a cycle of negativity and filth.
Are we all just destined to mull around in our little lives making mistakes and frustrating others who can see the errors in our ways? you can't smell the shit if you're in it.
so we're just annoyances onto each other.. I'm surprised anyone who feels like me can maintain as many friendships as I do. (which isn't a lot per se). At least some people annoy me quite infrequently. These are the ones I've made my closer friends.. except a couple who just never seem to learn *sigh* so for those closer friends, thank you for not annoying me :)
One thing that has been really annoying me recently is certain persons' propensity for immaturely gossiping about what they don't know. And their seeming inability to truly grow. They'd like to think they're growing but they're really just jumping from branch to branch to branch only to realise all the branches are at the same level. I'm here trying to fking claw my way to the top, jack the and the beanstalk type shit (mickey mouse made it look easy) and these people are content to sit around chatting away, maybe even believing they want growth but never actually doing anything about it. They're still at the market limin on the corner with the malnourished cow, gossiping about whatever drama they can find. And let me tell you if you didn't know - cows only know one word.
So yea.. *cue abrupt ending...fade to black Soprano style.. (even though I rarely ever watched Sopranos and never saw the finale)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you
I wish people would understand that when I blog and mention them it's never intended to be a message TO them. I acknowledge the fact that you may one day read the post yes, but come on - don't be so egotistical or self absorbed. I blog my experiences, I post my thoughts and feelings. If you happen to be part of that then consider yourself lucky that you matter enough to me to include you in my day's events.
What gets to me is when people get upset when I've never even mentioned their names and the only people who would know I'm talking about them won't really care. I already can't say what I want to say or speak my true mind in the public sphere because I have to practice diplomacy. There's no *insert expletive here*ing way you're going to take my freedom to say what I want from me here so just deal with it.
oh yea, and fuck 'Rhondor Dowlath' and your officer friends.
oh snap son, that's right - I just said a name!
Journalism must be a tough, cutthroat business that pays shit if you have to find money on the side so.
ohhh shit! I just put a career as well!
go fuck yourself asshole.
btw you spelt 'where' as 'were' you typo-making, lack of fact-checking and devoid of all integrity piece of shit.
What gets to me is when people get upset when I've never even mentioned their names and the only people who would know I'm talking about them won't really care. I already can't say what I want to say or speak my true mind in the public sphere because I have to practice diplomacy. There's no *insert expletive here*ing way you're going to take my freedom to say what I want from me here so just deal with it.
oh yea, and fuck 'Rhondor Dowlath' and your officer friends.
oh snap son, that's right - I just said a name!
Journalism must be a tough, cutthroat business that pays shit if you have to find money on the side so.
ohhh shit! I just put a career as well!
go fuck yourself asshole.
btw you spelt 'where' as 'were' you typo-making, lack of fact-checking and devoid of all integrity piece of shit.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
ROBBED! FINALLY!
Sooo.. it finally happened to my family. We were robbed. Well.. the correct term would be larceny.. but when have you ever heard anyone say they were larcened? there's even a red squiggly line under larcened, telling me it's not an actual word.. so yes, for lack of squiggly lines, we were robbed.
in broad daylight.
while my mom was home, watching tv downstairs.
around quarter to, ten to three yesterday afternoon two well-to do young chaps decided to have a go at our most humble abode. They cut the barbed wire that runs the perimeter of our back wall (we live in a compound) and then monkey'd their way up our water pipes onto our roof, from which they neatly pulled out my mom's bathroom louvres and gained access to her room. From there they locked her bedroom door (thank God) and had their way with her room. They knew she was home - our back sliding door was open and mom was watching tv, on the phone and in the kitched cooking. Unless they thought 'holey fuck! this is one haunted house!' they knew SOMEONE was home..
so they took what they could.. which was quite a bit when you consider the time they had (about a half hour). My mom heard a thud at around half 3 but didn't go to investigate (thank God again). We actually have video footage of them breaking in due to some nifty video cameras set up next door. Not good enough to see faces I'm afraid though.
so anyway.. I finally start gym and in the middle of my cardio my friend comes in to interrupt me and tell me my family's been trying to get in touch with me, we've been robbed. I'm choosing to not believe this was meant I should not start gym and am just going with very poor turn of events. So I get home and it's about 7 and they've called the police already.. but the police never show up until minutes to 9. surprise surprise.
SURPRISE SURPRISE though! they officers were.. NICE! not even nice, they were friendly, helpful and polite as well! I want to believe these were some of the better, very decent officers we still have in the country. What happened after further supports this thought as well.
So the officers left, after spending about an hour by us, taking notes, helping us to write down the relevant info, watching the footage etc. It must have been about 10 by the time they left. I changed the lock to my front door (they stole house keys that were in my mom's handbag..which they stole as well, though I don't think it was to get the house keys) and had a couple sandwiches. By 12 I was online, doing my online thing when my mom calls my sister and I downstairs to tell us they caught one of the guys (already!) and recovered one of our passports and a few other things (all our passports were stolen).
two hours. it took the police two hours to follow up a lead (which I think they had while still by us) and arrest one of the guys (there were two of them). So that sent me to bed with some better news than I got while on the exercise bike a few hours prior.
two and a half more hours pass and I am awoken from sleep by my mom, who tells me that they found some other very, very dear things to us as well. Even better news.
Two more hours pass (I shit you not, it was two hour intervals) and it's 4a.m. I am yet again woken by my mom, who now tells me that the police came back to check on us, went to search in the back of us, found her handbag and purse and a couple other things, including the rest of our passports and she has to go identify them at the police station.
and this is why I am up now.. waiting for my mom's return so that my sister can sleep.
within 15 hours of the robbe..I mean larceny, within 6.5 hours of the police being called and within 2 hours of the police leaving our home an arrest was made and items retrieved.
which recalls my stolen car incident some years ago; I was spending some time by a friend's aunt's house in town somewhere and had parked my car outside the house. The car was stolen around 10a.m. (again, broad daylight). I only realised it stolen at 4p.m. Made the report and whatnot and got home around 8.
9 o'clock and I get a call from my former residence, telling me a police officer was looking for me concerning my car. I get the officer's number and call. It turns out they found my car at around12.30p.m. (lunchtime or thereabouts) that same day - 4 hours before I realised it was missing. How they found it?: car search was looking for a certain car that was stolen. They checked out a known stripping spot (no, not Villa or Rich Gold or that place in town), saw a car that LOOKED like their car (but wasn't) and then came across MY car being opened and searched through.. they ran the theives and called the police.
I got my car back the next day. What alerted the police to the owner of the car (at that time my name wasn't on the insurance) was some correspondance I had lying on the floor of the backseat with my name and address on it.
God is looking out for me and my family. And we've been fortunate enough to have experienced the better, DECENT, PROFESSIONAL side of our country's police force.
I pray something like this never happens to any of you but if it does, I hope no one is injured and only material possessions are taken. You can replace a ring, you can't replace a mom.
in broad daylight.
while my mom was home, watching tv downstairs.
around quarter to, ten to three yesterday afternoon two well-to do young chaps decided to have a go at our most humble abode. They cut the barbed wire that runs the perimeter of our back wall (we live in a compound) and then monkey'd their way up our water pipes onto our roof, from which they neatly pulled out my mom's bathroom louvres and gained access to her room. From there they locked her bedroom door (thank God) and had their way with her room. They knew she was home - our back sliding door was open and mom was watching tv, on the phone and in the kitched cooking. Unless they thought 'holey fuck! this is one haunted house!' they knew SOMEONE was home..
so they took what they could.. which was quite a bit when you consider the time they had (about a half hour). My mom heard a thud at around half 3 but didn't go to investigate (thank God again). We actually have video footage of them breaking in due to some nifty video cameras set up next door. Not good enough to see faces I'm afraid though.
so anyway.. I finally start gym and in the middle of my cardio my friend comes in to interrupt me and tell me my family's been trying to get in touch with me, we've been robbed. I'm choosing to not believe this was meant I should not start gym and am just going with very poor turn of events. So I get home and it's about 7 and they've called the police already.. but the police never show up until minutes to 9. surprise surprise.
SURPRISE SURPRISE though! they officers were.. NICE! not even nice, they were friendly, helpful and polite as well! I want to believe these were some of the better, very decent officers we still have in the country. What happened after further supports this thought as well.
So the officers left, after spending about an hour by us, taking notes, helping us to write down the relevant info, watching the footage etc. It must have been about 10 by the time they left. I changed the lock to my front door (they stole house keys that were in my mom's handbag..which they stole as well, though I don't think it was to get the house keys) and had a couple sandwiches. By 12 I was online, doing my online thing when my mom calls my sister and I downstairs to tell us they caught one of the guys (already!) and recovered one of our passports and a few other things (all our passports were stolen).
two hours. it took the police two hours to follow up a lead (which I think they had while still by us) and arrest one of the guys (there were two of them). So that sent me to bed with some better news than I got while on the exercise bike a few hours prior.
two and a half more hours pass and I am awoken from sleep by my mom, who tells me that they found some other very, very dear things to us as well. Even better news.
Two more hours pass (I shit you not, it was two hour intervals) and it's 4a.m. I am yet again woken by my mom, who now tells me that the police came back to check on us, went to search in the back of us, found her handbag and purse and a couple other things, including the rest of our passports and she has to go identify them at the police station.
and this is why I am up now.. waiting for my mom's return so that my sister can sleep.
within 15 hours of the robbe..I mean larceny, within 6.5 hours of the police being called and within 2 hours of the police leaving our home an arrest was made and items retrieved.
which recalls my stolen car incident some years ago; I was spending some time by a friend's aunt's house in town somewhere and had parked my car outside the house. The car was stolen around 10a.m. (again, broad daylight). I only realised it stolen at 4p.m. Made the report and whatnot and got home around 8.
9 o'clock and I get a call from my former residence, telling me a police officer was looking for me concerning my car. I get the officer's number and call. It turns out they found my car at around12.30p.m. (lunchtime or thereabouts) that same day - 4 hours before I realised it was missing. How they found it?: car search was looking for a certain car that was stolen. They checked out a known stripping spot (no, not Villa or Rich Gold or that place in town), saw a car that LOOKED like their car (but wasn't) and then came across MY car being opened and searched through.. they ran the theives and called the police.
I got my car back the next day. What alerted the police to the owner of the car (at that time my name wasn't on the insurance) was some correspondance I had lying on the floor of the backseat with my name and address on it.
God is looking out for me and my family. And we've been fortunate enough to have experienced the better, DECENT, PROFESSIONAL side of our country's police force.
I pray something like this never happens to any of you but if it does, I hope no one is injured and only material possessions are taken. You can replace a ring, you can't replace a mom.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The Price of Growing Up..
Is friendship.
There will inevitably be that/those friend/s who won't be able to match your growth and progressed thinking and life mentality. Inevitably.
It's a sad realisation but.. what yuh go do?
I miss a certain friend because he started thinking more maturely about life and such before most of the rest of us and I couldn't fully understand or appreciate what he told me before, but I do now. He's off in a foreign country for work but should be back for a couple days soon. Get back safely.
While he's been away, and this is not related or linked to him btw, I've made some advancements in the way I think about things/my life and the way I see people and situations. I really hope this isn't a phase and I go back to how I was before.. but even in saying it I have no fear of that happening cus it feels so.. solid. But anyway, so I've progressed in my thinking and behaviour. I honestly believe I have matured in my thinking and am able to approach life with a more*insert synonym for mature here* mindset, much like my friend did before me. While I'm very happy about this, it's made me evaluate some frienships/relationships I have right now. I get annoyed for things that would previously be fine - like friends being drunk and the way in which they carry on. I also see certain friends/peoples playing the same shitty social 'games' from before and I'm really not on that anymore. I am going to distance myself at least from the latter for sure. If it means cutting out certain people from my life then fine, so be it.. at least those people are not so important to my social well being that I will destruct without them.
you - you have the potential to be a strong person. To be happy and mature. But this company you're keeping again is dragging you down. This company can make you regress and lead to your being hurt more than you should be. Don't get caught up in that bullshit.
that's it for now.. falling asleep on myself
There will inevitably be that/those friend/s who won't be able to match your growth and progressed thinking and life mentality. Inevitably.
It's a sad realisation but.. what yuh go do?
I miss a certain friend because he started thinking more maturely about life and such before most of the rest of us and I couldn't fully understand or appreciate what he told me before, but I do now. He's off in a foreign country for work but should be back for a couple days soon. Get back safely.
While he's been away, and this is not related or linked to him btw, I've made some advancements in the way I think about things/my life and the way I see people and situations. I really hope this isn't a phase and I go back to how I was before.. but even in saying it I have no fear of that happening cus it feels so.. solid. But anyway, so I've progressed in my thinking and behaviour. I honestly believe I have matured in my thinking and am able to approach life with a more*insert synonym for mature here* mindset, much like my friend did before me. While I'm very happy about this, it's made me evaluate some frienships/relationships I have right now. I get annoyed for things that would previously be fine - like friends being drunk and the way in which they carry on. I also see certain friends/peoples playing the same shitty social 'games' from before and I'm really not on that anymore. I am going to distance myself at least from the latter for sure. If it means cutting out certain people from my life then fine, so be it.. at least those people are not so important to my social well being that I will destruct without them.
you - you have the potential to be a strong person. To be happy and mature. But this company you're keeping again is dragging you down. This company can make you regress and lead to your being hurt more than you should be. Don't get caught up in that bullshit.
that's it for now.. falling asleep on myself
Friday, October 3, 2008
Time Machine
Is this what it means or feels like to be in a time machine? I feel like I'm either in the future looking at the past or in the present looking at the past. It's very odd. It feels like I've progressed and am progressING and you're still the same, and/or not only the same but so set in the same thinking that you think I'm still the same and as such judge my actions to be the same as they were before when they're totally different now.
It's a weird feeling, looking at your past. There's some sense of pride knowing you've come this far and are better for it, a sense of loss in what you no longer have, a sense of sadness for those who have not been able to come this far as well and a bit of frustration in knowing YOU but your past knowing only past you and not present (or future for them) you.
I have no doubt you've changed and maybe even have grown. I just don't think you've grown much in relation to me and us and that saddens me.
At some point in life the games have to stop. I'm willing to be at that point, are you?
It's a weird feeling, looking at your past. There's some sense of pride knowing you've come this far and are better for it, a sense of loss in what you no longer have, a sense of sadness for those who have not been able to come this far as well and a bit of frustration in knowing YOU but your past knowing only past you and not present (or future for them) you.
I have no doubt you've changed and maybe even have grown. I just don't think you've grown much in relation to me and us and that saddens me.
At some point in life the games have to stop. I'm willing to be at that point, are you?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A Raw Creativity
Potential.. possibility..
I feel the potential for such creativity inside of me. I can feel it churning in me - in my torso. It feels like a hurricane.. trapped by the constraints of my abilities and CAPABILITIES.
Perhaps it's because I've been so surrounded by artists over the past two years that I feel like this, because it feels like that in nature.. it's not a musical feeling.. it's a visual feeling.
What I have inside of me does not want to be heard, it wants to be seen. It wants to lay siege to the world's eyes. It is arrogant and egotistical and self-righteous. It is vain and self-absorbed. It lives for its freedom. Its freedom from me. I feel it trapped there, tearing at my insides, yanking at the chains, yelling. screaming. cursing!
And I want so much to let it go, let it free and see what it becomes. But I don't have the tools. I don't have any raw materials nor do I think I have the capability right now to do this feeling justice. And yet... I have this feeling that given the right opportunity I can let this beast out and submit myself to it and have the outcome be very satisfying.. to me anyway, and at the end I suppose that's what really matters. The world being what it is I know someone out there will inevitably appreciate what I will do but I'm not doing this for anyone else. This feeling only exists to be free for itself; it doesn't care for anyone else's opinions.
Perhaps this is tied to my resurgence of anger-control issues. Anger issues in general. My temper has returned and worse than ever before now. I've gotten help with it and in an ironic twist, my awareness of the problem and triggers might just have made me even angrier.. except now I have knowledge of what will trip me. funny.. To tie this paragraph to the rest of this post - I think maybe this feeling I have in me is part raw, surging emotion, waiting to be converted to something tangible and released. Something like anger perhaps..
I have thought this might be something or somewhat like brooding poets and artists must have felt. So much emotion contained inside and no matter how much you do it's never enough to release it all.
maybe I should keep sharp objects away from my ears and drugs away from my nose and veins.
one day this feeling will be released and it will be beautiful, even if it's the ugliest thing in the world.
I feel the potential for such creativity inside of me. I can feel it churning in me - in my torso. It feels like a hurricane.. trapped by the constraints of my abilities and CAPABILITIES.
Perhaps it's because I've been so surrounded by artists over the past two years that I feel like this, because it feels like that in nature.. it's not a musical feeling.. it's a visual feeling.
What I have inside of me does not want to be heard, it wants to be seen. It wants to lay siege to the world's eyes. It is arrogant and egotistical and self-righteous. It is vain and self-absorbed. It lives for its freedom. Its freedom from me. I feel it trapped there, tearing at my insides, yanking at the chains, yelling. screaming. cursing!
And I want so much to let it go, let it free and see what it becomes. But I don't have the tools. I don't have any raw materials nor do I think I have the capability right now to do this feeling justice. And yet... I have this feeling that given the right opportunity I can let this beast out and submit myself to it and have the outcome be very satisfying.. to me anyway, and at the end I suppose that's what really matters. The world being what it is I know someone out there will inevitably appreciate what I will do but I'm not doing this for anyone else. This feeling only exists to be free for itself; it doesn't care for anyone else's opinions.
Perhaps this is tied to my resurgence of anger-control issues. Anger issues in general. My temper has returned and worse than ever before now. I've gotten help with it and in an ironic twist, my awareness of the problem and triggers might just have made me even angrier.. except now I have knowledge of what will trip me. funny.. To tie this paragraph to the rest of this post - I think maybe this feeling I have in me is part raw, surging emotion, waiting to be converted to something tangible and released. Something like anger perhaps..
I have thought this might be something or somewhat like brooding poets and artists must have felt. So much emotion contained inside and no matter how much you do it's never enough to release it all.
maybe I should keep sharp objects away from my ears and drugs away from my nose and veins.
one day this feeling will be released and it will be beautiful, even if it's the ugliest thing in the world.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Winamp list
just cus.. I dunno.. I'm bored and I'm feeling to post something here
Santogold - Creator
G Unit - I like the way she do it (ugh)
Lil Wayne - A Milli
10 years - division album
Duran Duran - Come Undone
Sara Bareilles - Love on the rocks
Paul McCartney - Hope and Deliverance
Annie Lennox - Love song for a vampire
Rick Ross - The Boss
Missy Elliot - Ching a Ling
Rick Ross ft. Flo-Rida - Street Money
Eurythmics - Talk to me like lovers do
Bright Eyes - Lover I don't have to love
Cold - Gone Away
Enigma - Sadness
Enya - Caribbean Blue
Enya - Only Time
Enya - Sail Away
Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed
Plumb - Damaged
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under the bridge
Seal - Kiss from a rose
Soundgarden - Petty Noose
U2 - Hold me, Thrill me..
Sting - Shape of my heart
The Guffs - Smile
Jem - Just a ride
The Von Bondies - Not that social
and yeepp.. that's about it.
maybe I should get some metal in there to be 'hardcore' lol
Santogold - Creator
G Unit - I like the way she do it (ugh)
Lil Wayne - A Milli
10 years - division album
Duran Duran - Come Undone
Sara Bareilles - Love on the rocks
Paul McCartney - Hope and Deliverance
Annie Lennox - Love song for a vampire
Rick Ross - The Boss
Missy Elliot - Ching a Ling
Rick Ross ft. Flo-Rida - Street Money
Eurythmics - Talk to me like lovers do
Bright Eyes - Lover I don't have to love
Cold - Gone Away
Enigma - Sadness
Enya - Caribbean Blue
Enya - Only Time
Enya - Sail Away
Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed
Plumb - Damaged
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under the bridge
Seal - Kiss from a rose
Soundgarden - Petty Noose
U2 - Hold me, Thrill me..
Sting - Shape of my heart
The Guffs - Smile
Jem - Just a ride
The Von Bondies - Not that social
and yeepp.. that's about it.
maybe I should get some metal in there to be 'hardcore' lol
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I'm wondering...
I'm wondering if my view towards things, my thoughts and my feelings pertaining to a specific situation or person is/are boosted by how third parties think I should or do think/feel about said situations/people. I wonder if I'm angrier at a particular situation because the person thinks I'm angry (if I have the right to be) or if I am persuaded to think less seriously about a situation because it's expected that I should.
hmm, I wonder...
maybe I just want to keep anger inside and poison myself slowly.
hmm, I wonder...
maybe I just want to keep anger inside and poison myself slowly.
A place for me
So I went to a party tonight where the majority of people were either white or indian. I felt out of place. Which sucked a good bit. I mean, who likes feeling out of place? not white or indian people, I can tell you that much.
so anyway, back to me feeling out of place. Yes.. I felt out of place. I wanted to wine and get on bad but the truth is I'm just a little too self conscious about that shit to do it *just so just so*, doh mind when I'm actually doing it I'm a big sket.. but that's another story(ies). So at one point I'm standing next to this black (the b should be captial, as I've seen in texts but I'm too lazy to hit *shift*) woman, who worked for the bar and I feel comfortable. I talk to the (black) bartenders and I feel comfortable. Now, the question here is, whether it was the bartenders' skin colour/culture or their occupation that made me feel comfortable with them. I say this because the party I was at was arguably a upper-middle - high class party.
So the Dj is spinnin his shit and I'm enjoying the music, doing the relevant dances once in a while but I never really enjoyed it like I do other times, because..oh right, did I mention? none of my friends were there with me. So I just do my few dances and then mellow with my alternating beer and water. In fact I over-hydrated myself and am now feeling to throw up because I didn't want to have both hands free and I was driving so each new drink could not have contained alcohol.
Back to me feeling out of place; the ironic thing is that if I go to a 'black' place such as a barber shop, black party etc I feel out of place cus I feel like I'm being judged by the colour of my skin. I feel like they're saying 'wtf is going on with this white boy!? how he feel he could get on so like us?! he feel he black or what!? steeeups' and I don't like that feeling either. So it's a lose-lose situation really, once my friends aren't there. Especially one friend who is not only black but also very personable.
btw, did I mention I'm a weee bit tight right now? I guess the alternating with water and beer didn't work as effecitvely as I had planned. Oh well, I'm home safe and that's the important thing.
so I really don't know where I fit.. I went to a club thursday night gone and had a really great time. I was dancing and getting on etc etc and being comfortable.. cus I was around people who were not only getting on like me but also didn't create a sense of 'wtf is that white boy doing' in me. The club was mixed btw. My club/comfort friend wasn't even there, but I was liming with some other black guys who were into the same music etc as I am.
I also realised once I doh have my winin ppls I doh like hearing soca in a club.
Fuck you machel montano.
back on track.. so I guess I'll continue evaluating how I feel while in different social situations to see where I feel I fit best.
P.S. memo to self: don't do tonight again.
live and learn.
so anyway, back to me feeling out of place. Yes.. I felt out of place. I wanted to wine and get on bad but the truth is I'm just a little too self conscious about that shit to do it *just so just so*, doh mind when I'm actually doing it I'm a big sket.. but that's another story(ies). So at one point I'm standing next to this black (the b should be captial, as I've seen in texts but I'm too lazy to hit *shift*) woman, who worked for the bar and I feel comfortable. I talk to the (black) bartenders and I feel comfortable. Now, the question here is, whether it was the bartenders' skin colour/culture or their occupation that made me feel comfortable with them. I say this because the party I was at was arguably a upper-middle - high class party.
So the Dj is spinnin his shit and I'm enjoying the music, doing the relevant dances once in a while but I never really enjoyed it like I do other times, because..oh right, did I mention? none of my friends were there with me. So I just do my few dances and then mellow with my alternating beer and water. In fact I over-hydrated myself and am now feeling to throw up because I didn't want to have both hands free and I was driving so each new drink could not have contained alcohol.
Back to me feeling out of place; the ironic thing is that if I go to a 'black' place such as a barber shop, black party etc I feel out of place cus I feel like I'm being judged by the colour of my skin. I feel like they're saying 'wtf is going on with this white boy!? how he feel he could get on so like us?! he feel he black or what!? steeeups' and I don't like that feeling either. So it's a lose-lose situation really, once my friends aren't there. Especially one friend who is not only black but also very personable.
btw, did I mention I'm a weee bit tight right now? I guess the alternating with water and beer didn't work as effecitvely as I had planned. Oh well, I'm home safe and that's the important thing.
so I really don't know where I fit.. I went to a club thursday night gone and had a really great time. I was dancing and getting on etc etc and being comfortable.. cus I was around people who were not only getting on like me but also didn't create a sense of 'wtf is that white boy doing' in me. The club was mixed btw. My club/comfort friend wasn't even there, but I was liming with some other black guys who were into the same music etc as I am.
I also realised once I doh have my winin ppls I doh like hearing soca in a club.
Fuck you machel montano.
back on track.. so I guess I'll continue evaluating how I feel while in different social situations to see where I feel I fit best.
P.S. memo to self: don't do tonight again.
live and learn.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
A saddening realisation
No.. not the fact that I'm too 'busy' to blog much anymore. Busy, being relative in technological-age terms, meaning I'm too busy thinking about other things and being focused on other aspects of my life to concentrate on typing out my thoughts here. That in itself is a bit saddening to me actually, now that I'm thinking about it, because I have a lot of thoughts that I wish I could log down here and I guess share with whoever would still be reading this thing. And yet either I lose the thought or get sidetracked.. much like I'm doing with this post.
so getting back to the original point, which has never actually started yet: I was dropping home my friends the other night, who are staying right off the highway. So I drop them home and head back out and while making the turn from their road to the highway, I see a woman standing on the side of the road with a cell phone to her ear, dressed in a nice black dress looking a bit stressed. Mind you this is about half 2/3 in the morning and the area isn't exactly the safest (I mean where is except for Goodwood Park?). So in my brief passing of her I actually slow down due to my contemplating stopping to see what was wrong with her. But then another emotion overrode the sympathy and compassion I felt for this woman - fear. What if she was just part of some robbery-waiting-to-happen? Some lure to get me to stop or slow down enough for the men hiding in the bushes right behind her to hijack my car.. ? what if she herself was the robber?
so I drove on. I continued on my way home, with her always in my mind even until I went to sleep. The sad realisation, if you haven't figured it out by now, is that the state of the country directly influenced what happened. (By state of the country I don't just mean the crime btw, I mean the reporting of the crime as well). Every day my senses are inundated with crime facts and figures, stories and rumours, overloading my capacity to cope with all this information. I've always been cautious but I've never been put in such a situation where I felt like that.
and the strange thing is the woman could very well have just been.. a stranded woman on the side of the road, put out by a hopefully-ex boyfriend and not have had a second thought about the guy in the wagon that just passed her. And yet she, and that 'situation' has remained with me very much til the day after and will prob continue to remain with me til.. who knows when.
I had one thought as I drove away from the woman, our lives not to be intertwined that night; "I hate this country"
so getting back to the original point, which has never actually started yet: I was dropping home my friends the other night, who are staying right off the highway. So I drop them home and head back out and while making the turn from their road to the highway, I see a woman standing on the side of the road with a cell phone to her ear, dressed in a nice black dress looking a bit stressed. Mind you this is about half 2/3 in the morning and the area isn't exactly the safest (I mean where is except for Goodwood Park?). So in my brief passing of her I actually slow down due to my contemplating stopping to see what was wrong with her. But then another emotion overrode the sympathy and compassion I felt for this woman - fear. What if she was just part of some robbery-waiting-to-happen? Some lure to get me to stop or slow down enough for the men hiding in the bushes right behind her to hijack my car.. ? what if she herself was the robber?
so I drove on. I continued on my way home, with her always in my mind even until I went to sleep. The sad realisation, if you haven't figured it out by now, is that the state of the country directly influenced what happened. (By state of the country I don't just mean the crime btw, I mean the reporting of the crime as well). Every day my senses are inundated with crime facts and figures, stories and rumours, overloading my capacity to cope with all this information. I've always been cautious but I've never been put in such a situation where I felt like that.
and the strange thing is the woman could very well have just been.. a stranded woman on the side of the road, put out by a hopefully-ex boyfriend and not have had a second thought about the guy in the wagon that just passed her. And yet she, and that 'situation' has remained with me very much til the day after and will prob continue to remain with me til.. who knows when.
I had one thought as I drove away from the woman, our lives not to be intertwined that night; "I hate this country"
Monday, April 14, 2008
SuperPharm Criminals
Patrons of SuperPharm Valpark BEWARE:
Yesterday (sunday 13th) I went to superpharm to buy a pack of pepper mango. It took me no more than 10 mins MAX (the real time was probably about 5 mins) to go in, find and get the mango, wait in line and then pay for it.
In this 10 mins my car was broken into and my glove compartment and between the-front-seats pocket (roughly) searched and my friend's work bag stolen.
I made the police reports etc and I've realised that this isn't an isolated incident. Both the St. Joseph police station and the Arima finger-print division have stated that this SuperPharm has been hit A LOT by these criminals, who leave no trace behind.. a broken lock was all the evidence of a break-in with my car. Police inability aside, they say these people are quick and know what they're doing.. as evidenced by my incident.. and leave nothing for the police to go on.
I went back to speak to SuperPharm people.. they said it hadn't happened in a while but used to, especially on the WESTERN SIDE OF THE CARPARK. Arima officer said that it's been happening right through..
Anyway, I noticed a camera that was located obliquely opposite to where my car was parked and asked about this. SuperPharm said that there is only one camera outside and it points down over their warehouse door, not over the carpark. The security that we always think/see outside in the carpark are apparently not for there and are supposed to be inside so there is realistically NO SECURITY for the carpark either. (hence the sign I suppose).
In any case it sounded as if Superpharm could really care less about what happens to their customers' property/cars while they're inside contributing to Mr. Rahal's fat pockets.
So please, be careful if you HAVE to go to this SuperPharm (Valsayn SuperPharm, across from Valpark). This has happened before and it will continue to happen as SuperPharm seems content to do nothing about the situation, simply stating that 'well there are the signs outside saying that SuperPharm isn't liable for loss or damage to cars'. Which means, no cameras, no security and no one to be liable for your car being broken into but you, for patronizing their establishment. There's a really nice pharmacy across in Valpark, I think I'll be continuing to go there from now on.
- Gerard
Yesterday (sunday 13th) I went to superpharm to buy a pack of pepper mango. It took me no more than 10 mins MAX (the real time was probably about 5 mins) to go in, find and get the mango, wait in line and then pay for it.
In this 10 mins my car was broken into and my glove compartment and between the-front-seats pocket (roughly) searched and my friend's work bag stolen.
I made the police reports etc and I've realised that this isn't an isolated incident. Both the St. Joseph police station and the Arima finger-print division have stated that this SuperPharm has been hit A LOT by these criminals, who leave no trace behind.. a broken lock was all the evidence of a break-in with my car. Police inability aside, they say these people are quick and know what they're doing.. as evidenced by my incident.. and leave nothing for the police to go on.
I went back to speak to SuperPharm people.. they said it hadn't happened in a while but used to, especially on the WESTERN SIDE OF THE CARPARK. Arima officer said that it's been happening right through..
Anyway, I noticed a camera that was located obliquely opposite to where my car was parked and asked about this. SuperPharm said that there is only one camera outside and it points down over their warehouse door, not over the carpark. The security that we always think/see outside in the carpark are apparently not for there and are supposed to be inside so there is realistically NO SECURITY for the carpark either. (hence the sign I suppose).
In any case it sounded as if Superpharm could really care less about what happens to their customers' property/cars while they're inside contributing to Mr. Rahal's fat pockets.
So please, be careful if you HAVE to go to this SuperPharm (Valsayn SuperPharm, across from Valpark). This has happened before and it will continue to happen as SuperPharm seems content to do nothing about the situation, simply stating that 'well there are the signs outside saying that SuperPharm isn't liable for loss or damage to cars'. Which means, no cameras, no security and no one to be liable for your car being broken into but you, for patronizing their establishment. There's a really nice pharmacy across in Valpark, I think I'll be continuing to go there from now on.
- Gerard
Sunday, March 16, 2008
My first HIV test
So I went for my first HIV test the other day, following on the heels of my first ever wisdom tooth extraction (or what was SUPPOSED to be my first..). This (HIV test) is something I've wanted to do since I started having sex and really since I was 21. This and cancer checks.. but yea, so I finally went to do one.
Went to Queens Park West to get it done and had a family member who had been there as well take me. So got there, got in really quickly, they took my info down and I had to wait a little while before they could take the blood. Got called about 10-15 mins later and had to go talk to a doctor/counsellor first so she could assess my risk factor and whatnot. I really, really enjoyed this talk. It was informative, casual, comfortable and she laughed at my jokes :P she seemed like a really lovely, easy-going person and made the questions seem less edgy and personal lol. So that lasted for about 10 mins then I went to actually have my blood taken.. this is where the fun happened.
This was my first time of my adult life(memory) that I had a needle in my arm for longer than it took to give an injection. So I told myself that I had to look at it happen, needed to see it happening for myself. The problem was that I thought it'd just be *stick needle in, pull up plunger, nice, free flowing blood quickly fills vial and done*. Ohhh no my friends, this was not to be the case;
the nurse cleaned the spot and stuck the needle in. This itself wasn't really painful, more just awkward. The unnerving part was that I didn't see her unwrap the needle that she used - instead I saw her take the whole assembly - needle + plunger part thing out from wherever and stick it in my arm. So I was a little nervous about this.. then things got really interesting.
So apparently I either have really oxygenated blood or the nurse just wanted to fuck around.. cus an air bubble soon came up into the vial.. prompting ms. nurse to push the plunger back down, forcing the flow of blood in my vein to reverse. Which btw, I could feel as plain as day. I felt the blood literally changing course in my vein.. this went a little beyond 'awkward'.. maybe 'unnatural' is the word I'd use. So the nurse doesn't only proceed to do this once, but does it probably another four or FIVE times. All I could think while she's pushing the blood back into my vein is this "FK! FK! The needle have aids on it!! SHE GIVING ME AIDS! I GETTING AIDSS!! OH G*D!! OH G*D!!" - so yes, perhaps I was a little delirious.
By the third time I started to get dizzy and faint. Did I mention that I didn't have any breakfast? well I didn't. Not one ass to eat that morning. So there I am starting to see spots and stars and fuzziness so I say, as best I could, to Ms. Nurse "umm.. I should probably say that I'm feeling a bit faint" and no sooner had I said this than my vision promptly disappeared and all I can think of is me passing out either in that room or outside in the waiting area and looking like the jackass noob who couldn't handle drawing blood..
So I alert Ms. Nurse to my current physiological situation to which she says "hold on, hold on" while still fucking pulling and pushing the blasted plunger in my vein. So I finally look away to the left, as I figured I couldn't see shit anyway and soon after I felt the needle gloriously be removed from my vein. A plaster was applied to stop any bleeding.. however no bleeding occurred.. perhaps because Ms. Nurse sent so much blood back the wrong way in my vein that it would be a while til the poor, traumatised blood vessels could work the courage up to venture past the spot where the needle was.
The doctor-counsellor I had before came right when Ms. Nurse was finished and saw my condition and asked if I were ok. All I could mumble to her was the word "faint". She said she'd get me some water and left to do so. While she was gone, Ms. Nurse is busy trying to push some alcohol soaked cloth up under my nose.. which wasn't making me better or worse, so I just pushed it away and said I'd be cool. Which I actually was very soon after. By the time doctor-counsellor came back with the water I could see and could stand etc. She said I looked as white as a ghost, I told her I was as white as a ghost before, she laughed and said I looked even whiter.. so I got up, threw the paper cup away and was finished with my first HIV test-giving blood scenario. Have to go back in a few weeks to collect results - wish me luck!
Went to Queens Park West to get it done and had a family member who had been there as well take me. So got there, got in really quickly, they took my info down and I had to wait a little while before they could take the blood. Got called about 10-15 mins later and had to go talk to a doctor/counsellor first so she could assess my risk factor and whatnot. I really, really enjoyed this talk. It was informative, casual, comfortable and she laughed at my jokes :P she seemed like a really lovely, easy-going person and made the questions seem less edgy and personal lol. So that lasted for about 10 mins then I went to actually have my blood taken.. this is where the fun happened.
This was my first time of my adult life(memory) that I had a needle in my arm for longer than it took to give an injection. So I told myself that I had to look at it happen, needed to see it happening for myself. The problem was that I thought it'd just be *stick needle in, pull up plunger, nice, free flowing blood quickly fills vial and done*. Ohhh no my friends, this was not to be the case;
the nurse cleaned the spot and stuck the needle in. This itself wasn't really painful, more just awkward. The unnerving part was that I didn't see her unwrap the needle that she used - instead I saw her take the whole assembly - needle + plunger part thing out from wherever and stick it in my arm. So I was a little nervous about this.. then things got really interesting.
So apparently I either have really oxygenated blood or the nurse just wanted to fuck around.. cus an air bubble soon came up into the vial.. prompting ms. nurse to push the plunger back down, forcing the flow of blood in my vein to reverse. Which btw, I could feel as plain as day. I felt the blood literally changing course in my vein.. this went a little beyond 'awkward'.. maybe 'unnatural' is the word I'd use. So the nurse doesn't only proceed to do this once, but does it probably another four or FIVE times. All I could think while she's pushing the blood back into my vein is this "FK! FK! The needle have aids on it!! SHE GIVING ME AIDS! I GETTING AIDSS!! OH G*D!! OH G*D!!" - so yes, perhaps I was a little delirious.
By the third time I started to get dizzy and faint. Did I mention that I didn't have any breakfast? well I didn't. Not one ass to eat that morning. So there I am starting to see spots and stars and fuzziness so I say, as best I could, to Ms. Nurse "umm.. I should probably say that I'm feeling a bit faint" and no sooner had I said this than my vision promptly disappeared and all I can think of is me passing out either in that room or outside in the waiting area and looking like the jackass noob who couldn't handle drawing blood..
So I alert Ms. Nurse to my current physiological situation to which she says "hold on, hold on" while still fucking pulling and pushing the blasted plunger in my vein. So I finally look away to the left, as I figured I couldn't see shit anyway and soon after I felt the needle gloriously be removed from my vein. A plaster was applied to stop any bleeding.. however no bleeding occurred.. perhaps because Ms. Nurse sent so much blood back the wrong way in my vein that it would be a while til the poor, traumatised blood vessels could work the courage up to venture past the spot where the needle was.
The doctor-counsellor I had before came right when Ms. Nurse was finished and saw my condition and asked if I were ok. All I could mumble to her was the word "faint". She said she'd get me some water and left to do so. While she was gone, Ms. Nurse is busy trying to push some alcohol soaked cloth up under my nose.. which wasn't making me better or worse, so I just pushed it away and said I'd be cool. Which I actually was very soon after. By the time doctor-counsellor came back with the water I could see and could stand etc. She said I looked as white as a ghost, I told her I was as white as a ghost before, she laughed and said I looked even whiter.. so I got up, threw the paper cup away and was finished with my first HIV test-giving blood scenario. Have to go back in a few weeks to collect results - wish me luck!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Annoying things.. and GOOD NEWS! :D
Annoying things:
Trinidad sending shit to Guyana to help them out - Anyone find this is sort of like someone whose family is in a shambles trying to give marital advice to someone else? or the owner of a house that's falling apart giving away his tenants' wood and bricks to another house... you see what I'm getting at? We can't fix our own shit, partly due to a lack of resources and we sending shit over to guyana.
Now I'm extremely sympathetic to the situation in Guyana and I do understand that we need to keep good ties and help those in need, but I kinda think that maaaybe we should fix our shit before we try to help anyone else fix theirs.
America's Best Dance Crew - I've been an avid follower of this show since it started. I love dancing in most of its forms, especially hip hop, break dancing etc. My favourite group on the show is Jabbawockeez. I also really like Kabba Modern and realised today that I really liked Live in Colour as well. Tonight they sent home Live n Colour in favour of the all-female group Fysh n Chicks. I strongly disagree with this move as I thought that overall Live n Colour has been a much better group than the f'in Fishies. Apart from that, I felt that Live n Colour really embraced and destroyed (in a good way) tonight's challenge, which the f'in Fishies failed to do so.. so I figure it's just for ratings that this happened and I'm once again reminded why I hate television shows like this. *sigh*
Was reading the papers about the boy that got stabbed in Success Laventille and the school was reported as saying that they have had an 'exemplary' standard of 'discipline' at the school. Now rumours and shit talk aside, I've a friend who works in the school and I hear the stories straight from the horse's mouth. My friend has been threatened by students more times than he can remember and has been in scuffles (against his will) with students on more than one occasion. It's just that these things don't make it to the papers.. which I understand, but still don't sit there and lie to the country when we know better about the discipline in your school. We aren't fools.. well I'm not at least.
Now for the good news:
I got my drum pedal fixed and drummed today for the first time in about a month. Finally used my ipod so I drummed along to favourite songs and what not :D and in the same day..
I GOT A JOB!! YAYY!!!! wait.. actually.. I GOT TWO JOBS!! YAYYYY!! (I'm in denial at how stressed from this shitload of work I'm going to be doing).
The first job is in UWI and is pretty exciting to me. I was actually enthusiastic about the job while hearing the job description during the interview..
The second job is co-hosting a new show that's going to be on a local television channel. I've always wanted to do something like this.. actually pretty much this.. so I'm pretty psyched about it. The only problem is the pilot shooting conflicts with the hours of the UWI job.. but I'm really hoping I can pull some strings and be able to go in a little later. We'll see how that goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Trinidad sending shit to Guyana to help them out - Anyone find this is sort of like someone whose family is in a shambles trying to give marital advice to someone else? or the owner of a house that's falling apart giving away his tenants' wood and bricks to another house... you see what I'm getting at? We can't fix our own shit, partly due to a lack of resources and we sending shit over to guyana.
Now I'm extremely sympathetic to the situation in Guyana and I do understand that we need to keep good ties and help those in need, but I kinda think that maaaybe we should fix our shit before we try to help anyone else fix theirs.
America's Best Dance Crew - I've been an avid follower of this show since it started. I love dancing in most of its forms, especially hip hop, break dancing etc. My favourite group on the show is Jabbawockeez. I also really like Kabba Modern and realised today that I really liked Live in Colour as well. Tonight they sent home Live n Colour in favour of the all-female group Fysh n Chicks. I strongly disagree with this move as I thought that overall Live n Colour has been a much better group than the f'in Fishies. Apart from that, I felt that Live n Colour really embraced and destroyed (in a good way) tonight's challenge, which the f'in Fishies failed to do so.. so I figure it's just for ratings that this happened and I'm once again reminded why I hate television shows like this. *sigh*
Was reading the papers about the boy that got stabbed in Success Laventille and the school was reported as saying that they have had an 'exemplary' standard of 'discipline' at the school. Now rumours and shit talk aside, I've a friend who works in the school and I hear the stories straight from the horse's mouth. My friend has been threatened by students more times than he can remember and has been in scuffles (against his will) with students on more than one occasion. It's just that these things don't make it to the papers.. which I understand, but still don't sit there and lie to the country when we know better about the discipline in your school. We aren't fools.. well I'm not at least.
Now for the good news:
I got my drum pedal fixed and drummed today for the first time in about a month. Finally used my ipod so I drummed along to favourite songs and what not :D and in the same day..
I GOT A JOB!! YAYY!!!! wait.. actually.. I GOT TWO JOBS!! YAYYYY!! (I'm in denial at how stressed from this shitload of work I'm going to be doing).
The first job is in UWI and is pretty exciting to me. I was actually enthusiastic about the job while hearing the job description during the interview..
The second job is co-hosting a new show that's going to be on a local television channel. I've always wanted to do something like this.. actually pretty much this.. so I'm pretty psyched about it. The only problem is the pilot shooting conflicts with the hours of the UWI job.. but I'm really hoping I can pull some strings and be able to go in a little later. We'll see how that goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I'm not dead
no, I'm very much alive.. just wanted to say that for anyone who cares. Just haven't been feeling particularly blog-y lately for some reason. I feel like I don't have much to write about.. guess that means I've been out of touch with things for a bit.
hey what the ass.. I'm actually blogging about something write now.. this very moment.. well look at that! funny how these things work out.
so yea, I've been out of touch with things for a bit.. haven't been taking on much things external to my personal life and a bit of that is a little TOO personal to write about. Apart from that I'm still currently trying to look for a job.. and trying to figure out what exactly happened to my drum beater cus it's not pulling back after it hits the beater. Need to get one of my drum friends to come check it out for me.
My band took first steps to sign to a new local label - OddSound Entertainment (not to be confused with OddOne Ent. which is a different company but same type of business (music label). We signed a pre-contract merchandising agreement with OddSound so we should be getting our own merch sometime soon! we may need a logo first tho.. ahhh the ever elusive logo that we haven't gotten as YET, after all these years *sigh*. We're getting our own.. get this.. condoms as well. Every band under the label gets their own type of Trojan condom. We get 'twisted pleasure', another band gets 'ultra-sensitive' and another band gets 'magnums'.. now which band you think got the short end of the straw with that one? lol. I feel so... inadequate
so that's that.. two shows are coming up on the same night. I'm pretty turned off by this especially since the promoters whose show was confirmed after the other show are supposed to be supporters of local rock music and bands. That's not support in my opinion. I've supported these promoters before and I'll support them after but I'm not joining them like I had a chance to. I've realised I'd rather be accountable only to myself and no one else.. I really am more of a loner than I previously realised. But yea.. even if I were playing with the second show I'd still be against it.. hell even if it were MY show I'd be against it and move the date (i know this because it's happened with me before).
Incidentally I AM playing for the first show to be confirmed on that date.. it's the label's debut show with the three bands signed to them. It's gonna be a concept show and sounds like it'll be pretty kickass.. which makes me even more angry that another show is happening the same night because I feel like that other show is robbing both these promoters and the people who won't attend of a great experience.
well we'll see how it goes.
I out.
hey what the ass.. I'm actually blogging about something write now.. this very moment.. well look at that! funny how these things work out.
so yea, I've been out of touch with things for a bit.. haven't been taking on much things external to my personal life and a bit of that is a little TOO personal to write about. Apart from that I'm still currently trying to look for a job.. and trying to figure out what exactly happened to my drum beater cus it's not pulling back after it hits the beater. Need to get one of my drum friends to come check it out for me.
My band took first steps to sign to a new local label - OddSound Entertainment (not to be confused with OddOne Ent. which is a different company but same type of business (music label). We signed a pre-contract merchandising agreement with OddSound so we should be getting our own merch sometime soon! we may need a logo first tho.. ahhh the ever elusive logo that we haven't gotten as YET, after all these years *sigh*. We're getting our own.. get this.. condoms as well. Every band under the label gets their own type of Trojan condom. We get 'twisted pleasure', another band gets 'ultra-sensitive' and another band gets 'magnums'.. now which band you think got the short end of the straw with that one? lol. I feel so... inadequate
so that's that.. two shows are coming up on the same night. I'm pretty turned off by this especially since the promoters whose show was confirmed after the other show are supposed to be supporters of local rock music and bands. That's not support in my opinion. I've supported these promoters before and I'll support them after but I'm not joining them like I had a chance to. I've realised I'd rather be accountable only to myself and no one else.. I really am more of a loner than I previously realised. But yea.. even if I were playing with the second show I'd still be against it.. hell even if it were MY show I'd be against it and move the date (i know this because it's happened with me before).
Incidentally I AM playing for the first show to be confirmed on that date.. it's the label's debut show with the three bands signed to them. It's gonna be a concept show and sounds like it'll be pretty kickass.. which makes me even more angry that another show is happening the same night because I feel like that other show is robbing both these promoters and the people who won't attend of a great experience.
well we'll see how it goes.
I out.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The way things are/ supposed to be
I just read a most thought-stirring post by Shivonne on facebook and before I knew it my reply was two comment-spaces long. I decided therefore that I should put it here as it reflects how I feel about some things.
Shivonne's original post: http://tahitian-sky.blogspot.com/2008/01/sham-of-public-consultation.html
entitled ' The Sham of Public Consultation'
(I ask that you read her post first as it's not only a good piece but makes my post make sense)
and my response was this:
I've been the same way you are for a while as well. Flinching every time someone says 'but how could they DO that?!' or 'that shouldn't be able to happen!' Obviously if it weren't able to happen we'd be having a different conversation right now.
if ISPATT is any indication, any steel mill in this country is certain death to the surrounding environment. I ask anyone wanting to see what this looks like to check out that area using google earth or some similar program.
maybe one day solidarity won't be a trend or passing phase with trinis. Someone from the EMA came to a lecture I was in once and spoke about the process one must go through to put up.. anything of that nature (as the steel mill).. but I can't exactly remember a lot of it.. and I spent most of the lecture thinking to myself that this woman could save a lot of breath if she just told us the truth that all you had to do was be in good with or pay off the right people and avoid all the hassle of forms and sight checks etc
Once you propose something to this government in a way that makes it seem like they stand to gain in some great (economic) way you get a free pass to do almost whatever you want; a red carpet made by the broken backs of the country's people.
Mind you, you don't actually have to kick back anything much to the government AFTER the fact, once they think you were going to do so before hand and you keep some specific people happy.
I always love it when one of the proposed advantages to these mills etc is 'there'll be lots of work for locals'. As if all fishermen were also engineers or technicians. As if farmers were just as comfortable working with machinery as they were with the land. It hearts my heart when I think about the futures of all these locals who will have their main(and only) source of income ripped away from them only to be given the PROSPECT of 'training' and a potential 'job'. What are they REALLY to do? it's just like you said Shiv - the way things are supposed to be and they way they really are.
Shivonne's original post: http://tahitian-sky.blogspot.com/2008/01/sham-of-public-consultation.html
entitled ' The Sham of Public Consultation'
(I ask that you read her post first as it's not only a good piece but makes my post make sense)
and my response was this:
I've been the same way you are for a while as well. Flinching every time someone says 'but how could they DO that?!' or 'that shouldn't be able to happen!' Obviously if it weren't able to happen we'd be having a different conversation right now.
if ISPATT is any indication, any steel mill in this country is certain death to the surrounding environment. I ask anyone wanting to see what this looks like to check out that area using google earth or some similar program.
maybe one day solidarity won't be a trend or passing phase with trinis. Someone from the EMA came to a lecture I was in once and spoke about the process one must go through to put up.. anything of that nature (as the steel mill).. but I can't exactly remember a lot of it.. and I spent most of the lecture thinking to myself that this woman could save a lot of breath if she just told us the truth that all you had to do was be in good with or pay off the right people and avoid all the hassle of forms and sight checks etc
Once you propose something to this government in a way that makes it seem like they stand to gain in some great (economic) way you get a free pass to do almost whatever you want; a red carpet made by the broken backs of the country's people.
Mind you, you don't actually have to kick back anything much to the government AFTER the fact, once they think you were going to do so before hand and you keep some specific people happy.
I always love it when one of the proposed advantages to these mills etc is 'there'll be lots of work for locals'. As if all fishermen were also engineers or technicians. As if farmers were just as comfortable working with machinery as they were with the land. It hearts my heart when I think about the futures of all these locals who will have their main(and only) source of income ripped away from them only to be given the PROSPECT of 'training' and a potential 'job'. What are they REALLY to do? it's just like you said Shiv - the way things are supposed to be and they way they really are.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Step out
I'd never seen people 'stepping' until I saw previews for movies like 'Stomp the Yard' and then saw stepping championships on tv etc. I never paid much mind to it really, often looking on with slight interest just because it was a dance form (and I love dance) that incorporated percussive elements (and I love percussions). However it just never grabbed me really.
Then I went to various local shows, one being a show in UWI held by foreign hall students (from other Caribbean islands) and saw (local) trinis stepping (and chanting, as is often a part of stepping). From the first moment I saw a group of trinis do this I got annoyed. I wasn't sure exactly why I was annoyed by this at first but now I realize it's because I feel like my people are once again emulating something from the states that we could more than do (and do better) on our own.
Not a single stepping group that I've seen have done anything different to the stepping I've seen in the U.S. We have neither tried to modify it or incorporate local elements into it. It's pure emulation (in my eyes). And this peeves me. I admire americans doing it for what it is.. some tricky hand and foot movements and group co-ordination. But come on.. trinis must be able to come up with something a lot better than this. Why are why copying this (I refrain from saying crap, though that's how I feel despite my respect for it) dance form?! It's shit like this that is robbing us of our international individuality, our creativity and passion for uniqueness.
Someone must come with the excuse that stepping has African roots etc. This is barely true. It's mostly an american-made dance form and if it WERE heavily reliant on African culture, there'd be a lot more rhythm, colour and better vocalization.
So I appeal to my trini steppers.. at the very least make stepping YOUR OWN. Do something different. Do not be content in the mediocrity of mimicry and emulation. Excel in your own right and bring something new to the table.
Step out of the foreign-made box you're in and step into an endless realm of possibility and originality.
Then I went to various local shows, one being a show in UWI held by foreign hall students (from other Caribbean islands) and saw (local) trinis stepping (and chanting, as is often a part of stepping). From the first moment I saw a group of trinis do this I got annoyed. I wasn't sure exactly why I was annoyed by this at first but now I realize it's because I feel like my people are once again emulating something from the states that we could more than do (and do better) on our own.
Not a single stepping group that I've seen have done anything different to the stepping I've seen in the U.S. We have neither tried to modify it or incorporate local elements into it. It's pure emulation (in my eyes). And this peeves me. I admire americans doing it for what it is.. some tricky hand and foot movements and group co-ordination. But come on.. trinis must be able to come up with something a lot better than this. Why are why copying this (I refrain from saying crap, though that's how I feel despite my respect for it) dance form?! It's shit like this that is robbing us of our international individuality, our creativity and passion for uniqueness.
Someone must come with the excuse that stepping has African roots etc. This is barely true. It's mostly an american-made dance form and if it WERE heavily reliant on African culture, there'd be a lot more rhythm, colour and better vocalization.
So I appeal to my trini steppers.. at the very least make stepping YOUR OWN. Do something different. Do not be content in the mediocrity of mimicry and emulation. Excel in your own right and bring something new to the table.
Step out of the foreign-made box you're in and step into an endless realm of possibility and originality.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Speaking of free education..
anyone else have a problem with people who vote/support the PNM BECAUSE they gave them/us tertiary education? Mind you I love the fact that I didn't have to pay tuition for my final year, but sorry - the proper governance of my country and some thousands saved NOW don't quite equate each other for me. This is perhaps because I could have afforded to pay for my tertiary education and I'm sure the story would be different for someone who previously could not have. For those who are like me however, and could afford their tertiary education and still support the PNM because of this; see facebook groups like 'Ah real sorry but PNM pay for my education' http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=9355336351 I say shame on you. You just get free tertiary education, you supposed to be at least a little intelligent. At least there are those in the group who see the truth for what it is and are not afraid to speak out.
Gas brains
IF the government DOES reduce the subsidy on gasoline in the country would the majority of motorists really notice? Let's say they did it one day and there were no press releases, no articles, no alerts would john motorist realize? I ask this due to the nature of the way us motorists purchase gas. Do we even bother to regard the price per litre that we're paying? Or do we just say 'yea 60 dollars please'? Obviously it's the latter so I'm really wondering if the price of gas went up if general populace would notice/care if they weren't alerted to it being a 'big deal'. I could hear it already "dred, ah find this $60 not doing what it used to in meh tank. The tank probably holdin more now, ah should put ah extra $10"
or "thaz $60?! but the thing barely reach half tank!... oh well.." *drives off*
this is based on a reduction in the subsidy and not complete removal mind you as THAT would definitely be noticeable and as my mom and others have said - there'd probably be riots. But then this country's been heading to riots for some time now so perhaps that'll just bring it on one time. We could riot about everything one time. One big mass riot for a whole week.. and then people will get fed up, go home, bend over and take it like they/we used to. Especially after the government gives them some other equivalent to free education. Legalizing marijuana perhaps.
or "thaz $60?! but the thing barely reach half tank!... oh well.." *drives off*
this is based on a reduction in the subsidy and not complete removal mind you as THAT would definitely be noticeable and as my mom and others have said - there'd probably be riots. But then this country's been heading to riots for some time now so perhaps that'll just bring it on one time. We could riot about everything one time. One big mass riot for a whole week.. and then people will get fed up, go home, bend over and take it like they/we used to. Especially after the government gives them some other equivalent to free education. Legalizing marijuana perhaps.
April Carnival?
Those who care about carnival, and even some who don't should know by now that there is being discussion as to whether our beloved Carnival should hold a set date (which is being proposed as the last weekend in April). The main reason for this change is economic of course, as fete promoters/owners, mas camps etc are arguing that with this year's very early carnival they didn't get ample time to prepare.
Without really contemplating the matter I thought initially 'hey, a fixed carnival mightn't be that bad. Especially in April, when people could gear up more for it etc'. I also thought that this had the very high potential to severely rob Carnival of it's 'Monday and Tuesday' excitement. After reading other person's thoughts though I must agree that the change is bullshit. They even published a list of dates for carnival for the next 5-10 years along with the first article I read about it. As one person rightly stated - they know the dates already!!! it's their own fault for not being able to plan on time for carnival! Typical trini slackness reigns supreme.
This move will serve to further sever the link between traditional carnival and what carnival is really supposed to stand for and what carnival is today (over produced, commercialized excitement at the right price). Thus I stand by my fellow true carnival lovers against the economic-driven higher-ups. Carnival IS Monday and Tuesday. It isn't just a big two-day fete in the road although that's exactly what it has now come to. In this case we must move backward instead of forward. Backward into tradition. I'd much rather play traditional mas and take on the character of a Midnight Robber than... 'Amalthea'. What am I supposed to do in a white costume that resembles nothing I'm familiar with? Drink and lime and wine.. and that's exactly why things are the way they are now.. the cycle that's getting rid of all traces of tradition.
Without really contemplating the matter I thought initially 'hey, a fixed carnival mightn't be that bad. Especially in April, when people could gear up more for it etc'. I also thought that this had the very high potential to severely rob Carnival of it's 'Monday and Tuesday' excitement. After reading other person's thoughts though I must agree that the change is bullshit. They even published a list of dates for carnival for the next 5-10 years along with the first article I read about it. As one person rightly stated - they know the dates already!!! it's their own fault for not being able to plan on time for carnival! Typical trini slackness reigns supreme.
This move will serve to further sever the link between traditional carnival and what carnival is really supposed to stand for and what carnival is today (over produced, commercialized excitement at the right price). Thus I stand by my fellow true carnival lovers against the economic-driven higher-ups. Carnival IS Monday and Tuesday. It isn't just a big two-day fete in the road although that's exactly what it has now come to. In this case we must move backward instead of forward. Backward into tradition. I'd much rather play traditional mas and take on the character of a Midnight Robber than... 'Amalthea'. What am I supposed to do in a white costume that resembles nothing I'm familiar with? Drink and lime and wine.. and that's exactly why things are the way they are now.. the cycle that's getting rid of all traces of tradition.
Blazin d Jumbie
Perhaps it's my love of music in general that has spurned this disgust and animosity towards Machel Montano's road march contender 'Blazin The Trail'. I think too, that it's my strong sense of fairness and justice with regards to all matters of life that has me feeling like this. Lost? Go try to get copies of Blazin The Trail and Jumbie by Mr. Montano. Then listen to them back to back. It may not be clear to you how alike the two songs are until the chorus of Blazin The Trail begins with 'Blaze it! Blaze it up!' but for sure anyone with two ears and a properly functioning auditory system will hear that it's the same thing.
Now I could have been wrong about this before. Maybe I was hearing what I wanted to hear.
However any doubt as to the close similarity between these two songs ended when I saw Machel live at Ladies First and he opened with Jumbie, then went right into Blazing The Trail then proceeded to jump directly from a verse of Blazin the Trail into 'Jumbie! Jumbie Dem!'. AND HE BOLDFACE WITH IT TOO!! that sealed it for me. I got pissed and couldn't appreciate much else after that.
If it weren't a roadmarch contender AND Jumbie hadn't won last year I'd probably not be this angry. However that IS the case and thus I am. Some may say 'well it's just soca you know'. So what? soca isn't music at the end of the day? Just because it's often generic rhythms with generic lyrics with almost no substance whatsoever to them doesn't get it past the fact that this is music that I enjoy. As such I'd like not to be insulted by artistes, ESPECIALLY one of the most popular soca artistes ever, in this manner. Like I've told anyone who would listen to my ranting - if Machel wins this year it's politics. If he does indeed win roadmarch with Blazing the Trail this year I'm really lockin off roadmarch and all related competitions and really not taking this thing (soca) seriously again.
Now I'd just like to say that by itself I don't actually mind Blazing The Trail.. I like Jumbie so of course I must like Blazing The Trail. I can't listen to it without hearing the glaring similarity though so I choose not to listen whenever it's on (i'll change the station, track etc).
Please stop insulting your fans (a group to which I do not belong) and the general public. First you refused to admit the obvious sampling of Enya's Caribbean Blue and now this.. it's disgusting.
and for those who care, I'm backing Faye-Anne for roadmarch with 'Get On'. Even though she's using the same beat etc from her 2007 song 'Make A Stage', she wasn't a contender for road march, as I felt she should be - so I'm glad people are finally realising the potential she has. Goodluck Ms. Lyons!
Now I could have been wrong about this before. Maybe I was hearing what I wanted to hear.
However any doubt as to the close similarity between these two songs ended when I saw Machel live at Ladies First and he opened with Jumbie, then went right into Blazing The Trail then proceeded to jump directly from a verse of Blazin the Trail into 'Jumbie! Jumbie Dem!'. AND HE BOLDFACE WITH IT TOO!! that sealed it for me. I got pissed and couldn't appreciate much else after that.
If it weren't a roadmarch contender AND Jumbie hadn't won last year I'd probably not be this angry. However that IS the case and thus I am. Some may say 'well it's just soca you know'. So what? soca isn't music at the end of the day? Just because it's often generic rhythms with generic lyrics with almost no substance whatsoever to them doesn't get it past the fact that this is music that I enjoy. As such I'd like not to be insulted by artistes, ESPECIALLY one of the most popular soca artistes ever, in this manner. Like I've told anyone who would listen to my ranting - if Machel wins this year it's politics. If he does indeed win roadmarch with Blazing the Trail this year I'm really lockin off roadmarch and all related competitions and really not taking this thing (soca) seriously again.
Now I'd just like to say that by itself I don't actually mind Blazing The Trail.. I like Jumbie so of course I must like Blazing The Trail. I can't listen to it without hearing the glaring similarity though so I choose not to listen whenever it's on (i'll change the station, track etc).
Please stop insulting your fans (a group to which I do not belong) and the general public. First you refused to admit the obvious sampling of Enya's Caribbean Blue and now this.. it's disgusting.
and for those who care, I'm backing Faye-Anne for roadmarch with 'Get On'. Even though she's using the same beat etc from her 2007 song 'Make A Stage', she wasn't a contender for road march, as I felt she should be - so I'm glad people are finally realising the potential she has. Goodluck Ms. Lyons!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Soca in meh vein..
I love carnival. I could understand how and why some/a lot of people don't though. I think it's a little ignorant of some people to say 'I doh understand how people could NOT like carnival!' but I've heard that a few times.
I've been enjoying the season so far and I like a lot of the soca for this year. I think it's better than last year's and making up for the shit we've been getting for the past few years. Altho in some ways it is still lacking.
Went to one fete so far.. Ladies First. Typical Zen scene - long lines, VIP was shit(so I heard), Dj spun the same things over and over etc.
Gape was LIIVEEEE tho!! reaal bess girls! didn't pick up tho :(
met some real cool people however, so that made up. Was a good lime, with one or two.. or three crappy moments. Saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while so overall it was good. Made me want to go to more and more fetes but I'm only probably going to one more - Euphoria, which is a staple fete for my friends and I now. This will be the third year we're going to it. and of course there's carnival monday and tuesday.. niceness!!
I've been enjoying the season so far and I like a lot of the soca for this year. I think it's better than last year's and making up for the shit we've been getting for the past few years. Altho in some ways it is still lacking.
Went to one fete so far.. Ladies First. Typical Zen scene - long lines, VIP was shit(so I heard), Dj spun the same things over and over etc.
Gape was LIIVEEEE tho!! reaal bess girls! didn't pick up tho :(
met some real cool people however, so that made up. Was a good lime, with one or two.. or three crappy moments. Saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while so overall it was good. Made me want to go to more and more fetes but I'm only probably going to one more - Euphoria, which is a staple fete for my friends and I now. This will be the third year we're going to it. and of course there's carnival monday and tuesday.. niceness!!
Moral Devolution vs. Numerical Progression
for some reason I felt like putting this up. It's something I wrote a couple years ago but is more than relevant today still.
Moral Devolution vs. Numerical Progression
Everything, everyone is gone
Lost within their own selfish thoughts
Seeds of hate blossom in their minds
Gone are kind notions, prejudice is born.
Humanity fighting for the right to be called inhumane
Ethically slammed backwards while moving forward into a new age
Computers replace morals and violence reigns
Individuals strive for creativity but are labelled obscene
Murder is art when art is murder
Censorship in more forms than expression itself
Everyone fighting to be heard over each other
But not bothering to hear the noise they make.
The tide washes away all innocence
Corruption spreads from politician to child
It's cold fingers dig into the souls of the most pure
And we are left wondering why
Freedom is oppressed and rights are denied
Guilty walk free while the innocent cry
Euphoria found in endless chemical supply
To do nothing is to sit and watch us die.
Peace is an island where no man can go
Paradise lost in the devil's hold
Face the reality, witness humanity and its slow demise
We kill ourselves just to survive.
...cake?
by: me.
Moral Devolution vs. Numerical Progression
Everything, everyone is gone
Lost within their own selfish thoughts
Seeds of hate blossom in their minds
Gone are kind notions, prejudice is born.
Humanity fighting for the right to be called inhumane
Ethically slammed backwards while moving forward into a new age
Computers replace morals and violence reigns
Individuals strive for creativity but are labelled obscene
Murder is art when art is murder
Censorship in more forms than expression itself
Everyone fighting to be heard over each other
But not bothering to hear the noise they make.
The tide washes away all innocence
Corruption spreads from politician to child
It's cold fingers dig into the souls of the most pure
And we are left wondering why
Freedom is oppressed and rights are denied
Guilty walk free while the innocent cry
Euphoria found in endless chemical supply
To do nothing is to sit and watch us die.
Peace is an island where no man can go
Paradise lost in the devil's hold
Face the reality, witness humanity and its slow demise
We kill ourselves just to survive.
...cake?
by: me.
Happiness and responsibility
At what point do you sacrifice your happiness for your responsibility? If you knew you had the potential to obtain something that made you really happy but had existing responsibilities that operated in conflict with such a thing what would you do?
I couldn't answer this.. hopefully I never find myself in such a scenario
I couldn't answer this.. hopefully I never find myself in such a scenario
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Racist jokes
I make quite a good bit of racist-themed and stereotyping jokes. They've apparently become a frequently-used tool in my arsenal of jokes. I don't know why I enjoy them so much; playing off of ignorant people's generalized perceptions of particular races/ethnicities/sexualities..
the thing is when I hear comedians making racist jokes e.g. "you white ppl etc etc" or "you black ppl etc etc" I always groan and wonder why these people have to continuously use these kinds of jokes. Yet I perpetuate them myself.
One of my best friends is black as well and he's usually at the receiving end of many of my jokes. As well as my indian friends. (I don't have any close white friends sadly.. I say sadly because I wish I did so I could balance the jokes out). I end up feeling bad after I reflect on the jokes though and always think that I should cut down or stop altogether. I definitely am going to try to cut down because I may slip up and say something around the wrong people some day. Not everyone can appreciate the humour like my friends can.
'Black'(afro-trinis I've heard someone use) people and friend chicken/liquor, rap culture etc
Indian people, especially girls and common-law behaviour. Making curry for their husbands while they cut cane, shot puncheon like water and beat their wives, forcing them to leave and subsequently drinking gramaxone
White people and a seemingly genetic inability to lack rhythm, innate need to oppress everyone else
Jews and killing Jesus
Catholic priests and molesting little boys
Muslims and terrorism
and the list goes on.. I need to sit down and analyze why it is I find these jokes so funny at the times I make them (because if someone said them seriously I'd be offended and tell them something). I'm an advocate for blending of class and race divisions; of there being only one true 'race' and that of the 'human race' (sounds cheesy but I've read anthropologicial and psychological evidence that supports this theory) and yet I still make these jokes that divide and separate these people. Why? And I'm not afraid that I really am racist underneath it all and the jokes are ways for me to express these socially-negative feelings because in serious situations, I'd be offended by racism and the like. I've witnessed a 'dougla' man stand up in a QuikShoppe and cuss and carry on about 'them damn nigger people' (I can't even type that word without feeling a weird chill in my body) and how his mother was dougla and hated black people as well. All I wanted to do was to cuss him out and roll but I didn't want to make a bigger scene so I just walked out quietly. I love my dark-skinned brothers and sisters. I love my brown-skinned brothers and sisters. I love my hindu and muslim brothers and sisters. I love my catholic and jewish brothers and sisters.. and yet I poke fun at them all. Well I'll cut down anyway and hopefully figure out what about the jokes amuses me.
new thought.. perhaps I used my humour as a way of dealing with real world ignorance of these issues. As in, I use the jokes to mock real-world ignorance of my comedic subjects to show my dislike and disdain for serious belief in these phenomena... such as americans as their typecasting of the muslim terrorist. hmm.. perhaps
the thing is when I hear comedians making racist jokes e.g. "you white ppl etc etc" or "you black ppl etc etc" I always groan and wonder why these people have to continuously use these kinds of jokes. Yet I perpetuate them myself.
One of my best friends is black as well and he's usually at the receiving end of many of my jokes. As well as my indian friends. (I don't have any close white friends sadly.. I say sadly because I wish I did so I could balance the jokes out). I end up feeling bad after I reflect on the jokes though and always think that I should cut down or stop altogether. I definitely am going to try to cut down because I may slip up and say something around the wrong people some day. Not everyone can appreciate the humour like my friends can.
'Black'(afro-trinis I've heard someone use) people and friend chicken/liquor, rap culture etc
Indian people, especially girls and common-law behaviour. Making curry for their husbands while they cut cane, shot puncheon like water and beat their wives, forcing them to leave and subsequently drinking gramaxone
White people and a seemingly genetic inability to lack rhythm, innate need to oppress everyone else
Jews and killing Jesus
Catholic priests and molesting little boys
Muslims and terrorism
and the list goes on.. I need to sit down and analyze why it is I find these jokes so funny at the times I make them (because if someone said them seriously I'd be offended and tell them something). I'm an advocate for blending of class and race divisions; of there being only one true 'race' and that of the 'human race' (sounds cheesy but I've read anthropologicial and psychological evidence that supports this theory) and yet I still make these jokes that divide and separate these people. Why? And I'm not afraid that I really am racist underneath it all and the jokes are ways for me to express these socially-negative feelings because in serious situations, I'd be offended by racism and the like. I've witnessed a 'dougla' man stand up in a QuikShoppe and cuss and carry on about 'them damn nigger people' (I can't even type that word without feeling a weird chill in my body) and how his mother was dougla and hated black people as well. All I wanted to do was to cuss him out and roll but I didn't want to make a bigger scene so I just walked out quietly. I love my dark-skinned brothers and sisters. I love my brown-skinned brothers and sisters. I love my hindu and muslim brothers and sisters. I love my catholic and jewish brothers and sisters.. and yet I poke fun at them all. Well I'll cut down anyway and hopefully figure out what about the jokes amuses me.
new thought.. perhaps I used my humour as a way of dealing with real world ignorance of these issues. As in, I use the jokes to mock real-world ignorance of my comedic subjects to show my dislike and disdain for serious belief in these phenomena... such as americans as their typecasting of the muslim terrorist. hmm.. perhaps
24 Hrs not enough
I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day for me to do what I want. Especially when I get a proper 8-4 (plus traffic, so that's me not reaching home til 7 at least) I'll be extremely out of time to do anything I'd like. This includes drumming, playing guitar, reading, playing ps2 or wii, cycling and watching movies. I dunno what to do about this but I hope I figure it out soon. Viekievie seems to have some helpful things to say maybe they'll have some advice for this too :p (thanks for the advice thus far btw)
I've thought about scheduling things but I really don't want my life scheduled out like that.. but perhaps I can at least plan out certain things.. hmm
I've thought about scheduling things but I really don't want my life scheduled out like that.. but perhaps I can at least plan out certain things.. hmm
Monday, January 14, 2008
Updated reflection on crime and my own crime plan
I've a friend who stands firm that the majority of murders and kidnappings are drug and gang related.
I've had discussions with my mom and my aunt about what is the real cause of the crime situation in the country, as well as what can be done to effectively combat it.
I've constantly read news reports, especially one two-page article from this past weekend's Guardian about gang-related violence and the police force having proper knowledge about the gangs, their members/(community) leaders and whereabouts.
I've read headlines that screamed at me: "KNOWN KIDNAPPER FOUND DEAD'
I've heard the rumours and the talks about known criminals being released and the forewarnings of a rise of crime in certain areas and activities related to these criminals. What a coincidence actually that the same day I was recently warned about a quite known criminal being released I also heard that a friend's drug-using/dealing neighbour was kidnapped.
and I know I'm not the only one. So what is really happening to this country?
*oh geeze, ANOTHER crime-related blog*
yea, sorry.. but it's constant material and needs to be dealt with.
I understand that in some cases police don't have concrete evidence to arrest these known kidnappers and criminals. I also understand that even if the police did have this evidence, the same police would tip off the criminals and they'd escape once again into the seemingly bottomless underworld of this country. In fact, I know someone who was kidnapped and tortured by members of a security firm/police force.
So let's see.. the government is corrupt, the police force is corrupt and citizens are seemingly blind. It seems the only people who are genuine are the bandits themselves. I can trust a criminal to rob me of my wallet, I can't trust a politician to intelligently and effectively operate their post. So on the one hand I have to be on guard for a man(and now women as well) with a knife or gun walking up to me and ALSO on guard for a politician walking up to me armed with a smile and a portfolio of promises. It's a pickle of a position to be in, especially when you can't count on nor trust the forces created to protect you against these things - the police force and integrity commission.
What then, can be a possible solution/s to these problems? We've heard the new crime plan that has turned out to be nothing more than recycled speeches and doomed-to-fail ideas.
Do you battle crime from a top-down approach (strengthening your police force) or a bottom-up approach (combating the source of crime - drugs/gangs/guns etc) or what I like to call the human factor - developing a proper social system, primarily targeting homes and schools.
Well apparently the top-down approach seems to be favoured by this government and we can see what a lovely job that's done so far. More cars! more police patrols!.. speaking of which, you know what's really funny? that you can read one newspaper and on one page read an article talking about crime plans and how we've gotten so many new vehicles for the police force in the past and then on the next page read a story about someone who was robbed and couldn't be attended to by police because they 'had no car'. Comedians couldn't write this stuff!
It is my opinion, like everything else in this blog (is), that the government has jerked us around for the past how-many-ever years with their crime plans. They can't be really taking this as seriously as they should. And if they are, with the full weight/gravity of the situation bearing on them while they create these crime plans, I have to seriously question the intelligence of our leaders. Crime in this country has gotten way past the point where anything contained in any crime plan I have read will be any sort of effective.
my CRIME PLAN:
A combination of strategies is the only solution I see that can be anywhere near likely to making a dent in crime. Strategies that I named before - top, middle, down. Total reformation of the police force. Background and in-depth in-house investigations. Do we have an equivalent to the U.S. Dept. of Internal Affairs? Not just an increase in police numbers, but in police technology. Americans are flame throwers to us, only just having discovered fire. You mean we can't even get a proper DNA forensic team together? For all the psychologists we have in this country you'd think SOMEONE would clue in our legal system that eyewitness testimony isn't exactly the most valid and precise way of obtaining evidence. I have heard of ONE case of police actually dusting for finger prints at a crime scene out of the many, many stories I've heard of crime scenes. But what good are fingerprints anyway if you don't catch the criminal? this brings us back to technology.. I find it extremely difficult to comprehend that we don't have a proper computerized criminal database in this country. Halo and CoD fanboys can whip up a 20 party LAN in a matter of minutes, play WOW with millions of other people and our police force still use pens and notepaper. It's abacus v. laptops man.
Increased numbers of police officers won't mean shit if they can't make. Psychological testing should be mandatory, not just as a requirement to become an officer but also during the course of an officer's career. Training should be modernized to incorporate updated procedures and exercises.
More on this in further posts.. moving on to bottom-up.
Drugs. Come on guys, Trinidad is NOT that big of a country. In fact, it's quite tiny. It's inconceivable that our police force has such a poor rate of successful drug raids and seizures. And hey! guess what's NOT a novel occurrence - kidnappings post drug shipment seizures and related incidents! as my friend says - they hadda get back their money somehow. A sociologist infiltrated quite a bit of the drug trade in this country years ago. It's not impossible to do again. Sometimes you have to let one big fish go to find lots of fish that will eventually lead you to bigger fish(plural of course). Infiltration of drug hierarchies for the purpose of information gathering would be done. Again more on this in later posts.
Middle - as stated before we need strategies to combat the escalating youth movement to a criminal lifestyle. The younger you get them is the more years we going to have of the problem. I heard schools used to have trips to prisons but they were stopped by the parents for being too 'coarse' or something like that.. raiiighht.
anyway dred, I hadda stop it here.. i'll continue later. It's 6.14 and I need sleep. Happy Birthday Nadya!!
to be cont'd...
I've had discussions with my mom and my aunt about what is the real cause of the crime situation in the country, as well as what can be done to effectively combat it.
I've constantly read news reports, especially one two-page article from this past weekend's Guardian about gang-related violence and the police force having proper knowledge about the gangs, their members/(community) leaders and whereabouts.
I've read headlines that screamed at me: "KNOWN KIDNAPPER FOUND DEAD'
I've heard the rumours and the talks about known criminals being released and the forewarnings of a rise of crime in certain areas and activities related to these criminals. What a coincidence actually that the same day I was recently warned about a quite known criminal being released I also heard that a friend's drug-using/dealing neighbour was kidnapped.
and I know I'm not the only one. So what is really happening to this country?
*oh geeze, ANOTHER crime-related blog*
yea, sorry.. but it's constant material and needs to be dealt with.
I understand that in some cases police don't have concrete evidence to arrest these known kidnappers and criminals. I also understand that even if the police did have this evidence, the same police would tip off the criminals and they'd escape once again into the seemingly bottomless underworld of this country. In fact, I know someone who was kidnapped and tortured by members of a security firm/police force.
So let's see.. the government is corrupt, the police force is corrupt and citizens are seemingly blind. It seems the only people who are genuine are the bandits themselves. I can trust a criminal to rob me of my wallet, I can't trust a politician to intelligently and effectively operate their post. So on the one hand I have to be on guard for a man(and now women as well) with a knife or gun walking up to me and ALSO on guard for a politician walking up to me armed with a smile and a portfolio of promises. It's a pickle of a position to be in, especially when you can't count on nor trust the forces created to protect you against these things - the police force and integrity commission.
What then, can be a possible solution/s to these problems? We've heard the new crime plan that has turned out to be nothing more than recycled speeches and doomed-to-fail ideas.
Do you battle crime from a top-down approach (strengthening your police force) or a bottom-up approach (combating the source of crime - drugs/gangs/guns etc) or what I like to call the human factor - developing a proper social system, primarily targeting homes and schools.
Well apparently the top-down approach seems to be favoured by this government and we can see what a lovely job that's done so far. More cars! more police patrols!.. speaking of which, you know what's really funny? that you can read one newspaper and on one page read an article talking about crime plans and how we've gotten so many new vehicles for the police force in the past and then on the next page read a story about someone who was robbed and couldn't be attended to by police because they 'had no car'. Comedians couldn't write this stuff!
It is my opinion, like everything else in this blog (is), that the government has jerked us around for the past how-many-ever years with their crime plans. They can't be really taking this as seriously as they should. And if they are, with the full weight/gravity of the situation bearing on them while they create these crime plans, I have to seriously question the intelligence of our leaders. Crime in this country has gotten way past the point where anything contained in any crime plan I have read will be any sort of effective.
my CRIME PLAN:
A combination of strategies is the only solution I see that can be anywhere near likely to making a dent in crime. Strategies that I named before - top, middle, down. Total reformation of the police force. Background and in-depth in-house investigations. Do we have an equivalent to the U.S. Dept. of Internal Affairs? Not just an increase in police numbers, but in police technology. Americans are flame throwers to us, only just having discovered fire. You mean we can't even get a proper DNA forensic team together? For all the psychologists we have in this country you'd think SOMEONE would clue in our legal system that eyewitness testimony isn't exactly the most valid and precise way of obtaining evidence. I have heard of ONE case of police actually dusting for finger prints at a crime scene out of the many, many stories I've heard of crime scenes. But what good are fingerprints anyway if you don't catch the criminal? this brings us back to technology.. I find it extremely difficult to comprehend that we don't have a proper computerized criminal database in this country. Halo and CoD fanboys can whip up a 20 party LAN in a matter of minutes, play WOW with millions of other people and our police force still use pens and notepaper. It's abacus v. laptops man.
Increased numbers of police officers won't mean shit if they can't make. Psychological testing should be mandatory, not just as a requirement to become an officer but also during the course of an officer's career. Training should be modernized to incorporate updated procedures and exercises.
More on this in further posts.. moving on to bottom-up.
Drugs. Come on guys, Trinidad is NOT that big of a country. In fact, it's quite tiny. It's inconceivable that our police force has such a poor rate of successful drug raids and seizures. And hey! guess what's NOT a novel occurrence - kidnappings post drug shipment seizures and related incidents! as my friend says - they hadda get back their money somehow. A sociologist infiltrated quite a bit of the drug trade in this country years ago. It's not impossible to do again. Sometimes you have to let one big fish go to find lots of fish that will eventually lead you to bigger fish(plural of course). Infiltration of drug hierarchies for the purpose of information gathering would be done. Again more on this in later posts.
Middle - as stated before we need strategies to combat the escalating youth movement to a criminal lifestyle. The younger you get them is the more years we going to have of the problem. I heard schools used to have trips to prisons but they were stopped by the parents for being too 'coarse' or something like that.. raiiighht.
anyway dred, I hadda stop it here.. i'll continue later. It's 6.14 and I need sleep. Happy Birthday Nadya!!
to be cont'd...
Wanted: Good, HONEST mechanic
You know what really pissed me off about mechanics (the ones I have dealt with anyway)? the fact that you carry your car in to have a certain problem fixed and then you get that done, leave and then within the following week some new 'random' problem develops. I've had to endure this time and time again with one particular mechanic shop, whose owner was a family friend. Now I'm not insinuating that the owner had anything to do with the crap that happened, but I'm pretty sure his workers were responsible. Since the last time, over a year ago, I got really, really fed up and decided just to go to Laughlin and DeGannes for whatever general automotive repair I needed.
But apparently Laughlin and DeGannes don't do transmissions. Neither does MasterServ.
Isn't Laughlin's motto 'yes we do that' ? cus I coulda sworn that their marketing strategy is that they do anything you could want done on your car from a wash to engine overhaul. Yet transmissions seem to fall out of their realm of automotive repair skill.. does anyone else see something wrong with this? I mean, if it were something selective, only found in a few cars like cruise control or something that rarely goes wrong, like.. well nothing escapes that, so yea.. I'd understand. A transmission, on the other hand, is found in/on every single car in existence today.. and yet Laughlin 'doesn't do that' ? bah!
so anyway, all that aside, I had transmission problems and had to take it to a transmission specialist. They made me return twice (meaning I was there a total of three times before any work was done on my car). That aside, they were nice and helpful.. now because of my former mechanic issues I don't trust mechanics as far as I can throw them.. and I'm not THAT strong. So when mr. transmission specialist called to say they found iron fillings in my transmission box etc I wasn't at all surprised.. I mean yea, that's probably wear and tear but still, my surprise was at a bare minimum. I told them to fix the problem at hand (speed sensor it was thought) and I'll return at a later date to deal with the rest. Car returned to me, the problem I was previously having hasn't reoccurred but now the transmission feels weird - it keeps delaying going into a higher gear and then takes a while to get back into lower gears.. so I'll tune it up and see what happens.
but anyway the point of all this is this: I have friends who are currently on their way to becoming doctors (I actually have some friends who ARE doctors), lawyers, dentists, psychologists etc etc.. so later in life I'll have a good network of contacts for those areas. Yet I have NOTHING in place for that staple of life - my car. I have no friends who are training to become mechanics etc. So this is an appeal to you, my friends, at least ONE of you - to become a mechanic. Come nuh.. pleasse? do it for me.. my car always f'in up so you'll def get work from me. I need a mechanic I can trust and one who will take the time to explain things I don't understand to me without making me instantly distrust them.
and the search continues..
But apparently Laughlin and DeGannes don't do transmissions. Neither does MasterServ.
Isn't Laughlin's motto 'yes we do that' ? cus I coulda sworn that their marketing strategy is that they do anything you could want done on your car from a wash to engine overhaul. Yet transmissions seem to fall out of their realm of automotive repair skill.. does anyone else see something wrong with this? I mean, if it were something selective, only found in a few cars like cruise control or something that rarely goes wrong, like.. well nothing escapes that, so yea.. I'd understand. A transmission, on the other hand, is found in/on every single car in existence today.. and yet Laughlin 'doesn't do that' ? bah!
so anyway, all that aside, I had transmission problems and had to take it to a transmission specialist. They made me return twice (meaning I was there a total of three times before any work was done on my car). That aside, they were nice and helpful.. now because of my former mechanic issues I don't trust mechanics as far as I can throw them.. and I'm not THAT strong. So when mr. transmission specialist called to say they found iron fillings in my transmission box etc I wasn't at all surprised.. I mean yea, that's probably wear and tear but still, my surprise was at a bare minimum. I told them to fix the problem at hand (speed sensor it was thought) and I'll return at a later date to deal with the rest. Car returned to me, the problem I was previously having hasn't reoccurred but now the transmission feels weird - it keeps delaying going into a higher gear and then takes a while to get back into lower gears.. so I'll tune it up and see what happens.
but anyway the point of all this is this: I have friends who are currently on their way to becoming doctors (I actually have some friends who ARE doctors), lawyers, dentists, psychologists etc etc.. so later in life I'll have a good network of contacts for those areas. Yet I have NOTHING in place for that staple of life - my car. I have no friends who are training to become mechanics etc. So this is an appeal to you, my friends, at least ONE of you - to become a mechanic. Come nuh.. pleasse? do it for me.. my car always f'in up so you'll def get work from me. I need a mechanic I can trust and one who will take the time to explain things I don't understand to me without making me instantly distrust them.
and the search continues..
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Year..
I'm changing whether it's a new year or not. Changing some of my thinking, some of my behaviour, some of my personality. All with the aim of becoming a (in my opinion) better person. Someone who I can be proud to say I am - someone who I'm happy being.
Ryan's death put a few things into perspective for me, the main thing being that a long life is not promised. (sorry if this sounds familiar) As such I've started taking steps internally (my thinking) to change how I do certain things and how I approach different situations and circumstances. For example, I think that if I died tomorrow I don't want my mom to just be happy that I used to kiss her bye every time I left the house regardless of if we were on good terms or not. I'd want her to know I was finally at least trying to strengthen and build my relationship with her and not think that I was comfortable and satisfied with how things were.
Related to this somewhat is my home life. My room's clean periods are always limited. The dishes, although definitely not as badly as before, still tend to pile up sometimes. These are things my mom is always after me about and I rarely take her on(especially about my room). I'd like to change this. I think doing things like this.. at least trying to tidy up the mess I sleep in once a week, doing the dishes immediately, washing my car once a month(and I AM quite proud of the car when I do wash it..) will help me to become that much more mature. Children leave a mess, men clean it up.
I've also realized I definitely need to SERIOUSLY consider what I'd like to do my masters in and where, along with the fact that I should do the GRE exam. No procrastination this time, I started checking out the GRE website today and have been trying to work out a timetable for myself. Now I just have to start researching masters programs.. jahhh
Relationships.. have a few that need to be dealt with a little better, which I've already started working on. One in particular definitely needs a little adjusting as contemplation upon it has yielded some interesting realizations.
Jobwise.. need to sort that out and get something concrete in place. Can't be floundering around.
Hobbywise - football, music, reading. My three main interests. I've started practicing drums more often, I'm trying to organize at least a weekly football scene and I've started reading one of the four or five books I bought recently for myself.
a Psychology Today issue contained a most interesting and relevant article (to me) recently. It was a short article about relationships. Actually it was a letter sent in to the magazine by a man with some relationship issues similar to mine. So I've actually gotten some advice in that department and I feel better.. lighter.. about it
so yes.. I'm changing regardless of it being a new year or not. It just happens to be the new year while all of this self assessment and 'upgrading' is going on. 2008 isn't ANOTHER YEAR for me.. it's the continuation of my life. One day at a time with the future in mind until I die.
2008 is a label I won't subscribe to, it will not govern the way I do things. It's just a digit change in the date. 2008 is not going to bring new things. Life will bring new things and some of them, perhaps proving to be miniscule in the grand scheme of things, will just happen to occur within the time period we mark off as being '2008'. The only difference between today and yesterday is that you're one day closer to finality. There hasn't been a grand change in things, it's just another day with a slightly new face. A stranger that you think looks a little familiar like you've perhaps seen them before. Embrace life, embrace change, embrace the future and the now whether it's 2008 or not, but since we're all calling life '2008' for the next 364 days, embrace 2008.
Ryan's death put a few things into perspective for me, the main thing being that a long life is not promised. (sorry if this sounds familiar) As such I've started taking steps internally (my thinking) to change how I do certain things and how I approach different situations and circumstances. For example, I think that if I died tomorrow I don't want my mom to just be happy that I used to kiss her bye every time I left the house regardless of if we were on good terms or not. I'd want her to know I was finally at least trying to strengthen and build my relationship with her and not think that I was comfortable and satisfied with how things were.
Related to this somewhat is my home life. My room's clean periods are always limited. The dishes, although definitely not as badly as before, still tend to pile up sometimes. These are things my mom is always after me about and I rarely take her on(especially about my room). I'd like to change this. I think doing things like this.. at least trying to tidy up the mess I sleep in once a week, doing the dishes immediately, washing my car once a month(and I AM quite proud of the car when I do wash it..) will help me to become that much more mature. Children leave a mess, men clean it up.
I've also realized I definitely need to SERIOUSLY consider what I'd like to do my masters in and where, along with the fact that I should do the GRE exam. No procrastination this time, I started checking out the GRE website today and have been trying to work out a timetable for myself. Now I just have to start researching masters programs.. jahhh
Relationships.. have a few that need to be dealt with a little better, which I've already started working on. One in particular definitely needs a little adjusting as contemplation upon it has yielded some interesting realizations.
Jobwise.. need to sort that out and get something concrete in place. Can't be floundering around.
Hobbywise - football, music, reading. My three main interests. I've started practicing drums more often, I'm trying to organize at least a weekly football scene and I've started reading one of the four or five books I bought recently for myself.
a Psychology Today issue contained a most interesting and relevant article (to me) recently. It was a short article about relationships. Actually it was a letter sent in to the magazine by a man with some relationship issues similar to mine. So I've actually gotten some advice in that department and I feel better.. lighter.. about it
so yes.. I'm changing regardless of it being a new year or not. It just happens to be the new year while all of this self assessment and 'upgrading' is going on. 2008 isn't ANOTHER YEAR for me.. it's the continuation of my life. One day at a time with the future in mind until I die.
2008 is a label I won't subscribe to, it will not govern the way I do things. It's just a digit change in the date. 2008 is not going to bring new things. Life will bring new things and some of them, perhaps proving to be miniscule in the grand scheme of things, will just happen to occur within the time period we mark off as being '2008'. The only difference between today and yesterday is that you're one day closer to finality. There hasn't been a grand change in things, it's just another day with a slightly new face. A stranger that you think looks a little familiar like you've perhaps seen them before. Embrace life, embrace change, embrace the future and the now whether it's 2008 or not, but since we're all calling life '2008' for the next 364 days, embrace 2008.
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