Death and the harsh reality

A guy I knew died yesterday in a car crash. I didn't know him well but he was one of those people my blood took to one time from the first time I met him. That was a year ago. Ever since then I'd see him pretty often at UWI and would always hail him out, go shit talk a five and whatnot. I hadn't seen him a while and then he was at a small but sectioned lime I went to night before and I didn't even make him out.. I feel pretty badly about that now, not because he's gone but because I didn't realize he was there. Even if he were alive today I'd feel the same way.

This post isn't about that though.. it's about death. Death seems all the more painful and tragic when it's around times like these.. Christmas time especially and specifically. But that's human perspective of course, but why wouldn't it be.. we're all at the very least.. human. Death doesn't stop for the holidays. It doesn't wait til the warmth has passed and we go back to the everyday grind. It's constant and ever-present. Always around.

Also, no matter how great of a person you are, if you're doing something dangerous and stupid, you're liable to face the obvious consequences. My partner was speeding. On a length of road that's particularly curvy. And his steering was giving trouble. He was a great guy, but his death was his own fault and that's a harsh reality. His best friend was also killed in the crash so he took his friend's life as well. Because of speeding.

so that's the bitter truth.. we all take for granted the fact that we are here one moment and can be gone the next. Out in the blink of an eye. We go about our existence so generally oblivious to what could happen and treat people as such as well. We hold grudges and hate. We keep secrets and hold off on setting things straight.. we assume there's going to be a tomorrow when in reality that's brazen and arrogant of us to do so. Hence the phrase 'tomorrow please God'.. tomorrow if it pleases God.. because only by God's grace is there a tomorrow and none of us knows God's will. This death, more than any other, perhaps because I saw him the night before, has solidified in me the importance of today and the here and now. Reality is harsh but you can operate within it and use it for your better good. Or perhaps just learn to cope with it.

So to my partner, I hope you are resting in peace; in a better place than I am in right now. You will be missed and your memory will live on. I hope your death will influence at least one person to live their life in a better way than yesterday.

to his friends, family and loved ones my deepest and most sincere condolences. I am incredibly sorry for your loss and my prayers and heart go out to each of you. He was great in life, he will be great in death.

CHRISTmas?

so we're almost to that lovely day full of warmth and cheer and happiness and love etc etc etc.. no, not the anniversary of the day you lost your virginity.. I'm talking about Christmas. Celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Over the years I've realised I have a few issues with this time of the year though, and these issues/the realization have never been more apparent to me than this year.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm pro-celebration of Jesus' birth, so it's nothing to do with that occurrence. Rather it's the fact that people love to take advantage of this time of the year for whatever reason they can think of. And I'm not just talking about commercialism either. I'm grouping those who categorise this time of year as 'the season of giving' into it as well - those people who do all they can to get all the support and donations they can accommodate and give to the poor/charities/homeless etc. But wait foots, isn't that a GOOD thing? well yes, it is.. these people are so much less fortunate than most of us and need all the help they can get. My disagreement lies with the fact that these so-called good samaritans, these christmas-saints, these good-willing donaters do absolutely nothing for the rest of the year to help these less fortunate persons.

January - November these 'samritans' go about their lives as normal without any regard to the persons who will suddenly find so much help during December. Then parang hits the airwaves, decorations start to go up and lo and behold! it's time to consider the less fortunate. Here's a thought: perhaps if you considered the less fortunate throughout the whole year you wouldn't have to spend as much time, energy and funds at the end of the year to help them (because they'd be in a generally better position than on the average year).

Related to this incident is the people who use this 'season of giving' to ask for donations and help. They're in the malls, by the entrances and walking about inside. They're on the roadside, by the grocery.. I have mixed feelings on this. Yes I admit to this time of year being quite influential on the average person's will to give/donate and as such it only makes sense to use this to your advantage.. but this still doesn't sit quite right with me. You're taking advantage of the season. And yes what better way there is to celebrate the birth of our Lord and saviour than by giving to the poor etc.. but how am I to make sure my money is getting to the poor? and the fact is that most people do not think about Jesus when they give to these people asking for money. They're simply at the mercy of their environment and are thus coerced into giving. A lot of the time it's guilt as well. And this shouldn't be the case.

Then there are the beggars (I feel bad using this term btw) who suddenly come out at this time and sit by the door to groceries etc. What are these people doing the rest of the year? Where do they sit between the months of January and November? they prey upon your seasonal mood and guilt to give the hand-outs.. and for what? I'm not following them to find out so I don't know. What about the beggars who are on the roadside every month of the year asking for money/food etc? I'm thinking they should get preference at this time of the year. If I had the urge to give money to someone I've never seen sitting outside TruValue, I'd take whatever I was going to give him and give it to the tall man who walks the road to go back to the highway from UWI there, or the indian man who is there as well. Or one of the squeegie boys who, annoying as they may be, are still there the rest of the year and not only there when they think they'll have the most opportunity to get something.

There's an ad on the radio that plays on 94.1 *THE BOOM CHAMPIONS!!!* and really really annoys/irritates me every time I hear it. It's for sports and games and it's a song-ad with some guys singing to the tune of 'Jingle Bells' "Jingle Bells.. Christmas really stunk, I got nothing that I like, my gifts were all just junnnnk!" WTF?! you know why your Christmas stunk? because you're so focused on getting gifts that you forgot about the truth behind the season. And yes, I know this is an ad but still.. ughh.. that ad represents all that is now wrong with this time of the year.

And another thing: I understand that December 25th is the acceptable and recognized date for the recognition of the birth of Jesus, but why can't we celebrate this at other times during the year? why not have this in our hearts and minds the whole year through? I'd say my New Years' resolution would be to do that but then I'd be subscribing to another tradition that I have some faults with, so I'll just start from today.. and everyday be thankful for what Jesus did for me and thus for his birth.

apart from this I do love the season though. Ham, turkey, pastelles, sorrel... yummmmy! the warmth inside you get when you really feel the meaning of Christmas. The decorations, the lights, the parang, the festivity.. it's always nice to be festive. But we must not forget that without Christ we'd not have this in the first place.. so big up to THE 'man' J.C.!! *fist-to-chest thump*

so thus wraps up my Christmas blog.. well I might end up doing another before/right after so perhaps this won't be the only one. Til next time.. Christmastime! *mini christmas tree begins to get bigger* CHRISTMASTIME! *and bigger* CHRISTMASTIME!! HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *extends to full length and glows with coloured blinking lights and decorations*

^ if you don't get that reference then you're square man. (while the rest of us are shapeless masses of potential that can become anything we want)

A Dream I Just Woke From

I had a thought recently that maybe I'm an atheist who's too much of a pussy to be an atheist. i.e. I'm in fear that I may be wrong and when the time comes I'll pay for my mistake.

Then I thought a little more but eventually didn't bother about that thought anymore. Now, after my dream I consider this a slap in the face of everything I believe to be a sign of THE higher power in my life. From little things to blatant, obvious things. From strange things like my beloved 626 being stolen and being found and returned to a police station before I even know it went missing to the existence of the super-natural and my experiences with it. I may be laughed at by some but I hold these things very dear to me.

My dream, I don't think was overly symbolic. Perhaps it was purely psychological but even so, or rather especially so (from a certain standpoint) I should take notice of it. I dreamt I was back in my old house with family and friends. It was a worldwide special day.. like Christmas, except it was a tradition where you light candles and go to a mass or something or the other along those lines. So everyone(neighbours etc) were lighting their candles and going(walking) to some church that was close-by. I didn't want to go and I was kinda annoyed that I was being made to go by my parents so instead of carrying a cd player or something to tune out, I used my phone. I plugged in my phone's headset and was playing/blasting Necrophagist from it.

Walking down the road, one of my best friends had to leave to go pick someone else up. Right after this happened (in the dream) I suddenly had a book in my hand and the scene shifted to a few of us being in my house, which wasn't my true old house but it was supposed to be. The book had some symbols and markings on the front and my mom told me don't touch that book it's evil. I figured she was just saying that crap because I was listening to metal etc etc. Scene shifted back again to the road I was on before, and my mom screaming at me (a bit fearfully at this time) to get rid of the book. I screamed at her (a little hesitant and unsure) that she was being dumb and I threw the book at this hot girl who was in front of me. This is where the dream gets.. odd

The book was either grabbed by the girl's hands or started levitating in front of the girl. I realized quickly that this really wasn't an ordinary book. I kinda started yelling at the girl to get rid of the book but then a voice screamed that it was going to possess her.. which it promptly did. Four witches/demon chicks possessed the girl. I felt like it was my fault this happened (doi) so I tried to get the demons out by lay-exorcism (lol!). I held the girl/demon combination and tried to say the our father prayer. It did not work too well. In between the prayer I kept having thoughts of having sex with the girl. I tried again.. same result. I started feeling like this wasn't going to end well.. for anyone. I didn't want to say the Hail Mary because someone I respect for their belief and spiritual wisdom once said something along the lines that 'Mary has no power to listen to prayer etc. She is not divine, she was a human.' and as such said person didn't believe praying to her.

At that point in the dream however, I felt like I was quickly approaching that 'shit out of luck' moment so I tried it. And it started working. One Hail Mary after another and the erotic thoughts subsided and it looked and felt as though I was doing some damage. I threw in some personal, on the spot made up prayer to draw power from the almighty and after a while I managed to get the job done. Girl was saved, day was saved hooray, hoorah.

Things were a little shaky after that then the scene changed back to the house and I was in it with what was supposed to be my family and a friend or brother. There was a really bad storm and we had no windows for some reason so all the breeze was coming inside and was really strong. There was thunder and lightning - the whole shebang. I felt/heard a voice saying 'this is what happens to you when you love your God!' and I replied that if this storm was the work of my God then I would be safe. Unfortunately the storm proved to be the work of some far more sinister force. Things quickly escalated and the friend/brother almost got sucked out a door and people were hysterical blah blah blah. I think the witches/demon chicks came back. I fought them off again however and it stuck this time.

Things returned to normal and sunny etc and the dream ended soon after with me telling someone that 'I don't need to wear my love of God as a badge on my sleeve, I have it in my heart."

That concluded my dream and I woke up. I didn't even intend to write this blog but it just sort of happened. I guess cus a friend asked how come I haven't written anything in a while and I figured you don't need anything in particular to write about in a blog such as this, so.. why not


But in writing this blog things hit/occurred to me from my dream that weren't immediately clear to me at first. As such I'm thankful that I did write this post. Those things that became clear are:

well the obvious one: I don't need to wear my love of God as a badge on my sleeve, I have it in my heart. This is quite powerful to me.


then there's this: Buildings and organizations calling themselves 'the church' or 'a church' may be corrupt/ed but the true church of God, of Jesus Christ cannot be tainted. It is a place where true believers, true faith holders gather. - this is also important to me cus I've bashed the church generally for quite some time. I've made tons of jokes to my catholic best friend about pedophile priests and the like, as well as some other more negative stuff. I lumped everything into 'the church' and said they were hypocrites and liars, self-righteous and corrupt. Truth is.. I still think they are, but now I've learnt the difference between man's church and God's church.


to follow up: The traditions of man may have been started in good faith or in bad but this matters not when matched against the traditions of your personal faith and belief - Christmas may be taken from pagans etc etc. but whenever you choose to reflect and thank God for the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ - that's your Christmas Day. If you want to have the usual turkey and ham etc celebrations with your family in July for Christmas that's your Christmas.

and finally: Some things you think may be innocent or even from 'God' may not be so innocent or positive.. this is the point of the book 'The Beautiful Side of Evil'. Some things we take so innocently may have a more sinister purpose.


and what about Necrophagist? I didn't get any negative feelings about that, only one psychological one, which was that I used it as a reasoning to think my mom was being bitchy about the evil book. Hopefully dream-me will know better next time. I still don't believe I listen to satanic music. I actually stay far away from satanic music. And trust me, there is metal and then there's satanic metal. There's death metal and then there's satanic death metal. It's not all the same thing.

Funny thing happened the other day..

Went to a client's office to organize deposit and down-payment for a job we were gonna do for them and stuff. The boss man was temporarily 'away' so he was forwarding his calls to his lieutenant (hereafter known as 'mads'). So we're at the client's office and some discrepancy or the other occurs.. some confusion or whatever, so the client (hot chicky!.. whom I also know from before.. who was looking especially hottt that day) decided that she'd call the bossman.

The scene:

Client has a normal-sized desk and is sitting behind it.
Mads is sitting right up on the opposite side of the desk, using it to write stuff.
I am standing right behind Mads and have a view of everything.

The punchline:

Client calls bossman and mads, of course, answers the phone (because all his calls are being forwarded to her). Mads answers 'Hello, good afternoon?'
Client says 'good afternoon, may I speak to *bossman's name* please?'
Mads: 'oh I'm sorry.. *it is at this point that I am really trying to resist the urge to buss out laughing* the bossman isn't available today. I'm Mads.. *the client has a bewildered look on her face, as if she's not completely sure what is going on and if this is real* .. would you like to leave a message?'

at this point the client realizes what has taken place, especially because I'm laughing my ass off as quietly as I can behind Mads and hangs up the phone.

wait, wait, there's more..

after the client hangs up the phone Mads continues..

'hello? hello? I think they hung up! but ey!ey! what kinda ting is tha... wait.. why you laughing so mu...'



priceless.. truly priceless.

or perhaps you had to be there.

1, get ready to go, 2, get ready to go. 1, 2, 1 2 3 4...

I've been thinking lately that a country's most popular music might be a good indicator of said country's lifestyle, thinking and general attitude towards things. I think this with regards to one genre of our various national music styles - soca. Now don't get me wrong, I like soca. I even love it sometimes but I still can't help but wonder about what soca and fetes say about trinis.

People wonder how Hitler could have had such influence. I think if Machel decided he wanted to continue the 'thousand year reich' I don't think many would even bat an eyelash. He'd definitely have his army of loyal followers, especially if he decided to conduct the genocide in fetes.

More than soca artistes of course, have this commanding ability though so that's not even limited to our culture. What has made up the brunt of my thinking is the content of these songs and what they represent. I like to have fun, free up and enjoy myself like anyyyooone else but there comes a point when you SHOULD stop, reflect on the music that you're listening to and think about what this really says about the people who listen to it, if anything.

Soca is made to energise people and to aid in the general freeing up of oneself at a party. It's a fun music, an energetic music, an excitable music. You hear that beat and that rhythm and your waist starts going one time. You want to grab a hold of your or any man or woman and buss down a flex.
But what does this really say about our people? You have some conscious-minded people in the midst of all the waving of rags and flags but these people and their songs seem to get lost in the sea of 'jump and wave, jump and wave'. As such I'm not going to generalise all soca songs and when I do use terminology that does such I do so with full mind that not every soca song is about the same thing.. just most.
So yes, I wonder what a foreigner coming for our carnival must think apart from 'wowww these people have so much fun!' etc etc etc.. what would they think beyond the fun? would they think 'wow, these people have such laid back lifestyles, everything is a party and a fete. Do they care about anything else?' or would they take it for granted that we DO care about other things, just not enough to put them into our most popular style of music? would they perhaps question what we do for the rest of the year after carnival is over? perhaps they might think that if we cared less about jumping and waving and more about our crime situation that things might be a little better for us when we actually go out to fetes.

I don't mean to sound narrow minded, mind you. Because I do love soca myself, as well as many other forms of music. I also know that when you go to a party, you go to a party.. you don't go to a party to discuss the economic situation of the country or global warming or how much chicken and flour is rising (and really, wtf is up with that shit!?) You go to have fun and enjoy yourself and that's where the majority of soca is heard and enjoyed, so it'd be wrong to totally base an assumption or judgement on those circumstances. The fact still remains however that there are people who listen to soca right thru, year round, apart from the fetes etc and there are people who make songs year-round with the same thing in mind.

And really, how many times can one artiste bring out a sing with the same exact message? 'get on bad, free up yuhself, jump, wave yuh rag, wine behind the truck, wine on a woman..' and it's like people don't even seem to notice nor care about the content of the songs. As a friend recently said 'a popular artiste could bring out a song that was total shit and it'd still be a hit because they're popular and because it has a soca beat'. I personally still have my intelligence at parties and can recognize the difference between a song with any other redeeming value than to get me pumped to take that next wine on that cuteness standing next to me though.

the soca mentality just really makes me question what values many of T&T's citizens hold and what they really care about. Do they only care about partying and getting on, having a good time or do they actually care about what happens to the country and what happens to them? I'd like to think it's the latter, and truthfully I have seen things that indicate this, but it's still a thought I have.. this whole soca saying something about our country thing

Things I've learnt so far from my job

A long-time procrastinator, I'm becoming more and more pro-active and immediate simply by watching my boss work. He may be a lot of things but a procrastinator he is not.

I've learned that wet tiles might by slippery but not as slippery as dirty tiles (for some reason)

Even the most affable and friendly people can be assholes.
similarly, the good nature of the person says nothing about the type of businessperson they are and they may turn out to be penny pinchers and cheap, cut corners people

Everyone in this country expects that things can be put together and completed at the last minute. And things are usually completed as such, so the cycle continues

Business and friendship can be mixed.. unless you want to be dedicated and professional about your business and not want your friendship to be taken advantage of.

how to deal with people

how not to deal with people

the fact that you really have to have money in order to make it.

that you don't have to be 'smart' to be a good businessperson. 'Smart' meaning have a proper education etc.. you don't need to know the difference between a zebra and a horse or to be able to speak proper english to have a successful business

list to continue..

It's not where you go..

I've usually held firm to the belief that it's not WHERE you go but WHO you go with. I still believe in this highly but last night taught me something.. where you go can still have quite an effect on you and the lime.

Started off in a popular resturant/bar having a couple drinks and shit talking with a best friend, met a couple lovely ladies (friends as well though :( ) and limed a little while longer. Then another group of friends came and said they were going to this other lounge place that is renown for being stoosh and.. high class(?). One of the girls with us said it'd be boring and she hasn't heard anything great about the place, but I always wanted to at least check it out, so I hit her the 'it's not who you go with' line and we were on our way.

real kix to get there, even walking towards the place.. but as soon as I stepped onto the compound I felt a little suffocated. Perhaps it was the nice little sign telling me what I should wear to be respectable in their establishment.. quite within their right.. or perhaps it was the immediate and almost deafening stares by the patrons who were already there, all clustered around one table (because there was only one big group of people there). Managed to make my way to the bar feeling a bit uncomfortable but still determined to take the place in.

Went to the bathroom, which was really nice btw.. came back out and had a drink (coke). Got it in a pretty glass and made a joke with the nice female bartender.. figured things weren't so bad. Still that suffocating feeling never quite left me. It DID diminish greatly once I started shit talking with my ppls but I always felt this tension in the back of my mind or perhaps my spine.
One of my friends was gonna do some antic or the other and was told promptly (by another friend) 'nooo. do NOT do that here! not HERE!' and it's that kinda thing I'm talking about.. I don't like when the vibe or mood or even policy of a place dictates how I can have my fun.. it's pretty dumb. But then again it was our decision to go there so it's not like I could complain.

Needless to say I don't think I'll be going back to that place again anytime soon. I'll stick to my usual places where I can have my fun in my way without having to feel like I'll get hard stares and be asked to leave.

Maturity questions

Am I really maturing as the days pass or is it just me pretending to be more mature for the sake of my age?
and how mature am I supposed to be at this age?

undoubtedly whatever it is, it's a product of the experiences I have been through and will go through. I don't think maturity is evolutionary, unless you're looking at the evolution of society rather than that of biology.

To be continued? perhaps.. but Dexter is on now and that means my eyes shall be super-glued to the TV

btw why is it that no trini knows what 'super glue' is yet everyone knows what 'krazy glue' is..?

My new guitar

Sooooo beautiful!! I'm not a big Carvin fan generally because I think too many people jocking them like they're THE shit. However I do recognize that they're a great company and make finnnnee guitars and amps etc.

my recently acquired guitar however is honestly the most beautiful guitar I can remember seeing in my entire life. It's not just the blue on black quilted maple top or the neck through or the abalone inlays (sexiest inlays I've ever seen on a guitar) or the matching neck (matching to body AND inlays) but how all these things add up. This is what obviously got me about the guitar first.

well no, first it was the fact that a friend called me up early one morning raving about this new guitar in our favourite music store that happened to be one of my favourite solo artiste's signature guitars.. went to check it out and THEN fell in love. Picked it up and that was it. Paid down one time.

It's a floyd rose, which I've hated before, but it's not double locking; there is no locking nut at the neck and head so that made things a little easier for me to get past. Also I've always wanted a trem.. just not a floyd rose. I've been having a lot of fun with it though so I'm pretty much past my dislike for this particular one.

24 frets.. which was important to me. Not because I have any great NEED or USE for the last two frets but because I just have a mental block against 22 fret guitars.. seems like something's missing. I like my gear to have as much features as possible that will allow me to expand my playing and not limit me.. in short, I'd rather have it than not.

Alder body, which I've previously been kinddd of against but it makes the guitar lighter than my LTD AND the quilted maple top covers up for it.

one of the coolest features is that the volume knob is a push/pull switch that cuts the distortion from the guitar (EVEN WHEN PLUGGED INTO MY LINE6 POD!!) and cleans up the signal/tone. This works especially well with the neck pickup. Thus any clean parts in our songs, I just switch to neck pup and pull the switch up. NICENESS!!!

There is also veryyyyyy little info about this guitar and its fellow models on the www. This made it that much more appealing to me as there's a mystery to it. There IS talk about the models etc but definitely no where near the extent of other carvin models. Or other brand models for that matter.

so all in all.. I'm extremely grateful for this new guitar and I love both my friend who first told me about the guitar AND helped me to pay down for it and the guitar itself. I was polishing it some night ago and I just sat and stared at it for a good few minutes. My neighbours were victims of attempted robbery last week so the day after before leaving home I actually hid my guitar. Leaving all other gear and equipment in the open eh..

it's just... wow.



"

What I've been listening to lately

Ludacris' 'Release Therapy' album - very besss. This is an artiste that I've always looked forward to and looked out for. Always delivers. Woozy = big tune.

Tony MacAlpine - Edge of Insanity: After exhausting his latest releases I've decided to go back in time to his earlier (and by no means lesser) stuff. Great solo artiste/guitarist/keyboardist. And his Carvin guitar that I recently got is beeeeeeauutiful!!

Various dancehall tunes - Most played being Aidonia - Buka, Busy Signal - These days, Queen Ifrica - Below the waist, Dr. Evil - Stamina Man, Movado - Gully Side, Munga - Bad from mi born, Busy and Movado - Badman Place, Vybz Kartel - kick inna face, Sean Kingston, Mims, Mr. Vegas and Vybz - Like this (remix) and Collie Budz - Blind to you (and no, I'm not going Zen to see him)

Pitbulls in the Nursery - Lunatic (album): French death metallers. Instruments sound like machinery both on the album and live. *RAAA!!!!*

Isis - post-rock/metal greatnesssss!!

94.1fm - The Boom Champions!!! giving me my lovely soca for 2k8 and that Beenie Man song that I've been seaaarching and seeaarcching for



I wish I could find a girl who shares my taste in music :(
or at least one who could go bruck out with me in a party and then listen to tech-death going home. or dancehall on the way to a rock show *sigh*

Tune killing

you know what I real hate dred? when a big tune comes out and radio stations/people play it TO DEATH!! everywhere you go you hearing the song being played or people singing it or it's being used in ads or people naming parties after it.. it really loses the appeal it had when it now came out and I end up wondering why I thought it was good in the first place.. bleh

bubble like soup people, bubble like soup cus it's too late to apologise

A sad realization: the death of a role model

It happens in many peoples' lives. Certainly at childhood and adolescent levels, when you realize the person/s who you have looked up to for so long may not be the great people you've made them out to be. When you realize your dad may not be the personification of everything a father should be. When you realize your mom may not be able to do everything in the world.
This post however is not about family, but about someone I've more or less admired professionally for a few years. I neglect to describe them or what they do cus that'd be an instant make-out so we'll just call him Bill.

Bill's work has inspired me throughout the years in an area of my life that I enjoy. Before two years ago however I didn't know him personally. That changed when I had the honor of meeting him and liming etc. Since then I haven't gotten much closer to him but we can talk and lime normal, no scene. I've occasionally witnessed things over these couple years that made me question a bit how much I truly did admire his personality. Before I even met him I saw something that had this same effect, yet that was years and years ago so I figured he must have grown up by now.

I guess he didn't really. Recently an incident happened that really became the culmination of every little incident I saw where I thought 'wow.. he's a little bitch dred' or the like. Something happened in public and he handled things like a real prima donna. Diva extra-ordinnaire. He didn't have to, but this was his nature. After this first reaction, the upsetting situation was returned to normal but still he acted like a spoiled baby. This really made me see his true nature. It was the death of role model for me and the birth of another asshole I happen to know.

perhaps this is why I don't have any other role models really (except one other guy who actually is a FRIEND). Because I can't put anyone up on an admiration pedestal like that without knowing their true nature and usually when I find that out, it always contains a let down. I don't expect perfection but I can't condone certain things that go against my beliefs.

and that's that.

THE most anxious 15/20 mins of my life

At least in semi-recent times.

It was something like 10/half 10 in the night and my mom's friend and I were getting food for one of his workers in KFC curepe because the one in valsayn was too full. We reach KFC but there's no parking in the front AT ALL so he drives around to the side and pulls to the side of Royal Castle, which is on the corner. This was also the place where a partner was abducted from and subsequently murdered in the backseat of a car. That very spot. So you know all this done running in my mind by the time mom's friend parks by royal castle. He parks facing inwards by the way, i.e. with his back to the road.

So I figured he wouldn't be too long (completely missing the logical assumption to be made that all the cars in front of KFC belonged to customers) and the car might be safer if I stayed in it because it was no parked in the corner of the building in a darkish area with some shady characters around, especially in a car which was parked perpendicular to us. He goes inside KFC.

Five minutes pass and the anxiety is building because the guy standing by the front door of the car next to me is looking at the vehicle I'm in (CRV) occasionally, with what I thought at the time might have been intent. To add to my worries a girl came out of the passenger seat of the car (a girl was also involved in my partner's murder) and walked right towards the CRV and stared, about 4 feet away from the front right side of the CRV, into it.. then walked back to their car. Well anxiety shot up even higher then. By this time I had dialed 999 on my cell phone and had a thumb on the call button waiting. This number did not leave my cell screen until I left curepe.

Because the car is parked facing away from the road I couldn't see what was behind me so my head and eyes were constantly moving from right wing mirror to rearview mirror to left wing mirror, back to rearview mirror and right wing.. back and forth, back and forth like a surveillance camera. The people in the car on the side of me eventually leave but not before another, even shadier looking guy gets out the car and walks off behind the CRV.. that was a stress in itself but didn't last long as I saw him walk down the road.

So the car on the side leaves.. but then I realize now I'm alone on the side of Royal Castle in the dark. 10 more points gained on the anxiety scale. Still with thumb on call button with police number on the screen and head moving like a swivel-cam, I start running scenarios in my head about what could happen and how I'd react. This was prob a dumb move on my part and only served to make me more anxious. Every person that passed was given a good scopin out. No one came within 15ft of the CRV without me gauging them. Then two women came out of Royal Castle, got into the car that was on the opposite end of the building, towards the front and left. At that point I was the only vehicle on that side of the building. All that became too much for me so I hopped over the cupholder into the driver seat and turned the CRV around to face the road and parked a little nearer to the front, which was also better lit. I kept the car on, doors locked, transmission in neutral, hand breaks ready to deploy and foot hovering over the X. All during this time my thumb was still waiting to hit 'send' for the popes (babylon, police, 5-0 etc). At least I could have seen the road, so it put me a little more at ease.

Well eventually mom's friend came back and we left, safe and sound.. which I am very grateful for because many people have not been so lucky in that exact same area, even at that hour of the night.

here's to hoping I'm never put in that position again dred.

Footwear observation

Puma is now the Converse for people who don't listen to rock or like related fashion.

Really.. every single public place I go to SOMEONE is always wearing pumas.. I doh blame them tho, I've seen some pretty sick styles and designs.

big up yuhself Puma.

A great saturday night

This saturday gone I linked up with an old (female) friend who I haven't seen nor spoken to in a gooood while. We recently started back talking and wanted to lime (no, it's not like THAT - she has a bf who she's been with going on three years and there's nothing there between us on that level) so she told me to come to this UWI concert that was being held by the JGI hall (doh ask me to remember what JGI stands for.. Joyce something something) in LRC. I had originally wanted to go to the AFTER PARTY of that concert to see if I coulda check up on this sweet Dominican girl I knew was gonna be there.. but I gave in to my friend's requests and ended up going to the hall concert.

The concert itself was pretty good I must admit. There were random fashion shows, dances, skits, musical acts etc. I reached like an hour and three quarters late though, cus I was helping my mom paint a room that we're doing over. So yea, get to the concert, didn't have to pay cus I was so late and sat down between her and her friend, whom I was introduced to. This is where the night really gets going. During a particularly funny skit that humourously highlighted the differences between Caribbean people, I was informed that the young lady on my right was from Jamaica.. and she was laughing at my stupid jokes.. For some reason I felt comfortable and I already had conversation material as my dad now lives in Jamaica and I've recently been for the first time..

fast forward to after the concert.. which I reiterate was quite good. My friend, her Jamaican friend, another of the Jamaican's friends, another Jamaican (but a guy) and I stand up talking and I'm cracking joke after joke and not feeling like an ass.. which I owe to the two jamaicans being rather easy-going and down to earth, as well as possessing a rather lovely sense of humour (i mean, they WERE laughing at my jokes). It was however, soon time for my friend to leave with her boyfriend as she had a chess tournament to enter the following morning (which she did well in btw!). This was the crossroad for me.. My natural personality would be to leave one time with my friend because I'd be too shy and awkward staying back to lime with people I didn't know and was now meeting for the first time. Something was different this time though and they made no indication that they wanted to leave me standing there by myself, so I said I'd stay back and lime for a bit.

That bit turned into three hours. The two Jamaicans, whom I shall call Ms. C and Mr. S, were the coolest people I've met for the first time in a long time. The conversation flowed and flowed. One topic to the next with jokes strewn throughout. This is something I truly and absolutely enjoy - meeting new people, who make me feel so comfortable that I can really be myself with them and in turn they are quite open to conversation on my levels (neither high nor low) etc etc. All in all a really comfortable first experience with people.. So we spoke of jamaica and my time there and their time there and music and trinidad and geography and nothing at all.

At some point Mr. S had to go handle some business so I sat on LRC steps with Ms. C chatting about ourselves and our experiences. Before we knew it an hour and a half had passed. By this point I knew she had a boyfriend and I was fine with it because it made me a little more calm around her. For some reason as well I wasn't annoyed when Mr. S came back. I was actually happy.. this rarely happens when I meet guys, ESPECIALLY when I meet guys with pretty/cool/etc girls. So we limed again for a bit and decided we'd go check out the after party which was going on by then. Took a walk to JFK carpark where the party was being held and stood up on a bench overlooking the temp walls for the party. Decided we were better on the outside and then the party got shut down by security anyway.

Oh yes, did I mention I DID see the Dominican? yea she passed next to me but I couldn't care cus I was engrossed in conversation with my two new associates.

We limed outside the shut-down party for a 5 mins and then walked back to LRC where Ms. C and I parked (Mr. S lives on campus). I felt like if another conversation started we'd be there for another couple of hours. I felt like we (yes, even Mr. S as well) could have gone to either person's home or wherever to continue the lime.. Me, who is so shy sometimes that it comes across as being anti-social was there contemplating continuing a lime with people I now met. Fortunately though we all had to leave so numbers were exchanged (even this process contained very little awkwardness) and that as that.

Since then I refrained from contacting Ms. C for fear of seeming pushy or overbearing. She however, messaged me the other night so now the channels are open for further conversation. Here's hoping she comes to Eraclash tomorrow. I have to tell her to bring her bf too so I could meet him lol

so yes.. Saturday was one of my most enjoyable social nights in a good while. 1) I got to meet and lime with an old friend and we are still talking. 2) I got to meet two very very cool new people. 3)I spent absolutely no money (definite PLUS) and 4)I gained a little more confidence, independence and experience with social situations such as that one.

see you all at Eraclash!




unrelated: I realize my blog posts are generally pretty long.. i guess that's because of the length of time I take between posts.. or perhaps I just like typing/writing etc.. I'll try to cut them down in the future for better readability

And.. it is over.

The PNM has won. Did anyone have a doubt? I mean really.. apart from hope, did you think any other party had as much of a chance?
COP split the vote, COP split the vote. The next rape is 'our' fault (i use our because I'm writing this from the standpoint of a semi-COP supporter, although I share allegiance with no political party to this date). If a family member of mine is killed it's my fault because I split the vote.. well no I didn't vote, so it's the other COP supporters faults.. It seems that this is the new anthem of the UNC. Really.. how bitter and small can you get?

To me, this is the situation: some people are choosing to live in a backwards society where you have the least options available to you, rather than trying to move forward into a new age of democracy, where you actually start having a better choice. Yes, this will not work now because the PNM is so entrenched in the mind's of its supporters. But in the future maybe.. hopefully.
This argument I myself am at odds with because on the one hand, I'm for the multiple party choices, but on the other hand I know that once it is not the PNM that has split, they will win. In this vein I am admitting that vote splitting has been ONE factor to the demise of any real opposition to the PNM's power.

However, on the other hand, and all the while I was checking the figures and doing the math, the UNC would still not have won, even with EVERY SINGLE ONE of the COP voters voting for them.. an extremely unlikely, nigh impossible occurrence. Apart from this most logical and statistical evidence, preventing other parties from being in the running would just be another method of keeping this country from moving forward to first world status, however many decades in the future that is. Isn't that really what an election for this country is supposed to be about? Choosing the most worthy candidate to take us forward?

I say this and I laugh to myself because I know the truth.. no, this election is not about who is the most worthy person. Die-hard supporters of each party prove that this is not so. Racial voters for each party prove this is not so. Together these two groups make up quite a sizeable proportion of the voters.. so no, Trinidad and Tobago elections have never been and have not been this year, about which candidate was most worthy. We are apparently stuck in our third-world mentality and cannot see past our parents' voting or our friends' voting. It is because of this, that I am happy for the COP. Happy not for the COP themselves but for the third option as it represents, to me, a step in the right direction.

and yet still people find a way to bring race into the debate. Indians vs indians. UNC vs. COP. Why does it have to be about race? Of course I'd expect race to factor in between the PNM and the UNC but why is it still about race with the COP? and some people FIGHT for this argument.. why is it indians have to be fighting so, why can't they unite against the black people.. come on.

what saddens me is that most of the examples I've used for this bit of writing have come from people my own age. Tonight I was going through a facebook political group and reading wall posts. For the first time in my life I actually felt a sense of hopelessness and helplessness for the future of this country. I felt as though no matter how many free-thinking individuals we have, the majority is always going to lie with the ignorant, narrow minded, self-righteous, never-wrong, bitter and egotistical persons. This is really fighting against my hopes that we are making (baby) steps towards a better future. What is one new party compared to thousands of these falsely intellectual persons? It is an incredibly daunting situation.

perhaps I have digressed from my original point, or perhaps I have expanded to incorporate other feelings, making this yet another general political post. Either way, it continues;

I was thinking about it and while I still stand by my 'fuck Jack Warner' stance, I would have liked a different party to win this election, just to experience something different. If it turned out to be worse then we live with that, if it turned out to be better then fine. I'm just in the mood for a change. The PNM has been in power for 10 years straight now, onward to another five. That's almost half my lifetime gone there, though I vaguely rememeber the UNC being in power. But perhaps this mood change can still come. Haha again I think I am kidding myself. My thinking in the previous statement was this: if the people speak, government has no choice but to listen. Are you laughing yet? the statement itself is a noble thought yes, but when applied to this country it becomes a laughable prospect. The smelter issue is a perfect example. From the people not being able to fully come together to a prime minister who had no intention to heed any voice of HIS people, it just went to show what the real situation is. Furthermore so if/when he becomes executive president.

I have a question. I shall post this in a new note so it gets the attention I'd like it to. Would you rather have a corrupt prime minister who steals money but can run a country OR a most noble and honest prime minister who cannot run a country? It saddens me that my morals must take a bend for this one but I think I'd go with the corrupt prime minister. I'd rather have my country in top shape than have it in no shape at all with a leader who won't lie to me.

As this is getting quite lengthy I think I'll stop here. Thus, onwards we go into the next half-decade (which I reiterate from a previous post, is far too long a term) with much of the same, if not more stupidity and injustice being done to the people of the country. It is the ultimate shame when a country's people have no voice and are suffering when its leaders are sitting on gold toilet seats.. and this is the shame we will face every day for the next five years.

which reminds me.. I should make a post about Haile Selassie that may make me pretty unpopular with my rastafari friends.. all zero of them.

peace to my fellow countrymen. Whether you are a UNC supporter, a PNM supporter or a COP supporter, we must all live in the same country tomorrow. You may not have voted the man into power but you have to live with it now so deal with it. (which may not have to be passively. I do not advocate inactivity.)

Words and Sentances

words. words on a page. teach them to misbehave. wave their rags, wine and dance. and do tricks. obey. conform. Make them suffer under the indecisiveness that comes when you aren't quite sure of what to write next. Let their anticipation build. Who will be chosen next? 'deceived' perhaps, 'ostentatious', 'gullible'.. no these are not words that somehow describe me, I am merely rambling. This is neither poetry nor a spoken word prompt sheet. My phone is ringing, that answering machine comes on way too quickly. And it's far too loud. My dad is back in the country, I need to get my phone fixed. F)@*J@#U Nokia 5500. Worst phone decision of my life. It's so bad I'm quite confident in this designation at this (hopefully) early stage of my life. Some people leave us too soon. Others just can't seem to be gone soon enough. Those two groups of people should meet and teach each other some things. Perhaps they could just switch places.
What is it with women? and women and men? We have such different modus operandi and tendencies. And yet no man and no woman can totally figure out the other sex. or gender. or whatever pc term they using these days. If a man has a sex change and likes men is he gay? no because he's now a she? was his surgeon God? no? what does his birth certificate say? male? then what's the discussion? If I clone a sheep is it the same sheep as before or a new sheep? and why would you want a new sheep? was the old sheep not good enough? Imagine the insecurity complex that would develop in the old sheep. My words flow forth like the water WASA is not allowed to give us. Which is to say, not very flowy anyway cus it's WASA. I didn't think I'd need to explain that metaphor but I leave nothing to...what music am I feeling to listen to? what am I feeling to do? why am I not still asleep, I have football later. Hopefully. Hope.. hope is a strange thing. I find myself saying sometimes 'I hope but I doubt'. I think this brings across my mentality towards life in general. I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic. I'm a realist as cliche as that sounds.. but a realist with a touch of fantasy. Perhaps that keeps me sane. So many things do. Well no, not many things do, but the ones that do are good at their job. For the time being. Perhaps I should stop now and play poker. Is it possible to say this started out with some promise but ended up not fulfilling its potential? you know, seeing as this has all been random.. apparently I'm funny. Not funny gay, funny haha. Not that I have anything against gay people, just the gay lifestyle. I DO have something against annoying people who happen to be gay though. Maybe I should get a proper stance on abortion and the death penalty. It'd be hypocritical of me to think I could take someone's life but then fight against the death penalty huh? well I've never claimed to not be a hypocrite. Abortion.. nope, not that easy. If your body is a lease from God can we do some renovations? I suppose that'd be more along the lines of tattoos and piercings though. An abortion would be like throwing out the living room furniture because it didn't go with your new colour scheme. or something.
didn't I say I was ending this? the poker.. it calls to me. beckoning.. comeee, comeee to meee. Play with meee, use meeee... or it could be my guitar speaking. Why am I communicating with inanimate objects anyway? Maybe I should ignore them to teach them a lesson. Perhaps I should stop personifying them as well. Maybe this is one of the things that keeps me sane. And laughter. Laughing at myself especially. If laughter is the spice of life, call me Grenada.

Why can't I write about something that isn't politically related?

oh right, elections are around the corner, that's right.

So the latest wave maker: polls! weee! everyone's favourite descriptive tool - STATISTICS! Thank goodness (dammit I cannot believe I am about to say this) I did those stats courses in university. I might be one of the poor, ignorant people who are mislead by statistics that promote a certain view of things. What effect this has on the population I cannot say.. mostly because I don't want to sit down and analyese it, otherwise I think I might be able to deduce the effect.. I didn't do 4 years of psych simply to be an event co-ordinator/decorator. Anyway, I digress; Statistics lie. They can be manipulated. 90% of people polled, in a population (country) say they like doubles and red solo. 10% say they like saheena and cream soda chubby, so doubles must be the winner right? but how many people did you really interview? what? 10? alone? so 9 ppl said they like doubles? where did you interview these people? outside Ali's (a doubles parlor)? ohhh okay.. so you see.. statistics are misleading. Unless there is complete transparency in the processes used to derive the final output and you have the intellect to understand those porcesses, accept anything you get with a healthy dose of salt.

Richie Kolounji.. or should I say Sizzla Spice? I have uncovered a secret demographic that politicians, esp in this year's election, are trying to appeal to: the ignorants. This demographic transcends race, ethnicity, gender, age, education (believe me, it does) and sexual orientation. This demographic consists of the people who listen to foreign superstars singing political jingles and are manipulated. These ignorants believe anything they're told, but especially when it comes from an international artiste. If Snoop Dogg came to Trinidad and said go shave your grandmother's heads these people would have a lot less inheritance money to collect when dear granny dies. These are the people who use campaigning and rallies as an excuse to party and get on like it's carnival. I got stuck in traffic a couple cars to the side of a PNM maxi and some guys streamed out and started dancing and carrying on in the streets. Yes, this will definitely help push our country into the next decade.

ok fack, I falling asleep on myself here, out!

EraClash

the event management/promo company I work for decided, a few weeks ago, to try to put on weekly parties in a club called Nemo's. I've always loved throwing parties (albeit personal, private parties where I am the Dj) so i figured this would be my great opportunity to throw a REAL, public party. Organization went pretty smoothly minus the promotion ironically enough. A lot more could have been done to promote. We had neither the time nor the energy to immerse ourselves (it's only two of us really) into such an undertaking. We did the weekly promo in the main university(UWI) and that was it.

The tequilla was a funny story. We were having free tequilla shots all night so we thought we'd try to get it sponsored. We got four bottles. Four. Four 750ml bottles when one shot is 30ml. (math done, that's 25 shots/bottle and 100 shots total). After some quick calculating my boss and I realised.. hmm.. mayyybe we should try to organize some more. We eventually worked out a much better deal and ended up with quite a bit more (than four) bottles. The funny part is I came an hour and a half late (after going home post set up to get ready) and we were already two-three bottles down. So much for our lovely four bottles.

the party itself was great. I had a LOT of fun and it's the first time I got to party with my sister since I've become the bruk-out person. This was something I was actually looking forward to for a while as she's a bruk-out inspiration to me :P *blush*. The music was great, the atmosphere was great, the people were fun. Thanks to everyone who came out. We decided to make a few changes following our event re-cap though, so we're having the party every other week (twice a month) along with a few other minor changes. Perhaps we'll be doign $5 tequilla shots instead of free shots.. damn Sonja for drinking all our tequilla! (that was said with some hope that she'll be reading it).

so yea.. great party. I want to sleep. No funny shit there, jus me saying random crap about the party.

A little personal privacy please?

These thoughts of mine might change when I'm actually a parent with children of my own. As for the time being though, they are what they are.

I think there should be some degree of privacy that exists between parents and their children (children from here on out refers to 14+). I think once you've raised your child properly, in an open household, without keeping secrets from them yourself, things should be okay to allow them a little bit of privacy in their lives if they want it. Of course no one is going to follow this and checks WILL be made, as discreetly as possible if need be, as to whether they are getting up to stuff that goes against your moral teachings. Please don't let them catch you in the act of checking up on them. It can really, really kill relations and any potential for better relations. It also stays with the child unless properly dealt with (which, let's face it, probably won't happen in today's and tomorrow's societies). If you keep secrets from your child don't expect them to be all fine and dandy with divulging everything to you. Especially when they can pretty accurately assume where you stand on certain things that they're doing. Perhaps they'd LIKE to talk to you about their thoughts on them using protection during sex but they know you'll probably just break down and cry if you found out they weren't your little angelic virgin anymore and totally overlook the fact that you're being safe and responsible.
or perhaps they'd like to tell you about that party when they got drunk and started chewing on people's clothes (I'd say this never happened to me, but then you'd think that the rest of the story has.. which I'm neither admitting to nor refuting) but know that you don't even think they like alcohol.

So I guess it actually depends on how you run your house. One secret kept by you and sniffed at by your child can become the groundwork for a closed-off child with secrets of their own. I am in no way advocating this. I am saying that if the child would like, and even if they are cool with being open, they should be given some privacy, if just a little. If the child WOULD like some privacy, I'd suggest trying to talk to them about the things you worry for them getting into.. drugs, sex, alcoholism, gangs, scientology, whatever.. and see where they stand. Yes they could be lying to you but you should not be naive enough to accept 'oh goosh mommy no! I doh do that! *averts eyes and quickly changes topic*' as a proper answer. And please don't nag at them, this will not end in any way that you hope it will. Unless you're hoping it will end badly. In which case you're unfit to parent anything and should be shot.

Sorry if this is all jumbled thoughts, I just woke up and I need to go back to sleep but had to get this out.

Criminally Insane

I was having a talk with a fellow trini about her experiences with crime. She's been held up and robbed 4 times (so far), with a couple of them being pretty violent. She isn't the only person I know who has been the victim of such serious crime. I have known two young people, younger than I, who have been murdered brutally. I have a friend who was kidnapped and beaten, had his car stolen and used in a shooting and was left, tied up and half-naked in a cane field. I have had friends held up at knife point, gun point, rock point, big piece of iron point. Friends' cars robbed and broken into, stolen and vandalized.

I myself, though I seem to forget quite easily sometimes, have been the victim of crime as well, albeit not of such a up-close and personal nature as my unfortunate friends have been. I've had my beloved 626 stolen, but by the grace of God (and I do mean that literally) I got it back. I've had jewellery that I treasured dearly stolen from me. I've had my car broken into, though again, by the grace of God, the window that they broke in fell on top of my cd case and they didn't see it and stole instead my then-gf's things. That's about the extent of my dealings with crime.

Now, I KNOW that in these times I am extremely, extremely fortunate not to have been the victim of violent or 'personal' crime. I'm also aware that I ain't dead yet, so I have some time left in which this could happen. However, I don't only attribute my fortune to a higher being alone. I'd also like to believe that the way I am - my behaviour, my habits, my thinking - has kept me out of situations such as these. It was this train of thought that led to me wanting to pinpoint what exactly I do, on a daily basis, that keeps me out of that much danger;

for one, I haven't traveled since I was 17. Yes, I know there are many, many, maannnyy people who are not as lucky and privileged as I to have their own car or to be able to get a private drop to and from. I'm just saying.. this has greatly helped keep me away from crime as I haven't been exposed to the general public, even when I'm going to town/arima/couva/chaguanas/st. augustine etc.

driving in traffic: while driving all my friends know I generally dislike using the a/c (to save gas), so my windows are always down. However at every light I always turn up all the windows and switch the a/c on (if need be) for those few mins I'm at a stand still. Also in traffic, depending on the rate of traffic I'll do the same. Especially on places like the Beetham, El Socorro, Aranguez etc.

if I'm going through a drivethru (kfc) I put my window back up when I'm done ordering. I also try not to text or use my phone while I'm in the line.

When walking through a car park I have my keys in my hand before I reach my car. Perhaps this is a mistake but my thinking is this: I can trigger my alarm if I need to create either a distraction or to draw attention to myself. I can also, if the situation arises, use the metal end of the key as a weapon at (very) close range. Having the key in my hand while I'm walking also saves time digging in my pocket for it when I finally do get to my car.

While walking through a car park, if I am alone I also try not to use my phone, especially to text (as hard as this is to believe) as again, it 1) draws attention to you and 2) distracts you from your surroundings. I try to be aware of my surroundings at all times, especially in car parks and similar areas.

If I'm walking down a street texting is again a no-no unless it's a familiar street (residential areas apply only.. so this is basically valsayn) and awareness is at a max. This goes for when I'm walking anywhere at all actually. I occasionally glance behind me or look down to check for any shadows that may be following me. I also try to keep an ear out for any suspicious sounds such as someone running, trying to keep in time with me and the like.

This should be obvious to everyone but I'll include it anyway. I try to stay out of known dangerous areas. Morvant, Lavantille, East Belmont, certain areas of St. Augustine etc I have little to no knowledge of. I like my car bullet-hole free. When my 626 was stolen, it was actually parked up the hill from a seedy area.

When driving home late at night, I am supposed to take a different route every once in a while but I generally don't cus I'm pretty tired after liming. I always watch behind me to see if I'm being followed though. No matter how sleepy I am I always do this. When I get to my gate, which is remote controlled (compound) I click the remote from as far away as I can and then I am always watching around for cars and people.

When I get to my door, which is on the side of the building, with the back and the side of the compound right there, I peep my head around the corner to scope out the surrounding area. Even when there isn't anyone there, I always open my door quickly and engage the lock before the door is even closed, in case I am rushed and have to slam the door quickly.

When I go to fetes, I wear jeans that have special secret pockets sewn into the seam of the legs. (I buy the jeans like this) so I put my money there and have my ID and bank card in my wallet if I need to have the wallet. In crowds, I also occasionally pat my back pocket to make sure my wallet is there. Not too much though, otherwise I run the risk of drawing attention to where my wallet pocket is. I generally try to check when my back is being blocked by someone whom I think I can trust. If the crowd is especially thick, such as Woodford Tuesdays sometimes, I put my wallet in my front pocket. I also try, though unsuccessfully sometimes, to be as quick as possible when putting change back into my wallet. If i know I can't be quick I'll just put the change into my pocket.

I don't wear jewellery. At all. Not even a watch. (though the lack of a watch is more due to the band bursting than anything else.) I DO have jewellery, but I don't like the attention it can bring, so i save it for special occasions (when I don't think I'll be highly at risk to be robbed) I also don't dress flashy, with the latest designer shoes and shirts/pants etc. I look good without having to scream 'this man's got money!' (which I wish I actually did)

and lastly(because sleep taking meh and ah cah remember anymore right now) I am paranoid. I don't think it's to an unhealthy extent, but it keeps me wary and alert. I play out different scenarios of how a crime could play off in my surroundings and try to figure out ways to effectively deal with it. I figure I haven't been seriously involved in a crime yet, so it must be coming sometime.. I'd just like to either be able to avoid it if it does try to happen or be able to deal with it properly if it does happen.

i tellin allyuh now tho, if a man try to fuck with me and all he have is a knife I gettin stab, cus I not losing my shit when he doh even have enough connections to get a gun, sorry. I will take meh stab but I making sure to slit his throat with his own knife.

or I'll just be my usual calm, collected self and talk to him, try to make a joke or two and be helpful and accommodating. Would you like some tea or coffee with my money, sir?

Don't you just love single-minded political party die-hards?

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=20244825352&ref=nf

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1509915&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=20244825352&aid=-1&id=648415433&oid=20244825352


I've realised that nothing turns me off a girl quicker than seeing she's a sheep for a political party, even the one I may be supporting (if there is a time when that happens)

Things that annoy me

because it had to come..


Politcal party die-hards and the mis-guided youth who view it either as a fad or something they MUST support. Related to this: die-heard supporters who only know what they're told and those who quote facts and figures and put downs without doing much of their own research.

Someone calling someone else's name repeatedly for a considerable (use your intelligence) amount of time. E.g. My dad calling my sister over and over for 2 mins without actually getting up to see where she was, i.e. to see if walking around might then put her within earshot.

Being set up inconsiderately. I don't mind being 'set-up' because your mom is sick or you have something important. But when I show up at whatever location, expecting you to be there, then call you to find out you actually just left to go home, when it was communicated clearly that I was coming to meet you, I get pretty annoyed.

People who smell when they have no reason to

Prima donnas

People with more attitude than I have.

People who talk and all you can think to yourself is that they're acting this way on purpose i.e. to come across as 'cool' or 'funny' or 'hyper' or 'badass' etc

Sheep mentality and behaviour.. along the lines of fashion, fads, trends and general thinking without questioning.

Converse sneakers and apparel: really, what is the big f'in deal?

Football teams that knock around the ball in their own half when they're ahead and it's the 85th minute

Football teams who lack any sense of style and flair i.e. most english teams (except liverpool, who don't even have that much anyway)

Basketball sneakers

Pseudo hip-hop culture

Having someone/people push me to do something that I pretty much don't want to do (and I mean this in a social sense, not in any really important way such as education or making something of myself)

Much of the local rock community and related persons

Tribute bands

'emo' music and culture

Kanye West

People who try to oppose their ideals and thinking on everyone else

the Catholic church

any horror made after 1998

the French football team (though they're one of my favourites)

the Portugese football team (likewise)

my procrastination

my procrastination (yes, I meant to repeat myself)

when i run out of clean clothes/blank cds/ juice/ snacks

the period after checking facebook and islandnoise when nothing new happens and I then have nothing to do with my pc time (which is any time I am home really)

getting psyched up to see a movie and then it being total shit

most, if not all, of recent rap music

people who are uneducated on whatever topic who have no reason to be so

people who don't even know there's a rift between the TTFA and our national football team.

the TTFA.

and because this is getting so long I'll finish up with one of the most annoying things to me..

people who mis-use 'you're' and 'your'



p.s. your all.. shit, i'll finish this later; gonna go listen to that new Kanye West tribute band.

I stand, sadly corrected.

just wanted to put this in quick, quick. It's a response I made to a friend's facebook note 'http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=5513343549&ref=mf' which can also be found on her lovely blog 'http://tahitian-sky.blogspot.com/2007/10/new-generation.html'


"the report on how my brethren and sistren are responding to the political parties is saddening news to me.

I was in UWI today and outside rituals was a mess of people. One half wearing the orange of UNC and the other the white of COP. And yet they were all getting along and laughing and drinking and knocking cards together. Funny what can bring people together.
it just seemed to me like this was just another fad, another trend.. the IN thing to be doing at this point in time. I voting COP cus they cool and new and fresh. Winston Dookeran who?

and then there's the traditional:
"well my pops an dem always votin UNC and thaz how I raised so that's what I will be doing too!"
"wha? NOT vote PNM? you want my mudda to kill me or what?"


I always try to give people so much benefit of the doubt but I can't make excuses for the shit that I've been seeing. COP and UNC would do so well if even half of these jersey wearers were to actually vote (which I have my doubts on). But then again, perhaps staining yuh index finger red on November 5th will be the next IN thing. If only COP and UNC were that lucky. I suppose it's another cool thing to be fed up of Patrick Manning and his shit.. although if it weren't for Patos the rituals crew would have been too busy trying to figure out how to pay for their tertiary education instead of what size COP jersey fits them best.. because the large feels quite comfortable but the medium is form-fitting.

it's sad really.


Join the revolution indeed.




-thanks to Azaria for showing me I wasn't alone in my thinking and also for giving me a little more understanding of what is really going on in UWI.

More elections crap

sorry, but it seems everywhere I turn or listen there's something else that annoys me. Today something actually disgusted me to the point where I almost turned off the radio completely. That thing was the UNC's latest jingle - a remix of the Richie Spice hit 'World is a Cycle', which includes the lyrics 'UNC do right do right do right.. Jack Warner do good do good do good..' it actually made me appreciate Orange Sky and Nigel's jingle etc.

At least Sky knows about the political situation in the country and want a change for their fellowmen! At least Nigel is concerned about his country and is informed. Who the hell is Richie Spice to Trinidad and Tobago?! I cannot BELIEVE that the UNC would do that. And then up next is the PNM with sizzla?! WHATTHEMUDDAC**T!?!? they're taking two of the best reggae/conscious artistes and using them to appeal to the 18-25 age group of voters! This is beyond me. I was utterly disgusted by both hearing the UNC song and by the news of Sizzla and the PNM.

Let's just throw facts and issues out the window. The youths don't care about that. They want to party and have fun, so let's use conscious artistes from a totally different country who know nothing about our politics instead! yeaaa! that's a good idea! I have yet to hear what my fellow 18-25yr olds think about this turn of events but the ones I do know are more informed of the facts and political climate than the UNC and PNM apparently think they are. The ones I do know will look past this completely obvious ploy and see the real truths that exist.

it's just.. wow.. I think that was a new standard of unbelievable there. It's one thing to use local artistes to do your stuff but to use foreigners!? What next? Junior Gong for COP? Beres Hammond promote unity with the UNC? Justin Timberlake bringing sexy PNM back!? it's just fucking ridiculous and sickening and I hope it will ultimately be pointless and costly to these parties.

Elecrionsengineering

Just a little bit to add on to the previous elections post.

Another thing I hate about how elections is run in my beloved country of Trinidad and Tobago: each constituency has its own assortment of party representatives running against each other. People in each constituency, e.g. Chaguanas East, are SUPPOSED to vote for the representative whom they think best supports them and their issues. Therefore they aren't actually voting for who they want to win the total election but rather who they want working in their area.

Now I'm not knocking this at all, especially in rural and poorly attended to areas where a lot of work is needed. You have to be look out for yourselves in this situation. However, the possibility arises of your constituent being a good person but the party head (the now Prime Minister) is a fucking corrupted crook.
OR
where you doh care about who your constituent is and you vote for the party you want to win elections. Which can result in the party head of your choice becoming Prime Minister but you end up getting stuck with a corrupt constituent that likes to fondle little boys and doesn't care one shit about the issues of the area (which, albeit a little enhanced, is generally what might happen in this country)

I wish we could just vote for the people who have shown or show the capacity to handle our issues in an efficient, compassionate manner, regardless of constituent or party head. Of course this will never happen. There's theoretical democracy and real world democracy; two drastically differing versions.

"Join the revolution, VOTE FOR COP" - what revolution might this be? cus I'm seeing the same thing happening that's happened time and time before, apart from the same old two parties.

UNC Alliance! stop dividing votes! - why? as free people we have the right to vote for who we choose. The UNC and many of their supporters like to think and would willingly let you know, that they are about unity and strength in numbers. This is bullshit. the UNC-A is a joke. They are trying to pass off anxiety and desperation as an effort for unity. If you were actually handling yuh business, yuh wouldn't need to form any alliance.

PNM - what can I say that hasn't been said many times already? nothing. But still.. a weak man has tasted too potent a power and it has warped his mind and thinking. When you look at Mr. Manning's actions through this perspective a lot of things come to make sense. He can't help it.. and we've been hearing so much that mental illness is increasingly becoming a big problem in this country.

so am I voting? no. But not for a lack of wanting to, I just don't have things in place to be eligible. If I were voting, who would I vote for? no one, I'd smear the ballot, I just like how my finger looks in red.

The little(big) things that I enjoy

In def. no particular order, I give you:


People who I know to be in long-term relationships not having their status as 'engaged' or 'married' on facebook.

Having gas in my tank

clean clothes (recently washed)

maintaining friendships with people when I don't feel like the onus is on me to maintain them.

hearing the song that I'm feeling to listen to at that same moment.

actually getting the song I have stuck in my head so I can hear it for real.

cookies in the red box stored in the fridge.

those rare moments of peace and simplicity.

having an assortment of nice shirts to wear.

knowing that I'm looking good.

knowing that the people whose opinions matter to me think that I look good.

playing football.

finding time to practice my drumming/guitar playing (which sadly I haven't in a good while)

winning big in poker.

liming with friends without any bullshit present under the surface (can't remember the last time this has happened)

meeting new people whose company I enjoy and vice versa

sleeping with the knowledge that I don't have to wake up early the next day.

no traffic on the road.

getting through with what I have to relatively quickly and without stress.

Bake and Buljol on sunday mornings.

planning things and actually having them work out nicely.

murphy's law avoiding me.

throwing parties.

losing myself in music. (especially Jazz)

applying psychology to life.

writing music.

getting the things I want out of life.

writing.

getting new music, especially good music which I've never heard.

spending any amount of time with certain people.

driving.

being driven.

reading good books.

european films, apparently.

not owing any debts.

women. (hahaha ouuuu)

Her touch
Her feel
Her cotton
Her fabric of my life.

Elections time again

this should be interesting. I'm really anticipating this year's elections on November 5th. Not because I'm gung-ho for the democratic process or because I'm fully in support for a particular party but rather I'm really anxious as to who will win.

There's the PNM who is currently in power and whose leader the (dis)Honorable Patrick Manning is threating to turn my beloved T&T into a dictatorshit, then there's the UNC with former Prime Minister Basdeo Panday, whose right hand man Jack take-as-much-as-I-can-from-who-I-can Warner is in a very real position to become the next PM, then there's the Winston Dookeran-led COP.

Now if I were voting (i'd like to but I have no national ID) it'd be for COP. I openly say this. Why? because I am fucking packing up my shit, jumping on the first flight I can get to anywheresville and starting a new life if Jack Warner and the UNC wins. I also don't want another 5 years of Mr. Manning and Ms. Breakfastses. However, I'm not so sure that Winston Dookeran has what it takes to run a country. I'm willing to live with his learning mistakes though, rather than under Jackie or Pattie's rules.

this being said, I'm not an avid followerd of politics in this country. I know what I know and from what I care to read in the (biased) papers. I know enough of the individuals themselves and how the operate however (minus Dookeran) to know whether they'd bring a positive change or a negative change to this country. I tellin allyuh from now tho, if Mr. Warner becomes PM I getting myself a high-powered rifle and learning to sharpshoot, cus I really doh want to migrate.

p.s. my real views on Orange Sky and them being the UNC: whatever yes, is their lives and fire to catch. I just hate the fact they working with and supporting jack warner. Other than this.. do whatever allyuh want boys, make that papes, move that hustle, do what yuh have to do LIVE YOUR LIFFFFEEE (lmao!)

Working not-so-Stiff

so I've gotten a job. La-di-da. That's the reason I haven't updated here in a while (apologies to those who actually bother to check this blog). I'm now employed by an event planning and management company called A&A Productions. There's also another related company called A&A Entertainment. Correctly speaking I work for the guy who owns these companies (cus there's also an advertising company as well) and hence I work for all these companies. I'm basically his right hand man. Three years and a Special in Psychology for this.. you never know where life takes you.

Now I don't consider this in any way a long-term job. I'm doing it for the short-medium term and the guy is a friend and needs the help so I'm there for him. I'm actually enjoying it though. The job is REALLY flexible and I have so much more freedom than I would with any other job. I can wear jeans to work if I want, sleep on a couch in the office, get to work late (though I feel badly when I do and try not to) and I get to go to bars, lounges, clubs, social gatherings etc to do site visits, quotes, decor set-ups and promotions. Went back to UWI today to promote a party we have coming up.. was pretty cool.

It's not paying as much as I'd like, and my mom is definitely a little dissatisfied with the pay as well, but I weigh the pay along with the freedoms I have when I'm comparing to other jobs. I mean I have a phone bill to pay, along with various other expenses, but they're all pretty much minor. I not mining no child, I doh have insurance or the like to pay, so I'm pretty much cool. Net and phone bill and that's about it, so the pay isn't SO bad. It's also turning out to be a gateway to other professions that I enjoy, such as journalism, editing, graphic design and radio work (I might actually get my own radio show, along with Ethan, the owner of the company.. more on that later if I actually get it)

so yea, the job is cool. Don't have much else to say about it right now so I'll tune out there.. apologies for the slipping into and out of trini dialect.

You, Me and everyone else NOT in the relationship.

Disclaimer(of sorts): I definitely have my more than fair share of bullshit when it comes to relationships. Make no mistake, I know I am no saint and am far from the perfect current or ex-boyfriend. Thus I write this as a fellow mistake-maker and person with many faults, however I write about what irritates me and this is one of those things.

It's one thing to argue with me about the faults you find in me and what you think I'm stupid for or the dumb things I do. It's another thing, however, to say 'everyone' or 'no-one' instead of saying 'I' when you're addressing me. Confused? e.g. "that's why everyone has a problem with confronting you" or "that's why no one can talk to you!" instead of "that's why I have a problem with confronting you" or "that's why I can't talk to you".

Now, if the person saying this shit to me did not know quite a few (most, if not all) of my close friends this wouldn't bother me in the least. I'd just think "rigght, now you can go to hell for being stupid" but as this person DOES know my friends, I'm always left wondering "so who exactly can't deal with me?" or "so do ALL my friends have this problem with me? why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" (apart from me being unconfrontational). My ex constantly did this. Every single argument without fail, this girl would say those all-encompassing words. The subsequent irritation I would experience did nothing to help any feeling of compassion or civility in the situation. Instead it'd just lead to me getting angry and annoyed and wanting very badly to hang up the phone.

I asked some other people what they think about this and how they'd feel in my situation. They all said the same thing: they'd feel that other people, who had no place in the conversation, were being brought into it. The argument was between her and I, not her, I and all of my friends.

so yea.. just wanted to say that.. it's really annoying when people do that and if someone does that to I'd advise you to kick them in the face the very next chance you get.

Your and You're (completed)

what the hell is up with this!? REALLY!? it's one thing to see Americans using this cus they can't spell for shit, but when I see my fellow english (and I mean that in the geographic sense) speaking countrypersons (being politically correct there) using this it annoys me to no end!

YOU'RE and YOUR.. they DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING!! ok people?
You're means YOU ARE
YOUR is used to indicate ownership. i.e. YOUR bicycle was stolen.
saying 'your gonna get your ass kicked' makes NO SENSE! what that means literally is that the 'gonna' belongs to you. See the nonsense!? and every day I see someone else using this shit.

I blame Americans. They spell so many words incorrectly just for the sake of ease and speed. THEY LAZY!! you mean to tell me you have to spell NIGHT like NITE just cus you doh feel to add one more letter? or is it that you have something against g's and h's?

and now Trinis doing it regularly.. I saw a billboard with Nite on it when I was younger, now I see soooo many people using 'your' incorrectly. Geeze people, our education standard at lower levels supposed to be better than the U.S. don't embarass yourself and your country! your primary school teachers worked hard to instill proper grammar skills and rules in you, don't waste it because of american culture saturation!! turn off the cable and go pick up the Republic Reader series!!

so for the last time (here), DAMMIT MAN STOP USING THE F'IN WORD INCORRECTLY!

I am Hank Moody..

you know, minus the having sex, having sex almost indiscriminately (cus he only picks up hot chicks), the drugs, the daughter and the porsche (though that last one I wish I did have).

Since I started looking at the show (Californiation - shows on Showtime on Sundays) I've observed so many parallels between Mr. Moody and myself, yet I always thought they just crafted his character to be identifiable with a lot of people; it was coincidence based on strategic character development.

but then my best friend told me he thinks I am too, without me saying anything at all, so I figure there must be some truth. If only this were a good thing. I wish I could write like the writers who create Hank's dialogue though.. them's some skilleded ppls.

Toiletiquette

Fact: we all use the toilet. We all do generally the same things on the toilet, albeit through different means sometimes. However I've noticed, through the use of toilets in different friends' homes, that many people can be a little inconsiderate towards the opposite sex when it comes to toilet setting.

Not like it's something that needs to be done, it's just annoying sometimes when I see certain things happen. Thus I come to the point of this post - both sexes can treat the toilet very differently and most times in total disregard to the opposite sex.

the classic male pissing on the seat because they don't want to lift it is well known by now. However women are not the only victims of this act. I'm tired of going to 'drain the snake' in a public toilet only to end up standing in the piss which covers the floor around the base of the toilet. I didn't pay $300 for my Umbros to be soaked in piss, sorry. Try to aim PLEASE! If you're drunk then try NOT to aim and you should end up point blank in the middle of the bowl.

what really inspired this post though, is the following situation that happens in every household dominated by females: the thick toilet covering. Now girls, ladies, women: I know you love to make things pretty, including the toilet. I also understand that you probably have never given much thought to the physics and dynamics surrounding a lifted seat and a thick toilet cover. Hence I hope many ladies read this and learn something: When you cover a toilet with a thick cover the toilet seat cannot be properly lifted against the back. Thus any person equipped with external genitalia faces the annnnnnoying task of holding said genitalia (to aim into the bowl so as not to piss on the toilet, no less) while trying to hold the toilet seat from falling onto said genitalia.

This may sound funny to some but let me tell you.. it's not funny in the least. Men are subjected to an experience of trying to hold their 'littler selves' and their pants with the same hand while trying to hold the seat up (because, if you can't figure it out by now, the thick seat covering pushes the seat off-balance). This especially applies when the men wear underwear that don't have flaps in front for easier access. (fuck you calvin kline and jockey sport, you're no friends of mine)

So ladies, please.. under normal circumstances of course it's cool to have those lovely, soft, thick seat coverings. However, when your male friends are over, please show some consideration and take the covers off or replace them with thinner covers. Or at least do it when I'm over.. cus I have enough consideration not to piss in your sink.

and guys.. when using a female's toilet please remember to put the seat back down when you're finished. For some reason girls find the process of flipping the seat down to be almost too much to bear. I guess they're afraid of breaking a nail or something.. so spare yourself the inevitable bitching that accompanies the having to put the seat down and do it yourselves. I mean you're already the stronger sex so you might as well do it. heh.

Kanye West rant

who the fuck does he think he is really? the saviour of hip-hop? oh no, wait wait, maybe he thinks he's some sort of prodigy. whatever it is, he's so fucking full of himself. That whiny little self-pitying bitch. Come on Kanye, go pat yourself on the back cus you outsold 50 Cent. I guess it just goes to show how many uneven coffee tables there are in the United States.

piece of 'Stronger' that pisses me off:

'I ask, cause I'm not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts go ape shit'

I can't believe this man has the audacity to sing about people not making 'real shit' anymore when the very track he's rapping on ISN'T HIS OWN! what? are we supposed to forget it's Daft Punk that's making the song good? are we supposed to hear the mind-numbingly crappy lyrics you try to throw at us and somehow think 'wow.. this is good stuff! please say more.' ?!

I will bow in the presence of greatness. Now if you'd just point me in the direction of said greatness I'll get to bowing. Great big piles of shit being passed off as rap lyrics don't count btw.

YOU should be honoured, Kanye, that I'm letting you affect me this much. I guess I really don't have tolerance for ignorant, shitty artists with no ounce of real talent. Maybe if you had your jaw wired tighter you'd sound half as retarded as your lyrics are.

The only fake shit here is your popularity. How did you really outsell 50Cent? ok that's a dumb question, those white, racist 9 yr old country singer girls could outsell 50Cent.. hell, a 60yr old jewish woman, half-paralyzed from excessive strokes' recorded mumblings about diapers and bedpans could outsell 50Cent. The real question is how many times did he have to say 'I'll suck yo cock man' to get people to buy his album. You don't need physical therapy on that jaw anymore you attention seeking pussy.

"Act like you can't tell who made this". no Kanye, it's extremely evident who made this. I can't remember the last time I heard such a supposedly well-played rapper write such shitty lyrics. Oh wait, yes I can *50 Cent plays in background.. of a passing car and obviously not on my PC*

'excuse me, is you saying something?' - yes I am, the truth. Kanye West might as well live in a pineapple under the sea, cus he's a fucking sponge. Go use someone else's music to make yourself popular you ass.

maybe if you weren't a college dropout you'd have the intelligence of.. say a 10 yr old. I have no doubt this would raise your lyrical skill to a much higher level. That of epileptic tourettes patients yelling about what they see going on outside their hospital windows.


*sigh* I miss Biggie.

Traffic blockin

Am I the only person who is both fascinated and repulsed by traffic? I know most people are repulsed, but is anyone as fascinated as I about the phenomenon?

and what is it exactly about traffic that clicks with me? is it the connectivity between it all? with the actions at the start of an extremely long line of traffic affecting people all the way at the back? is it for traffic is formed? whether it's rush hour, because of something blocking the road or macocious trinis slowing down to maco an accident on THE OTHER SIDE of the road? or is it the sheer volume of traffic that occurs every day on our roads.

Perhaps it's all of these combined.

but you know what? I could get over it, so fuck traffic!! two hours to get from Port of Spain to Valsayn?! what kinda shit is that!? I thought the Lady Young supposed to be quicker than Beetham?! traffic stretched the entire length of the Lady Young.. what madness is that!? people keep trying to come up with solutions but they missing the point. Too many cars on the road! I'll be the first to give up my car. Just invent some machine that can instantly transport me to anywhere I need to go and I will set the example of putting my car to rest. That's not so difficult is it? scientists can splice genes and make square watermelons.. why don't they focus on trying to get me to my destination sans traffic?

thank gorm for mp3 player car stereos.
and Muse.

Some truths, courtesy observations I've made

Most guys can't have a close female friend without at the very least being attracted to them. Case in point, I only have one.. yet I have a lot of female friends.

Related to this.. guys play the patience game. A lot. Girls: know that 'best (male) friend' you have? he likes you. You have a bf and the best friend has never made a move on you? really? oh that's nice.. he's just being patient. Guys in these situations have an amazing capacity for patience that they will never show in any other aspect of their lives. If anything does ever happen between you two, you may end up thinking it was your doing. Trust me.. it wasn't. He's been preparing for this. Also, if you don't want anything more than some fun, be up front with this information; he's had his heart set on a relationship. For a long time. This inevitably leads to heartache for him once you don't want a relationship. but small thing, all that in the game.

Girls think about sex a lot. Maybe more than a lot of guys do *WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY!?* they won't admit it, but it's true.

Girls talk about your penis size. And if you're good in bed. And any other detail your own best friend doesn't know about you. Not all girls mind you, but most.

Kanye West is a whiny-ass bitch who wouldn't know an original beat if it blew his ear drums. (nothing to do with anything else, but it's still a truth I've observed)

At the start of relationships, say the first three months AT LEAST, neither person is who they really are. It's all a front. Wait until people actually start getting comfortable with each other and the real self comes out. Again, not a generalization, but for most people it happens.

Girls put their loss of virginity on as high a pedestal as many guys put 'the pussy'. Contrastly, most guys are nonchalant about their first times and treat it as just a (hopefully) fond memory. Most girls try as hard as possible to hold on to the guy who took their virginity. Too bad most guys who do this turn out to be assholes.

Guys don't have as much respect for women who always make them buy their drinks as they do women who buy their own. Guess who else makes you buy them drinks? strippers.

asshole guys have/get hot girls. this leads me to believe that women like being treated like shit. disagree with me? stop dating assholes.

many beautiful girls are really insecure and extremely shy. On the other hand, many beautiful girls know they're beautiful and use it to their advantage as much as they can and can be bitchy.

Goodlooking girls also have a hard time finding meaningful relationships because they're worried that every guy is only trying to sleep with them. Which is true because the nice guys who these women would like to be with are too intimidate by their beauty to approach them. Thus they are only picked up by cocky, self-assured assholes who only view them as sex objects.

if a guy is goodlooking, many girls he's interested in will assume he's only into them for sex. Especially with 'red' guys whom everyone assumes are players.

that's it for now, more to come when I can think of it